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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Babysitting dilemma

22 replies

Autismmummyof2 · 10/06/2023 08:50

I've posted before about a friend before and loads of you said she is taking the p.
So my mate is godmother to my youngest, even though she didn't come to the christening (but that's not for here). She asked me a few weeks ago if I'd have her 2 over night so she could go out for her birthday. I said yes, it was enough notice and my kids have been asking. The night before I text her asking what the plan was because I couldn't have them straight after school but she can BRING them to mine around 5/6. She texts back 6.30am next day and says she's really ill with a tummy bug and she can't BRING them but will see if she can get someone to drop them off. I didn't hear from her again ALL day and assumed because she wasn't going out, they weren't coming. So I've cooked dinner for the kids and as I'm serving it up, my door knocks and it's my mates neighbour with her kids. She hands my their bag and says their mum said she'll get them at 11am the next day. Still nothing, no phone or text call to say neighbours coming. AND they hadnt had dinner. So I text her, saying she should of told me. Then she says oh well she'll come get them through if I weren't ready. I said it's fine, kids are happy. She's all like I don't wanna piss you off. Erm too late for that lovey. She then tells me that her eldest has never slept over at a friends. Well I was up till 2.30am because she couldn't sleep (she is generally an awkward child who is very dramatic) and the woken up at 7am by the youngest who had diarrhoea.
The reason I think I'm more annoyed is that a couple of weeks ago I was really really ill and I'm a single parent so still had to take my kids to school. Then she calls me the day after I told her I was sick, asking me to take her kids to school because her hip was playing up (she has arthritis and a partner). But was fine to watch the neighbours dog all day. AIBU to just cut ties and leave her to it because I can't take it anymore.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/06/2023 08:54

I've posted before about a friend before and loads of you said she is taking the p.

maybe this time you will actually take peoples advice. What does this woman have to do before you put a stop to it?

Lacucuracha · 10/06/2023 09:00

AIBU to just cut ties and leave her to it because I can't take it anymore.

💯

Glad you are finding your backbone, dump her. No more favours for a user.

jeaux90 · 10/06/2023 09:04

I'm a lone parent. This would really piss me right off and I'd probably walk away from the friendship or at least have a robust conversation about it.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 10/06/2023 09:11

I'd have cancelled when she said she had a stomach bug. It was pretty likely the kids would get it too.

Aprilx · 10/06/2023 09:16

I think she should have got back to you, but I don’t think what she did on this occasion was too bad. She asked you to babysit, you said you would and you did. If you feel that overall it is one sided thought, then se bac away.

MRex · 10/06/2023 09:18

Lesson to learn is that if you don't want her kids, don't agree to take them. If you're unwell then you can ask others for help, but don't get annoyed when others ask you if you're giving no indication that you mind. Just stop doing favours for a while and focus on yourself.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/06/2023 09:29

When she next contacts you, please remember her radio silence that she gave you here.
Don't reply to her calls, in fact you could set her number up to go directly to your voicemail (I know how much people hate leaving voicemails nowadays) with the plan to ultimately block her number.
Don't reply to text messages.

If she sees you in person start replying to her queries about why you haven't been in touch with "I've been so busy with the children and such." Be a bit standoffish with her. Make it so that she gets that she's taken her last liberty with you and you'll not be putting up with her shenanigans again.

Best of luck to you!

TaggySitz · 10/06/2023 09:34

I'm not overly sure I would see this occasion as a problem. She asked you to have the kids, you said yes. She had the kids dropped off as planned....

KarmaStar · 10/06/2023 10:17

Yanbu.
If course she was bu not contacting you with an update about whether she was going out and her dc still coming,sending them without liasing with you about their dinner,sending them with a stomach but when she knows you and your dc could catch it.
This is not within the realms of a normal friend asking an overnight stay and the pp who think she's behaved ok,well,that says a lot about them.

TaggySitz · 10/06/2023 10:48

@KarmaStar it doesn't say anything about me. Although I don't think I'd see much of a problem with the kids being dropped off, I wouldnt do it myself without communicating. And if I had a bug i would have stayed in and kept my kids home so wouldn't need them minding at all. But I'm just saying I don't think I see an issue with them actually being dropped off without communication, as it had already been communicated that they were likely being dropped off later. As much as I wouldn't do it, u wouldn't see it as a problem if my friend done it to me.

Autismmummyof2 · 13/06/2023 13:22

Found out both of the kids had been unwell in the week. I'm just funny about germs on a normal day. She came to collect them and gave me a bottle of wine that her and her other friend were gonna drink that night!
And has now asked me to collect her daughter from school. 🙄

OP posts:
Howyiz · 13/06/2023 13:42

So say no!
For the love of God how much of a wet lettuce are you!

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 13/06/2023 14:41

I'm mainly confused by how she can be a godmother if she wasn't at church to take the vows? 🤔

LookItsMeAgain · 13/06/2023 15:44

Remember that radio silence?
Time to go silent on her.

When she asks you to collect her child - just say no. It's really easy to do. It'll give you such an amount of relief when you do finally say no to this woman.

"No, I'm not able to collect your child for you"
Don't go down the path of making excuses or trying to explain why you don't want to. It's enough to say no.

Autismmummyof2 · 13/06/2023 17:42

I said no!
@Howyiz "wet lettuce" 😂 you killed me

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
Sagaris · 13/06/2023 18:47

So - who collected her daughter from school OP?

drpet49 · 13/06/2023 18:49

Hoppinggreen · 10/06/2023 08:54

I've posted before about a friend before and loads of you said she is taking the p.

maybe this time you will actually take peoples advice. What does this woman have to do before you put a stop to it?

This.

Autismmummyof2 · 13/06/2023 19:08

She did!
She asked because she had the little ones friend over, which she volunteered herself for every Tuesday. If you can't take care of your own, why have someone else's?
Because then the other parent HAS to return the favour, that's how she sees it. She'll offer to have my kids one day and then the next day there is some "emergency" (made up) reason why she needs my help.
Apparently she told my Dad this morning (he helps me twice a week) in front of my child, that she was going to ask me to do pick up, which caused a meltdown when I collected her

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 13/06/2023 19:08

Autismmummyof2 · 13/06/2023 17:42

I said no!
@Howyiz "wet lettuce" 😂 you killed me

Thanks everyone x

Yes!!!!!

Well done you!!

LookItsMeAgain · 13/06/2023 19:14

In relation to this bit of your post:

"Apparently she told my Dad this morning (he helps me twice a week) in front of my child, that she was going to ask me to do pick up, which caused a meltdown when I collected her"

was the meltdown due to you not taking this child or because you daughter thought you were and didn't want this other child tagging along?

You definitely did the right thing.

Just to close off any avenues the CF might try to use in the future, you might let your Dad know that you're not looking after this woman's child anymore and if he's approached again by her, he's fully allowed to say "Oh, best not discuss these things with little ears listening in. You should talk to X directly about that" or "I'm sure X is very busy with her own children at the moment. She's not looking to take on any children to be minded. Are you looking for a childminder?" or something like that.

Sagaris · 13/06/2023 19:16

Well done OP, the first refusal is always the hardest - keep it up!

Autismmummyof2 · 13/06/2023 19:34

My kid was upset because she thought she was coming. Don't get me wrong, our kids are really good friends but I don't like being used.
I do feel like I need to say something about her saying things in front of my children. In a way I think she does it on purpose because she knows I don't like to let them down and she is very aware of how autistic children are.

OP posts:
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