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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours

22 replies

Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:09

Posting here for traffic (name changed as could be outing if they were to read it). I have a problem with being too blunt and coming across wrong to people (despite trying really hard not to), but I really want to keep relations here good, so I'm hoping someone could help me form a good but very gentle message/way of saying this.

We get on really well with our neighbours - consider them friends. They are absolutely lovely people and I value them as friends, though they are quite strong characters and try to give us a lot of advice etc.

Anyway, we've been working super hard on our garden this year. We don't have much money at all, but have saved, scraped and scrimped to spend a few hundred on plants/flowers/baskets, been planting seeds etc as we enjoy working in the garden. The plants and garden are doing well and I'm quite proud of it. A few times, I have noticed that my plants are overwatered, as in saturated. It wouldn't be a problem usually, but without being too outing, some of the planters I have designed specifically for plants with high water needs, and I purposely installed very little drainage in for exactly this reason, to make life a little easier. I let the soil dry out a bit between watering to avoid roots rotting etc but lately it seems as if they are always wet. It's also happened when I've just fertilised the plants in the last day or two and want to give it chance to do its magic before being washed away/diluted. I thought it was my partner, who denied overwatering them, and it caused a bit of a to-do because I thought it must be him, who else could it be? Well I'm a bit sheepish now.

One of my neighbours informed me they'd been watering my plants as they were gettng dry and with this type of plant they need a lot of water. A fact I'm well aware of and considered in the design. I also received other advice I don't really want about my garden from them on a few occasions now. We're doing well and there's nothing wrong with the garden we've worked very hard on. Everythings healthy and thriving, we are in the garden a lot working hard on it, but I feel it's quite condescending when we're doing so well.

I didn't really know how to respond. I know they mean well, and feel they are being kind and helping us, using their own time to do this, so don't want to upset them in any way by asking them not to do this, in a harsh way, and as I say, previous experience with neighbours trying to set boundaries in place never went well, I think it's how I come across, inadvertently. But I am really concerned the amount of water going in, and the timing with when we are trying to fertilise the plants.

I could install more drainage, though that doesn't help the (expensive!) fertiliser being washed away/diluted. It's not really the point, I kind of just don't want my hobby interfered with. It's supposed to be something for me and my partner to spend time doing, even if it is just watering our plants. Should I just install the extra drainage and let this one go for the sake of relations? I know more comments/advice will be coming though! Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
RunningUpThatBuilding · 10/06/2023 06:15

How are the accessing your garden? Are they spraying a hose over a fence?

Anyways, a polite word should resolve this. “I appreciate your concern for my plants however I am carefully monitoring their fertiliser/water levels. Please do not water them”.

LoonyLois · 10/06/2023 06:17

“Seriously don’t worry about it. Im being really particular about it due to fertiliser and food and things so it will throw that off. If I need you to water I will give you a shout”

or “I find it really relaxing watering them so there’s no need to”

I can’t even consider what they are thinking to just water your plants

Yerroblemom1923 · 10/06/2023 06:19

Put up a sign, like at the zoo. "Please do not water the plants"

WildFlowerBees · 10/06/2023 06:21

They don't sound like nice friends, they sound bloody rude. Giving unsolicited advice is one thing but watering your plants is like saying you are clueless and can't be trusted and they know best.

I'd simply say, please stop watering my plants. You don't need to explain why, also make it harder for them to get to your garden. Cheeky buggers.

ErmentrudeTheCow · 10/06/2023 06:23

How do they know the plants look a bit dry? Are they coming into your garden?
Good neighbours you get on well with are worth their weight in gold. I wouldn't risk the relationship over a few plants unless they really starting to overstep the mark and come into your garden uninvited. Next time you're talking to them about the garden I'd just politely ask them not water anything on your patch as you're carefully monitoring the feeding/water input

AngelAurora · 10/06/2023 06:24

They are being good neighbours, stop finding problems OP, water is not going to hurt the plants. Be grateful you have nice neighbours.

Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:24

RunningUpThatBuilding · 10/06/2023 06:15

How are the accessing your garden? Are they spraying a hose over a fence?

Anyways, a polite word should resolve this. “I appreciate your concern for my plants however I am carefully monitoring their fertiliser/water levels. Please do not water them”.

I don't want to be too outing but, I can say it's not a shared a garden, and they're not actually entering the property to do it. The latter would be easier as I could put a lock on the gate, sadly there's no physical way to stop them doing it.

OP posts:
Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:30

AngelAurora · 10/06/2023 06:24

They are being good neighbours, stop finding problems OP, water is not going to hurt the plants. Be grateful you have nice neighbours.

I appreciate the input insofar as the point that if I upset them, I could have worse problems on my hands than over watered plants and going through expensive fertilser like well, water. This is a big concern.

However, in fairness, I am concerned overwatering COULD harm the plants - it could cause root rot, due to the way I've designed the plants, if the soil isn't left to dry enough between waterings. And I'm definitely concerned that if this carries on, this is going to be the likely result.

OP posts:
Thesunnymood · 10/06/2023 06:34

Just tell them you appreciate they care but you have designed drainage etc to the plant needs so please atop watering them. My neigbour did similar and actually killed plants before I realised what was happening. I told them nicely and they were fine with it

Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:43

Thank you for all the suggestions of how to say it so far. It's actually really helpful. If you can't tell, I'm anxious about confrontations so have just avoided so far, with the other advice/telling us how to do things so far.

I was thinking of mentioning in passing 'Oh these guys (the plants) seem to be so waterlogged lately, I'm going to have to install extra drainage at this rate so they don't rootrot' - or would you think this passive aggressive if you were on the receiving end? X

OP posts:
standardduck · 10/06/2023 06:55

AngelAurora · 10/06/2023 06:24

They are being good neighbours, stop finding problems OP, water is not going to hurt the plants. Be grateful you have nice neighbours.

They are not. They should not access someone else's garden and water their plants without asking. It's rude. They sound condescending.

standardduck · 10/06/2023 06:57

Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:43

Thank you for all the suggestions of how to say it so far. It's actually really helpful. If you can't tell, I'm anxious about confrontations so have just avoided so far, with the other advice/telling us how to do things so far.

I was thinking of mentioning in passing 'Oh these guys (the plants) seem to be so waterlogged lately, I'm going to have to install extra drainage at this rate so they don't rootrot' - or would you think this passive aggressive if you were on the receiving end? X

Just be blunt.

"Hi neighbor, thanks so much for watering the plans, but I've noticed they are actually being overwatered as we are both doing it. No need to do it going forward - thanks again though."

ChimChimeny · 10/06/2023 06:57

I was thinking of mentioning in passing 'Oh these guys (the plants) seem to be so waterlogged lately, I'm going to have to install extra drainage at this rate so they don't rootrot' - or would you think this passive aggressive if you were on the receiving end? X

You need to be much more direct. A few suggestions have been made, doesn't need to be rude just clearly stating that you have got it under control.so can they stop watering your plants please.
They sound quite overbearing so will prob just ignore your hinting

user1492757084 · 10/06/2023 07:03

Communicate nicely.

About these plants - I fear that, right now, they are slightly weater logged. I have consulted the nursery and have been advised that I lay off the water a bit.
I thought I'd let you know, given that you've kindly been watering them sometimes.

Thank you for that but I think I'd like to fertilise more and water less for a few weeks. I'm going to follow the exact advise of the nursery. The plants were expensive and I don't want root rot.

If they die that will be my own fault too.

CheshireDing · 10/06/2023 07:03

‘Aww thanks for watering my plants. I have put some fertiliser on them and it will get washed away so no need to water anymore, thanks though’

whilst secretly thinking that your neighbours are dicks (and you’d be right)

Thesunnymood · 10/06/2023 07:06

I'm anxious about confrontations so have just avoided so far

It's not a confrontation. It's a talk with neigbours. Asking people not to do or to do something is not aways a confrontation. It helps not to think about these things as "confrontations".

Dancingwithumberellas · 10/06/2023 07:07

I think I would say ‘it’s really kind of you to think to water my plants but I’ve got a routine with them at the moment so they don’t need watering, but thanks anyway’.
And then either tell them about your routine or change the subject. I think you don’t need to make a big deal about it and I definitely wouldn’t take the passive aggressive approach.

johnd2 · 10/06/2023 07:36

I think the trick is to acknowledge their feeling before going on to state your boundary. Then they feel seen and understood which means they are more receptive to your limit.
Obviously the actual content is your decision but, Eg:: I realise you are keen to help out with our garden and it must be a very generous thing to do (optional and we really appreciate being able to rely on your knowledge etc), the only thing is we would love to have control of watering etc ourselves as it's our hobby and we are getting used to our plants. ( optionalwe will definitely ask you first if we are away as we would definitely appreciate your watering help when requested)

Good luck.

Flustercuckoo · 10/06/2023 07:55

Toobluntt · 10/06/2023 06:43

Thank you for all the suggestions of how to say it so far. It's actually really helpful. If you can't tell, I'm anxious about confrontations so have just avoided so far, with the other advice/telling us how to do things so far.

I was thinking of mentioning in passing 'Oh these guys (the plants) seem to be so waterlogged lately, I'm going to have to install extra drainage at this rate so they don't rootrot' - or would you think this passive aggressive if you were on the receiving end? X

Get your dp to talk to them if you're worried about coming over blunt.

billy1966 · 10/06/2023 08:29

They are not nice neighbours.

They are interfering disrespectful busybodies.

How about youbdrown their plants and see how they like it🙄.

Tell them you don't need their unasked for help watering, you have got it.

Look up how to assert your boundaries OP, because presumptuous neighbours very quickly become a complete PITA and doing what they are doing is not neighbourly when you haven't asked for their help.

Good luck with your garden, it sounds great.

BakedTattie · 10/06/2023 08:36

Just say, “please don’t water the plants, it’s fine,
I’ll do it.”

Darkstar4855 · 10/06/2023 08:40

”Please don’t water my plants, I prefer to do it myself.”. That’s all you need.

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