To be so worried re EHC Plan

[WayneCampbellsSidekick]

My 3year old son is having an application made for an EHC Plan on the advice of his preschool following a visit from the local SEN advisor (high functioning ASD).
Am I right in saying they would only be doing this if his needs are deemed to be severe? So many questions and worries. Desperate for reassurance and advice/insight - is anyone who has been in this situation able to give any please?

He is verbal and enjoys chatting but it’s not back and forth conversation, if I ask him a factual question he can answer but anything more open ended and he struggles. For example he can tell me what colour something is but if I ask him what his favourite colour he is he doesn’t know and will repeat back to me “favourite colour”. Self referred to SLT service but was told minimum 2year wait to be seen, contacted private SLTs but was told either they had full caseloads or they don’t treat preschool age children. disinhibited behaviour as in will approach strangers and hold their hand etc. I literally can’t take my eyes off him. Doesn’t seem to be affected by loud noises etc but anything new throws him and he will automatically resist even if it’s something like a new T-shirt he hasn’t seen before.
for the EHCP do you think I should request the GP who made the assessment referral provides a supporting letter stating something along the lines of “I am the GP who referred for assessment as in my professional opinion he presents with clear signs of ASD” etc?

So when I say chatting I mean it’s him pointing things out to me, asking me questions, singing songs and letting me know if he wants something etc it’s not “conversation”

Hi OP, i’m a LSA in early years and if you have a child with an EHCP starting in reception at school it will be likely your child will be appointed someone like me for part of the school week to help him on a one to one basis.

I have worked with children that age with a variety of different needs and doesn’t mean your child is particularly ‘severe’ but that your preschool is adept observing indicators of autism.

So when your child starts reception, hopefully he will be allocated a LSA who strives to pay complete attention to your child to observe and help and provide feedback to the teacher and SENDCO.

On a typical day I will take my child outside for a walk and a decompress when he gets overwhelmed or showing signs of stress, talk to him about his weekend and his interests and then find out what he is fascinated by at the moment and then incorporate that into some learning based activities.

So, if he is into dinosaurs then I can print off a dinosaur themed numbers game to play together, or get some mini dinosaur models to hide in the sand and encourage him to use tongs to pick them out to strengthen fine motor skills, and find dinosaur books/puzzles etc

If he is shy I will bring one child to play a game with us, gradually increasing time with different children then into group games. If he has difficulty concentrating, I will use a timer to explain we are working together on something for 1 minute and increase the time over the year.

If he is upset, I will try to understand why and how to help (flash cards, a walk, a stress ball, a quiet place) If he is angry we will walk it out, talk it out, cry it out or laugh it out.

If he misses you we will talk about you, draw pictures of you, make a card for you and find other things to do that he likes til he can see you again.

I hope this gives some reassurance, OP, that the EHCP can help open doors to a positive transition for your son into school and to be well supported.

Hi OP, I think your GP will be contacted (the EHCP requires a medical professional to be consulted, so if your son's not seen a paediatrician, it'll have to be the GP). He's no doubt already written something like that in the referral letter. The LA should give you copies of all submitted paperwork (ours uses a portal so this is quite transparent) but no harm in asking the GP for a copy of the referral.

The lack of back and forth conversation was noted at my DD's ADOS, but she was a few years older. However, there was a noticeable contrast between that skill and her above average understanding of language (I don't know the technical term but e.g. she could reason from first principles what a blacksmith might be from a picture but if I told her my great grandad was a blacksmith, wouldn't express interest or ask any follow up questions).

Thanks for your replies, @inthekitchensink can I ask, how do the other children respond and interact with the children you are supporting? Does he/she play with others, are they included? Are they ever picked on? In the SEN advisory report DS was described as “often being alone”, one sentence out of the whole report which really choked me to read 💔

Aw OP, that doesn't mean he's lonely. Parallel play is really common at that age.

My daughter has quite a few issues but she is fab at making friends.

Oh that would make me choke up too! But yes I agree it doesn’t mean he is lonely but is engaged in parallel play.

In this case I will start with parallel play and just sit quietly with him asking if I can play, modelling interactive behaviour. Once he is happy in my company I will invite another child to join us (normally they are desperate to join in because adult attention is really appealing at that age, and they always want to know why I like my 1:1 child best!)

I will keep modelling social behaviour, lots of praise for his attempts, and gradually encourage a game with one other child, like throwing and catching a ball between the three of us, then over time onto a bigger group.

It is highly unlikely he will be picked on - they are incredibly open and friendly at that age and our job is to ensure he makes a good social foundation during the year and have friends. Yes, there will be name calling because they call each other stupid names like Poo Face without discrimination! And this will be throughout the class and will be addressed each and every time we hear about it.

Last year, the little boy I worked with was incredibly anxious and could not cope when he made a mistake, and did not understand others feelings at all when started. He is a very happy boy in year one with a large group of friends, works hard and has learned strategies to cope when he gets an answer wrong, and is the first to offer help when another child cries or falls over.

The little girl I am working with now started reception shy, tearful, completely withdrawn and unwilling to participate in anything. Now, she is class leader in organising, tidying, helping and has a group of pony mad friends so I don’t see her for dust in the playground! Whereas over winter she would only hold my hand and hide when someone asked her to play.

I do hope this helps a bit.

OP you can request play therapy is included in the EHCP. That helped my daughter.

As an autistic adult I just want to say being alone actually isn't that bad, in fact it's how I keep my life calm. I wish I had known many years ago I didn't have to have other people as 'freinds' - it's not a dig but often parents feel sad because their autistic children don't live up to the expectations they had for their child. Autistic children often thrive without the pressure of being in groups of freinds. Not always, but honestly it is often what is best for them

All that said parallel play is completely normal for the age of your DC.

My son and my cousins son are both autistic with an EHCP. My son got his diagnosis at 4 and EHCP at 7, my cousin's son got both at 3. The difference in his development having had the right support in place from nursery onwards is incredible and if I could turn back time I would pursue an EHCP as soon as possible. It's really not about having 'more' or 'less' severe/noticeable needs, it's more that without an EHCP you get zero support and they are so hard to get the earlier you start the better. Your nursery are excellent for supporting you with this, so many would rather push the can along the road until school. That's what happened with my son and the damage done from the lack of support and understanding has been immeasurable.
I can also relate to what a PP said: when my son was young I had the same reaction to being told he was often on his own, had no friends etc. But over time I've learnt that he doesn't care and is happier to play on his own - so maybe I just need to be a bit more accepting of that, rather than trying to force things on him