I married my ‘childhood sweetheart’ and should have walked out within the first few months as he was physically, emotionally and financially abusive from the start. I nearly left several times. I did have two DCs with him which a key factor in my hesitations re leaving.
I was married to him for 22 years before I finally called time. But if I’m honest, I’d unconsciously spent the previous decade preparing to leave him. Retraining, getting healthy (I have a life-long health condition), learning how to do key stuff for myself (E.g. long distance driving, DIY and gardening). I’d always been expected to manage the family finances i.e. make sure all bills were paid from joint account regardless of how cavalier he was with our finances, so I simply went without to make ends meet.
Ironically he’d spent most of our marriage complaining how I was a burden to him and so he was happy when I did more and more for the family. It meant he didn’t had to deal tedious life stuff and could more time with his various hobbies (a mistress being one of them 😂).
When I told him I was divorcing him, we’d actually just had two offers on the house we’d been trying to sell for two years. Everything else just fell into place for me when I finally said it was over.
Yes it was scary being a single mum, but also really exciting. From the moment I said I wanted a divorce I’ve never experienced such a sense of relief. My only regret was not leaving him much sooner. There were difficult times and finances were tight for a while, but being able to make my own logical decisions about how I managed my life was so much better than the life I’d had with my ExH.
The clincher for me to break free was realising that I was providing a very poor role model for my DDs about relationships. Once I started to stand up for myself, like all bullies my ‘D’H just found a new victim - this time my youngest DD.
I’m now married to a very kind gentle man who treats me as an equal. My DCs love him and he is grandad to their DCs. My DDs had to deal with a lot and we have all had counselling. I should have left sooner and been more discerning about which man I chose to father my children, but I cannot change that now and feel I made better life choices eventually.
My advice to you OP, is to make a plan and work towards it. You’ll know when you are ready. We only get one life - don’t settle for a shit one. Make the changes you need to make it better.