Visiting my parents is too expensive?

[Hooploop]

My parents live 3 hours away (used to be an hour away until they retired to the coast). They're in their 60s and are moany, bitter and miserable much of the time. They expect me to visit regularly in the summer - they seem to think it's a holiday for me because they live near the sea. But it's hard work staying there for a few days to be honest!

It costs me over £250 every time I visit for a weekend. Petrol is £100, they expect me to take them out for a meal when I come up as a "thanks for having me" gesture. And at home they don't eat much, just sandwiches really. So I usually do a little shop for myself before I go, and often end up cooking meals for them too. Aibu to resent this a bit? It's expensive to travel there by train and takes about 6 hours, so not really a cheaper alternative. I can't afford to stay in a hotel or Airbnb every time I visit either as it's a pricey tourist area.

Blimey, what would happen if you asked them over to you? If they're moany anyway it would be cheaper and less tiring?

Reading posts like this makes me miss my generous, loving parents so much!
I'm in my 60s (but I still have a child in school). So they are not so old as to be out of touch with how the current economic climate affects the affordability for people. But it doesn't seem like you enjoy visiting them for the sake of seeing them anyway .
One of the great things about being an adult is being in charge of what you do. I'd just say 'oh it's just too expensive for me at the moment but you are always welcome to visit me'. It doesn't sound like they'd make the effort.

Do you actually have the money but would rather not spend it on them? Otherwise it's simple to say you can't afford it.

My parents always treated me up to the point I was set up in life and now I just as often treat them.

If you don't enjoy it that's different. I do love my parents. I find then hard work but equally would miss them if they weren't here . Don't make too big a deal of it. Just be too busy. If they complain suggest they visit you, do al the travelling, incur the costs and take you out for a meal to thank you for having them!

It should be possible to be honest with immediate family.

can you share the cost of the meal?

If you can’t afford it, don’t visit them. I generally think that if parents are in good health, it should be mutual effort and they should visit too. My father in law expects us to see him (also 3hrs drive), but when you invite him, he says he saves money lol. I think I can relate somehow to your situation. Needless to say last time we saw him was in January last year. Now we’re going to have a baby, it’s up to him if he wants to visit us or not, I’m not driving anywhere.

Neverinamonthofsundays yes and that's a parents' job when they decide to have kids. Children should feel no obligation to spend their adult life paying it back!

I’m confused as to why you can’t just say this to them?

Just say no OP. Go two or three times a year, say that unfortunately as they chose to move away it's too far to come more often, and make it clear that they are very welcome to return the visit and come to stay with you.

Arrange to meet up half way ?

YANBU. Definitely don’t go more than once in the summer.

Why not tell them if they want you to visit, they need to pay your petrol and food shop, and you won’t be taking them out for a meal?

These are your parents, I can’t believe you can’t call them out on their demand for a meal out when it costs you a £100 in petrol to visit them.

Stop being a mug!

I’m going to say YABU because you’ve got a tongue in your head and can say, “no, I can’t afford it.”

It costs me around £350 to visit my mum and I go every 6 weeks or so. Like your parents she’s in the moany, bitter stage of life so it’s far from a lovely weekend out of London for me - there’s normally a couple of arguments.

It’s a lot of money to spend to feel shit about myself, but I would feel guilty only visiting once a year.

I don’t have any advice, sorry, but I completely understand where you’re coming from.

Entitled parents, that's a change. I'd only make one trip a year to them. I also wouldn't take them out, chancers, but that ready meals to cook. If you had lovely weekends with them it would be different. Use your time and money for yourself.

You dislike them enough to slag them off online so don't go

Why cant you say.
Look, I cant spend 250 quid on frequent visits. I dont gave the money.
They cant argue with that. Say
"I can come once every x, if you help with oetrol money, but the meals out will end." You took yourselves iff to live far away, this us not if my making

Your parents cannot force you to visit. Just say you have other things planned

If they are only 60s why can't they come & visit you. Next time you visit why don't you invite them to visit ?

Food, have you tried Too Good To Go or Olio food waste apps ? Or restaurants with discounts like Green King or Marstons

My parents are planning a move away, my kids will be late primary by the time they're looking to move and in the midst of clubs and parties and things.

I don't think they've thought how hard it will be for us to visit them but it's their choice to move. I'd hate to be forced to spend so much to have to visit them though!

Another thread I wont post on unless the OP comes back...

Being moany and miserable would be enough to make me limit my visits if they were 20mins down the road. Add in a 3hr drive and a cost of £250 even more so!
Could they take a turn to come to you? Maybe even offer to put them up in a travellodge for a night. Then they can treat you for 'paying for the accomodation'.
Do you have other siblings? Could you meet them at Katie's or Ben's occasionally?
You need to be honest. The hassle to pleasure ratio doesn't sound good.

This. In fact they don't seem to bring anything to the party at all. You spend a lot of time and money visiting them. They sit there moaning and don't even feed you when you're there.

I’ve had this on occasion when my parents were a 10-12 hr drive or a flight. Once when we flew up and had to hire a car from the airport plus two car seats for the onward journey id asked my mum to get a few bits in for the baby/toddler so we didn’t have to stop as we wouldn’t arrive at theirs till well into the evening. I asked for a packet of nappies costing about £10. After a few days my mum reminded me I owed her the cash for that. They are far from being hard up. After id spent literally hundreds of pounds getting us up there. It’s a bit of a joke now among my siblings, how tight my mum is. It made me feel quite sad though.

How can it cost you £100 in petrol to drive 3hrs there then 3 hrs back?

Yanbu

Was about to ask the same thing. I regularly do a 4 hour journey and I can do the round trip (8 hours) on 3/4 tank - about £60?

Your parents brought you up. Of course you should make the effort to see them. But , it's not unreasonable to suggest you take it in turns because of the costs involved