Holidays with the in laws...

[Thingsthatgo]

DH's immediate family would really like us to go on holiday with them every year. Unfortunately we have very different ideas of what makes a good holiday. They like to go to the middle of nowhere and walk/hike every day. DH, our DCs, and I much prefer city and cultural holidays.
DH's auntie and uncle would also like us to go on holiday with them regularly. We are very close to them, would love to see them more and our idea of a great holiday is very closely aligned. They even offer to pay for us to go with them (but we decline)
DH struggles to get much time off in school holidays, and DCs don't want to miss any school, so doing both is not possible.
Would we be unreasonable to go on holiday with DH's auntie and uncle?

Alternate years? Or one week with cousins and a long weekend with in-laws? I love to walk, but a whole week with nothing else to do would be tricky with anyone other than direct family.

I think you do what works best for you as a family when it involves AL.

Perhaps do an occasional weekend with his parents if you like, but not an AL holiday that is of zero interest to the family.

Do whatever works best for you!

Not everyone's idea of holidays are the same and tbh with limited annual leave and the price of holidays I wouldn't be doing anything I didn't want to for a holiday - the time is too precious.

I'd say holidays with immediate family every year is possibly a bit much, but I also wouldn't get swept into alternating or "keeping it fair" (it'll end up like a battle of who spends Christmas where!) I'd just take each year as it comes and go wherever you want to the most.

YANBU to spend your holiday doing what you want to with people you want to.

YANBU - it's your time off, you should spend it relaxing and the way you want it.

We tried vacationing with my ILs and it was awful. I felt like I needed another holidays afterwards. Luckily, my DH enjoyed it even less so we didn't attempt to do it again. Now that I am pregnant with my first DC, I am worried they will want to try again.

DH's uncle is his mum's brother. It feels like betrayal! But.... I love going on holiday with them!

As well as going away with the Aunt could you do a long weekend somewhere with your DH’s parents? In the U.K. (if that’s where you live) somewhere, based around good walks? It’s a lot to spend a week + hiking if it’s not your thing but a weekend, with stops at nice villages for a pub or cafe lunch might be nice and you can pick a walk that takes you past Roman ruins, and throw in a visit to a castle or a stately home.

Why don't you say we don't fancy a walking holiday but please join us in New York, Edinburgh, Barcelona, Hong Kong or wherever you're off to. They're free to turn that down if they like but at least they've been offered and it shows it's about destination rather than people

'Hi mum. Uncle x has invited us to do x with them this year. I know you're not fond of a city, would you like to join us for a few days at the end or we could meet up another weekend?'

Or just go on holiday with your DH and kids and go wherever and do whatever you like? Maybe your kids would like it to be just you?

You only get one life. Spend it how you want, not how other people want you to.

This

I agree with this. If your parents are only interested in a holiday that's entirely on their terms then they shouldn't be upset if you decline. You'd need to be very open about it though and explain that you understand they love hiking but it doesn't interest you and your DC so, as you don't have the time or money for 2 holidays, you could only go with them if you could find somewhere with activities that you can all enjoy. If you are not entirely clear about this you run the risk of them joining you wherever you have chosen then being annoyed that you don't want to find somewhere to hike. I speak from experience having agreed to take MIL on holiday with (I thought) the understanding that we would be spending most days sight seeing etc, not sitting by the pool/beach. She then followed us round like a stroppy teenager all week, refusing to stay by the pool on her own but complaining that she was missing out on her sunbathing!

Maybe try a short break with them first and see how it goes.

We go away regularly with the inlaws but we always have our own space - our own apartment or hotel room.

We tend to do our own thing during the day and just meet in the evening for dinner. Sometimes we do trips/tours together in the day or see them round the pool, but mostly do our own thing.

Yeah, I think communication is key here... DH finds it tricky to have a straightforward conversation with his parents because they have always been a family who skirt around honesty with subtext and unspoken things! We do have long weekends with MiL and FiL going for long walks.
We usually say, we fancy Rome (for example) this year, you're very welcome to join us. They always say, 'It's not really our cup of tea, next we should choose somewhere together.'

I just feel guilty, but maybe I shouldn't.