AIBU to believe frequent SM posters are massively unhappy?

[Ncbo]

I don't use social media much, more of just a watcher than poster.

It's become painfully obvious to me that the "perfect happy couples" are in actual fact miserable and playing out their life on an app that actually nobody gives a crap about.

Same with the parents who overshare their kids and show every detail of their day.

Just got me thinking as the neighbours argue every other day, on their kiss and make up days it prompts a post on SM declaring their undying love for each other 🙃

I think people use it as a diary - I sometimes post quite banal things on Instagram like going into the office on a nice day and taking a pretty picture of London. But when you scroll through in later years you might remember something you had forgotten doing, so it's quite a nice record.

What I don't understand is the "Stories". What is the point of going to all that effort of posting something for it to disappear after 24 hours? It makes much more sense to actually post.

I’m not on Facebook but do use Instagram regularly to post about my life
I also tweet and use linked in to promote work related stuff
I am also very happy and just as likely to share a beautiful sunset or a disappointing affirmation as much as personal pictures

Not in my experience, no.

Yep that's how I use it. Post the funny or bland or just the coffee. May even post about Breast exam next week (afterwards)

Many people do gushing mothers and Father's Day messages, we don't assume they are fake where as we do with couples. (I think it's only once/twice a year I do a nice partner post else it's mostly just noting how long suffering or that he is also there at the meal/cinema

Another one here with a friend who has told me in person she would not marry her DH if she had her time again, who constantly posts gushey, lovey-dovey messages to and about him on SM.
I don't understand it. I'm not game to confront her about it but I feel like I'm part of a weird deception now.

Goodness what a nasty view of your friends and family.

What do you think of people who start threads on social media like mumsnet?

I need to brush up on my acronyms... It took me ten posts to realise SM was social media and not single mums.

Yeah. I don't use it because I think it's all about validation. I dated someone who basically didn't talk to me, but would be constantly taking pictures of us, our food, everywhere we went... all for clicks and the 'showing off' factor.

For some people, inter-relationship approval/happiness is more important than intra-relationship approval/happiness.

I use it as a photo album a bit too. Although my friend showed me how to make my posts private if I want to just photo dump as a way of saving. Because I told her I was using it as an album not because she was sick of me posting!

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. There is no proof of this at all .

https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/people-are-revealing-truth-behind-their-happy-looking-social-media-posts-its-heartbreaking.html

Lonely I think. Maybe insecure too.

I grew up in the pre mobile phone/internet era.

I remember thinking when social media emerged: how utterly fucking weird. If you love/appreciate your partner, you tell them so or write it in a private card (or even a text message). Putting such a message on social media is bizarre and makes it so that your life is a story that others follow - a soap opera. I don’t know which is worse - those who put it online or those who bother reading it.

I also remember thinking that only people who were obsessed with themselves would post this kind of stuff online. But now, a generation have grown up with it and think it’s normal. I still find it awful and have never had Facebook, Twitter or any of it.

I like stories for the exact reason that many of them really are not very interesting long term. A coffee in the sunshine is a lovely moment to share but it doesn't need to be kept for all eternity. Stories are like a passing comment. I post things like Christmas family picture or a new addition to the family or something with significance

I agree OP. Not so much couples but I have a few friends who post multiple times a day and honestly it gives the impression that they are in a mental health crisis more than anything. I think it's reflects tremendous neediness and a thirst for validation that I think is very unhealthy.

One of them stopped posting for a few months and said that not a single SM follower reached out to see if she was OK.

Of course SM is mostly a highlights reel, and of course behind the screen life is not like that 100% of the time but no I definitely don’t agree that those I know who post frequently are miserable, or attention seeking. I post pretty frequently and I have a wonderful life, I only have friends on my SM who I enjoy seeing their updates, the nice things they’re doing and watching their kids grow. If I didn’t enjoy seeing their posts then I would know we aren’t really friends so I wouldn’t have them on SM. You can be happy that other people have good things happening without it degrading your own. I also get a lot of good ideas of things to do and visit from friends posts.

I think that people who think things like 'oh they must be so unhappy and insecure because they post on facebook/instagram' are probably a bit unhappy and insecure themselves. They make themselves feel better by telling themselves that it is all for show, Anne's life/relationships whatever are crap really.

The people I know that post the most on social media are just generally social, outgoing, happy people and they don't have any social media angst/don't over analyse everything.

If I’m out doing something fun with my family or friends and we get a good pic, I’ll upload it to Instagram as long as it’s a good pic of me.

My page is mostly holiday photos, kids/dogs being cute and days/evenings out - of course these are the highlights, I’m not about to post a photo of me with my mum bun and tatty leggings taking the bins out. Doesn’t mean my page isn’t real life and I’m perfectly happy and secure!!

So yabu 😁

The 3 people I know who post most on social media really do have enviable lives and great marriages/families (and I know them well enough to be pretty sure).

They also all enjoy photography, and have numerous friends and family who live a long way away or in a different country - so it's a way of keeping them in the loop as well.

I'm sure there are people who fake a lot on SM, but you also get plenty of genuine ones. Just like in real life...

I am very much in the "everyone should use SM however works for them because the great thing about it is that the rest of us can just scroll on past whatever doesn't work for us" camp. And overall, I am quite happy to look or ignore, depending on my mood, holiday photos, stealth boasts, endless baby pics etc.

Having said that, rather cynically, if I see a couple where one or both are posting extraordinarily, borderline inappropriate posts about how great the other one is, the best mummy/daddy ever etc etc, especially if it happens more than once... my antennae do prick up because sadly, many of these I've seen have either subsequently broken up or I know enough about in real life to know it's a complete load of bollocks.

I think this is a massive generalisation and you can't begin to understand why individual people use SM. I agree with a PP that a lot of people experience a kind of reverse schadenfreude and tell themselves that everyone on SM must be unhappy because they want to feel better about themselves.

People use SM for a vast array of different reasons. Yes some of them will be trying to paint over the cracks in their marriage and some are narcissists... but a lot of younger people in particular use it to communicate with each other. It's a completely natural part of life, like breathing. Some people use it like a digital photo album, some people use it to blow of steam about their political views, to share jokes and silly memes or cat videos, some people use it to keep in touch when they have lost phone numbers etc. It's far too simplistic to say all SM users are desperately unhappy and dying inside.

I also think increasingly women in particular are subjected to a nasty moralistic tone about their use of social media. People routinely post that their (female) friends are "attention seeking" on Facebook or Insta or that someone should "act their age" etc. I'm curious to know if men judge each other's use of Insta in the same way. I'm going to guess not.

That’s a drop in the ocean from the 2 billion or so Facebook users GloriousD .

I think some people are just oversharers and/or addicted regardless of whether they're happy or sad at that point in their lives. I know people who document everything that's going on, and with those people, I wouldn't necessarily assume they were bullshitting if they were saying how wonderful their spouse is or whatever. It'd just be how they felt that particular hour of the day, and there'd be something else on there soon enough.

But there are definitely also people who doth protest too much on social media, yes.

We are the soppy in public and on social media types and yes, we are that happy. Not had an argument yet and it’s been 9 years

Yes, exactly.

I don't think there is any correlation between happiness, health of relationship, excitingness of life etc and SM use.

DH and I both use Instagram, but have entirely different practices and philosophies for what we post, and how often. Mine is essentially a diary of 'stuff I've seen that was interesting, striking, beautiful, strange etc', his is a much more full-on documentation of events and people. I might post once or twice a week, and then post nothing at all for a fortnight or more, DH might post 30 job-photos over a weekend. I hate being photographed so I'm seldom in them, but DS is. Most of my posts don't contain people.

My ten most recent posts are the view from a mountain summit (I climbed it with a friend, but he's not in the photo), a strange illustration in child's book thrown on the street, DS's hand wearing jelly rings, a few strange pieces of graffitti, a ewe and lamb, a painting I bought, DS on another summit. DH's are much more numerous, and all of professional occasions, friends and travels.

I use social media, usually Facebook and insta.
Not unhappy at all but also rarely reference my relationship.
I remember saying once that the sign of a healthy relationship was no sign of it on SM.