I feel DP behaviour is controlling

[Viewfromtheafternoon1]

So have been together 3 years. I went out the other week with friends and our children after school. Just a general catch up, weren't out late and Me and DC has a nice time. DP got annoyed at me for being our and not replying to a non urgent text. Turns out from speaking to DP the next week they were jealous because other people were doing things at the end of term and they weren't.

DP wanted me to get a babysitter for my DC so we could spend a night together. We haven't been able to recently due to child contact issues with DC dad. I said no. DP went away the weekend just gone with a friend which I obviously have no problem with and was happy they were having fun. An opportunity arose for me to go to a concert that weekend they were away. I asked my DM to look after my DC in the evening and I would return that evening and stay there too. It was a big concert. I was so excited to be able to go. DP got annoyed at me though. However was just blunt, hardly messaged and I knew something was wrong. So I asked what was up. DP said how could they say no to them to spend a night together but yes to this concert.
I replied it was a last min one off thing and my DM had said she would look after DC and she was away and otherwise I'd just be sitting at home staring at 4 walls.

DP has gone on to say that I'm mean and rude and awful for doing this and I should now apologise. I feel I'm not though. I didn't plan this and it was a one off opportunity whilst DP was away having fun. Who's unreasonable?

I can't understand why you wouldn't go out with your DP?

He sounds like an arse but I do agree that if you can get a sitter to go to a concert, you should for a night with him

Bit weird to tell him you couldn’t spend any time with him due to childcare and then as soon as he makes plans you manage to have your mum mind the kids.

He?

It sounds like you're not that bothered about spending time with them, so I see DP's point of view. Do you do anything together?

I'd be very pissed off with you, did you not want to go out with your partner?

The kids babysitting bit was not true as you managed to sort it when YOU wanted to go out.

I would be annoyed if my dp said no to trying to have one night together but the minute I went away, suddenly they can get childcare and go out.

If you don't want to be with them, just call it a day surely?

That the problem with these threads. It jarring to read, so people try to work out what ruddy sex people are, so the thread fills up with gravy.

Sorry, I kinda agree with your DP here.

Ehhhh I'd be apologising if I had any sense and actually wanted a relationship with him.

When you're dating / with someone who has children there is obviously an expectation that you might not always come first, but fuck hanging around to be an even lower priority than second best. You've shown him he's not important enough to "waste" a childcare request for, but a random concert you weren't bothered enough to buy tickets for in the first place is? I'd be hurt and think you were rude too.

I agree but the partner being either sex in this situation would not change my opinion, the OP IBU

I guess I've still been really angry at me for just going out with my friends all because they felt they weren't doing anything that evening. There's so many other things too.

You've posted about the after school pub thing before- same sex lesbian relationship isn't it? I still think the same as I did last time, this relationship doesn't sound healthy or fun. Moving on is better for both of you.

The sulking is a red flag and jealousy over you going out with friends but I’d be fucking hurt never mind pissed off if you wouldn’t get a babysitter to spend time with me, your partner, but did it at the drop of a hat for something random.

He sounds delightful! He's pointed out your 1 mistake- you didn't get a babysitter to enable you to go out with him. Doesn't mean he can treat you like dirt the rest of the time X

Sorry- just realised OP partner is a woman.

I think it's pretty telling that you didn't want to get a babysitter so you could spend an evening with your partner. I'd say maybe the relationship has run it's course. 🤷‍♀️

Your posts are quite confusing OP can you be clearer

Huh?

I thought it was the same poster too.

Op if you post one incident in isolation it’s really difficult to judge.

If you are the poster whose partner was annoyed to spent some time in the pub with your friends a few weeks ago, you aren’t happy in the relationship and I agree there’s unhealthy behaviour from your partner.

But in this situation I can see why they are upset. You can’t get a baby sitter to spend time with them, but can to do other things. I think what’s clear is that you aren’t happy. Your partner isn’t happy. I think it’s run it’s course

Agree your posts are confusing and weirdly vague.

Yeah it doesn’t seem like you care about having a date night with your partner - why couldn’t you ask your mum to babysit so you can go out?

To be fair I'd be quite upset with my DH if he did this on me

As per the last time you posted - you don't have to be in a relationship with someone you don't like whatsoever. Neither do they. It's isn't compulsory