DS's face hit with door slammed on purpose by another pupil, but other pupil NOT punished.

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While at school, my DS had a door slammed in his face by another pupil. It happened too quickly for my DS to react and so the door hit his face with force. All the school has done is spoken to the other pupil about the incident. The school has decided not to punish the other pupil in any way whatsoever, as they say that punishing the other pupil could lead to the other pupils in my DS's year group staying away from my DS, for fear of getting into trouble.

For background, my DS has ASD and sadly doesn't have any friends at school. The school cited the same reasons for not punishing pupils when my DS was pushed a number of times by another pupil for a period of time and when kicked number of times by yet another pupil for a period of time. I accepted their approach before, but it clearly hasn't made a difference. I am now at the point where I feel the school think that my DS should endure being hurt in a hope that the rest of the year group might somehow find it in themselves to be more inclusive?

If you're a school leader, please can you let me know what action you would expect to happen if such an incident happened at your school?

I am wondering if it's worth making a formal complaint so that there is a formal record of the school's handling of this.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Would you consider reporting the assault(s) to the police?

Not a school leader but a teacher.

Often; the punishment is not shared with others because it doesn’t pertain to your actual child, even if your child is the victim.

However, I’m not sure that’s what is going on here - this sounds more like the school is not dealing with bullying; since it sounds like your child has been physically assaulted multiple times; and nothing has been done about it.

The school has decided not to punish the other pupil in any way whatsoever, as they say that punishing the other pupil could lead to the other pupils in my DS's year group staying away from my DS, for fear of getting into trouble.

I’d be pointing out that their approach may very well set it up as being seen as acceptable in the year group to physically hurt your son without fear of repercussion.

I’d complain in writing so that it’s documented that they have tried this approach before and it hasn’t worked so you are very against it this time.

If someone assaulted my child I’d be involving the police, every single time. The law doesn’t change because it happens inside a school and a hate crime allegation might just stop the others from thinking it’s fine to pick on the child with autism.

If over 10 years old, then yes the police.

Can you change schools?

Is this primary or secondary school age?

Were there witnesses? If no witnesses, then it could be hard to see whether this was a deliberate slam of door or accidental closing of a door and the school might not feel it has enough evidence to take any further action. If there were witnesses then it should be easier for school to take action.

Agreed. The school is failing to safeguard your ds.

I'd tell them I'd be delighted if the punishment makes others stay away from him, as the only time people come near him it seems to be to assault him with impunity.

Email the school confirming their inaction and asking for confirmation that it is policy to allow SEN children to be assaulted with impunity?

Note the other incidents.

Inform them that you are reporting the incident to the police and will be also involving board or management/school governor.

Your child is unsafe in the environment and has been deliberately injured on several occasions.

You will also be self reporting to Social Services.

Note the individual names of those that are giving you the run a round innthe school.

Your son should not have to put up with this.

Your poor son.

My DS is secondary school age.

I don't know if there were any witnesses.

The school would most likely also say that the pushing and kicking incidents would not amount to assault, but that it came under "normal" pushing and kicking instances in schools. The school would probably say that while the pupils did push & kick, they did not intend to hurt my DS, which is what they said re the door incident.

I'd take this further op. Your poor DS.
Just my opinion but the schools reasoning behind not punishing the other children sounds ridiculous.
As a pp said, they're basically saying it's acceptable to hurt your son.

I would agree
formal complaint (cumulative) to head an governors
contact senco and ask for the policy
consider police if your son is willing
move schools if you can

If I push and kick someone in the street, it's assault.

If my DP pushes and kicks me, it's assault.

If you pushed and kicked your son it would be assault.

The school don't get to re-write the law because they don't fancy dealing with bullying.

Pushing and kicking people is not 'normal'. If it is normal at that school then even more reason for the police to be involved.

This has to be written down to be taken seriously. I had a similar issue and it wasn't until I wrote down in an email a request for them to share with me a detailed plan of exactly how they intended to keep my child safe at school, that they stopped the gaslighting "boys will be boys" "frienemy" bullshit and started to take it seriously.

I had no great desire for the other child to be punished because in this case it was a child with massive amounts of trauma and disregulation and punishment would not have worked. I did think it was really important that school protected HIM from situations where he had the opportunity to irrevocably fuck up his life by seriously harming another child. And I made this clear in my email too.

Schools are so fucking ill-equipped to deal with behavioural issues. Particularly those that are caused by general pack-mentality, arseholery rather than any actual SEN/trauma issues. A lot of it has to do with lack of buy in from parents.

If schools took more seriously the "banter" type toxic masculinity horrors then perhaps the kid who died at school this week in Scotland might still be alive.

The school are wrong, but it’s not going to go anywhere. Concentrate on the school helping your child to become more integrated within the group. How and what are they going to do to get help him to make friends.

RelaxingClassics · Today 14:17
agree schools need to start coming down hard on bullies. I’d def get the police if any of my children were assaulted at school. This horrible incident happened in my own town in Scotland. The rumour is the poor boy was being bullied. Last year a 13 year old threw himself onto a moving train due to bullying. Horrible

If not available publicly ask them for copies of the school's behaviour and safeguarding policies, read them and check that what they are telling you is in line with them. If not, ask them why they are not following their own policies. For example, my DC's school's policy suggests that physical violence is something serious enough to warrant a suspension or even permanent exclusion - that is a long way from zero consequences.

As others have said, get your concerns down in writing. That your DS has been subject to a number of instances of physical violence from other pupils and that you do not believe that their approach to dealing with it is going to be effective at protecting your child and, if it is the case, set out why you feel they are not following their own policies.

"Talking" to the student would usually be the first step in the behaviour policy. They can't discuss any "punishment" with you anyway. What kind of punishment would satisfy you?

They need to put things in place to make sure DS (all students) are safe, but they shouldn't tell you how they are managing another student's behaviour.

It's clearly not about the other pupil receiving a punishment to "satisfy" me. It's about the message the lack of punishment is sending. It's also about levying the appropriate level of punishment, in line with the its seriousness. Pupils at the school receive detentions for far less serious matters.

So the message they are sending is that while it is presumably not OK for pupils to assaults other in general, it is OK for them to assault your DS because he has additional needs?
Effectively they have made him a target for bullies because bullies know they can attack him with impunity.

I would ask for a meeting at the school with the head teacher, and the head of safe guarding. Say this is a safeguarding issue and also a discrimination issue and cannot be allowed to continue. Ask them for a plan and a comittment on how they are going to keep your child safe in school where he is as entitled as all children are to receive an education without fear of harm.

As these children are secondary age, I would definitely consider informing the police.

I am not sure why the school has said they are not taking any further action. Surely any action they are taking is confidential to the child (ok other kids usually know if a kid has had a detention or been excluded, but it's not shouted about).

This does not make sense.

The school has decided not to punish the other pupil in any way whatsoever, as they say that punishing the other pupil could lead to the other pupils in my DS's year group staying away from my DS, for fear of getting into trouble

This bit. Why would they say that? All they need to say is appropriate action has been taken.

That might mean nothing at all, but it is bizarre that they would say so!

I guess the other child has said it was an accident and without witnesses they can't prove it either way.

My DS was in the same situation and I took it to the head who told me that DS was obviously different from the other children and he'd better get used to it because it will be the same for the rest of his life. I'd concentrate on finding him an activity where he can make friends or at least where no school children are.

Absolutely this.

And I'd be emailing the school to clarify when they said "xxxxxx" they did mean they wouldn't punish a child for assaulting someone with a disability to stop them excluding the person with a disability.

Then consider taking it further