I invite friend to something, she invited another group

[Wheeto]

NC incase my friend or somebody we know is in here.

I live 4-5 hours away from the place I grew up, where my good friend still resides. I've seen her twice in the last few years as we rarely get chance to meet up. We both have DC and demanding jobs.

I invited her to a festival I'd seen advertised. It's in her area so I'm travelling down. The invitation was extended to her new-ish DP too who is coming along - no problem, she sounds nice and it'll be good to meet her.

It turns out she's now invited a whole bunch of people from her workplace who I don't know from Adam. I'm feeling a bit awkward and disappointed about that as I wasn't banking on going with a big group. I'm quite a quiet person around new people due to some underlying anxiety. It includes pre-drinks, getting ready together etc. Everybody is meeting at my friends house so I can't really avoid it.

I haven't said anything as I don't want to make a fuss or spoil the event but I do wish she hadn't done that.

Would this bother you? Am I being a bit antisocial?

A bit, although maybe not so much as it's a festival and it will probably add to the event and it will also be better than being a third wheel.

Ah fair enough, well once you get there the work group might branch off anyway or maybe you'll all get along and had a great time anyway.

Yeah. This is pretty rubbish of your friend - similar happened to me a fair few years back - pretty annoying. Is there anyone else you can take with you?

There's nobody I can take with me from where I am now but I'm sure I'll bump into some old friends/aquaintances whilst there. To put a positive spin on it I guess it gives me more free reign to wander off and do my own thing for a bit. Different areas have different music and we might want to go to different spots when there.

I think she ought to have asked if you minded first. I'd probably still go but would also try and catch up with her another time over lunch or dinner, say.

It wouldn’t bother me, but I thrive in group settings with new people.

That's a bit shitty, but I bet you have an amazing time, is it somewhere you can put some glitter on?

Maybe turn up with glitter and glue, break the ice with some festival bling (cheap from amazon)

See if your friend wants to go for breakfast/lunch before you go home the following day to have a catch up one on one (with her new partner)

I actually have a load of glitter packed to take with me, v excited to rock up looking like a disco ball 😁

I would be absolutely fine with this. Drinking and getting ready is usually the best part of a night out for me and if it's a bit of a group then that just adds to the fun. You will have time to catch up before and after too I am sure.

I hate the 'the more the merrier' attitude. I am shy too and hate socialising with new people, so I totally get where you are coming from.

I wouldn't count that as 'inviting someone somewhere' thats 'meeting up at the same event' its entirely different.

If there was a festival, firework show, big town event I would obviously expect people to be meeting up with multiple people thats how these things work.

Inviting someone somewhere is like inviting them to your house, a meal reservation, your wedding, your kids christening etc... these aren't 'public' events.

If you just meet up at the pub, fairground, parade or a local street party of course its a free for all.

YANBU to feel how you do but she hasn’t been “shitty” or done anything wrong. I don’t understand why some people are so averse to meeting new people, especially at a festival. But I respect that you feel the way you do. Many people on here though don’t seem to remember that respecting different outlooks is a two way thing - there’s nothing wrong with a “more the merrier” approach just as there is nothing wrong with people who prefer to keep things low key.

as it’s a festival I do think YAB a bit U. If it was a dinner out just the two of you that would be different.

Same

Seee, your going to have an amazing time!
Try not to overdo the pre drink wine for courage though 🍷

Ahh I'm a little jealous, love a festival 🎉

@Kanaloa because finding out that your work mate/school gate friend is going to a theme park and then you going separately or with another group on the same day is really weird, awkward and has serious stalker vibes 😆. A theme park is open throughout the year. A festival is for a limited time so if you're going then people you know are going to be there too. What do you do when you see them? Pretend you don't?

There's a brilliant episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where the main characters go out to dinner separately and end up in the same restaurant. I'll see if the clip I'm thinking of is on YouTube.

I think you’ve misunderstood. Nobody is suggesting the op’s friend blanks other people she knows if she sees them at the festival. That isn’t the situation being discussed at all.

The friend has invited a group the op doesn’t know to come to her home before the festival and go together with them. It has nothing to do with ignoring people you see.

For what it’s worth, you can also see people you know at theme parks. This seems a very confusing concept to you.

...ahh but turning up on the same day is super awkward. Especially if you've discussed it.

"I'm going to Chessington on Saturday".

"OMG, so am I, shall we car pool?"

as opposed to just turning up and this happening...

While you find strangers hard work, I can find some individuals hard work one-on-one, particularly those I don't see often. The expectation of constant chat and struggling to regain the old intimacy that allows for relaxed companionship can just be really hard work, and especially hard with someone you know is lovely placing all their "good time" expectations on an event so you don't want to let them down. For that reason I have a lot of sympathy with why she's organised it this way. Yes she should have asked, of course, but it's done now. Hopefully it will be better than you fear.