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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not expect my dr to give me such a hard time over vaccinations

101 replies

squimlet · 21/02/2008 10:54

So we have decided to delay giving dd her mmr vaccinations. she has glue ear and persistant coughs and colds and we have decided to delay giving it to her till she is up and running a bit better - even it thats a few years down the line.
So this morning my dr started giving me a hard time over it saying that she will catch this that and the other and then she will be infertile and her children might be brain damaged and do I want that on my concience. How would that make me feel knowing it was my fault etc etc.
I just nodded and smiled but Oh god inside I was boiling with rage. I so wanted to tell him to bugger off but refrained.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 21/02/2008 10:57

My ds has had all his vaccinations, but it is fair enough if you want to wait while your lo is poorly. Blardy doctor!

mumblechum · 21/02/2008 11:01

Why would you have to wait a few years? Surely a couple of weeks will see her feeling better?

Sorry but I agree with your GP, though he could have said it more gently

Original poster
squimlet · 21/02/2008 11:05

she has had glue ear and persistant coughs for over a year now. I feel that she could do with longer to recover

OP posts:
Original poster
squimlet · 21/02/2008 11:06

either way its our decision as and when she has them and not the gp's. I dont think he should be allowed to make me feel guilty and bad about not giving her them straight away. Afer all I didnt say never I just said later.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 21/02/2008 11:10

Sounds like he was making sure you were aware of the risks and perhaps he's seen cases where kids have suffered due to not being vaccinated.
I would be more annoyed had he not made you aware of the risks.

georgedontdothat · 21/02/2008 11:11

My dd just had hers on Tuesday and she is 2 .
We delayed it because of our sn daughter and my dd was on the coni scheme when she was tiny due to apnoe attacks.

The dr's and health visitor didn't bat an eyelid .I think the dr you saw was a bit of an arse TBH

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 11:11

Then why ask if you are being unreasonable?

crokky · 21/02/2008 11:13

What an idiotic doctor. Firstly vaccinations are not compulsory and secondly I would never let a child have MMR if she was not 100% well.

I'm not sure, but I think GPs have targets to get lots of kids the MMR and they are rewarded financially.

Original poster
squimlet · 21/02/2008 11:15

i understand the need to be made aware of the facts but his tone was quite uneccessary. He was patronising and frankly obnoxious. I asked if I was being unreasonable to be annoyed with him and his manner not the info he was giving me

OP posts:
shabster · 21/02/2008 11:17

squimlet - you should have roared in doctors face - yes.....before the rest of you start I have had my DS4 vacinated for everything except the MMR. He is now 10 yrs.

My doctor called me a neurotic, older mother - (less of the older!) DS had confirmed rubella at 5 months - I wanted the other two parts of the vacine separately and offered to pay and go to whichever medical center they wanted.

I have severe misgivings about the MMR situation (I can just see the rest of you on here with blood boiling - but DS IS MY CHILD AND IT IS MY DECISION.) I have had 4 sons and been bereaved of two of them - so obviously I will be nervous and afraid about most medical matters.

My doctor also said, and these where her exact words 'You neurotic older mother, you just wait until your son gets measles - dont you dare ring me up expecting me to come out to you, you are one of these parents who think they know their child best'.

clam · 21/02/2008 11:18

I could understand his response if you'd said you weren't ever going to have her 'done,' but you've only decided to delay it. I told our practice nurse I didn't want all DD's booster jabs done at once, but in 2 sittings, a few weeks apart, and she said fine, loads of people elected to do that. Your child, your decision.

shabster · 21/02/2008 11:19

crokky - you are correct - the more the doctors give the MMR injection the more financially rewarded they are - so obviously they are going to push mums to do it.

To be honest - they can push off (preferably over a cliff)

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 11:20

I have no problem with people who chose not to get their children vaccinated. Of course the gp would be wrong to be rude and patronising to you. I still dont think it is wrong to make sure you are aware of the risks.

shabster · 21/02/2008 11:22

I asked the same GP to write a letter for me that stated my little lad would never suffer any serious side effects from the MMR injection - a letter that I could keep for future reference.

She said 'dont be so stupid - that would make me liable if anything went wrong!!!!'

diplodocus · 21/02/2008 11:26

Just to play devils advocate, it sounds like your dd may be a candidate for complications if she does get measles (e.g. severe ear infections and chest infections) based on what you've said of her health . Obviously it's your choice, but measles is a serious disease and many children are extremely poorly with it. Some of dr's arguements are completely inappropriate though, and I think he handled it very poorly.
And yes, they are paid based on vaccination rates.

clam · 21/02/2008 11:27

But surely that's the crux of the whole MMR debate? That noone can prove (either way) if MMR is responsible for autism/Crohn's disease/whatever? So how could such a letter be of any real use? They'd just say that any problem wasn't connected to the jab. 2 weeks after DD's booster jabs, she contracted HSP (complex condition related to her auto-immune system violently over-reacting to a common virus. Wonder which of the 7 they'd just injected into her system it might have been?), which resulted in lasting kidney damage, for which we've been traipsing in and out of GOSH for ever since. Drs just shrugged when I mentioned the co-incidence, but TBH didn't really expect anything else.

PortAndLemon · 21/02/2008 11:31

The risks of delaying it for (say) a year are pretty slim, though, and telling squimlet all the stuff she quoted in the first post isn't making sure she is aware of the risks. Delaying MMR vaccination from 12 months to 2.5 years does not mean that a child "will catch this that and the other and then she will be infertile and her children might be brain damaged".

bb99 · 21/02/2008 11:39

No vaccinations are without a risk, but docs are getting worried about (especially) a measles outbreak - the number of reported cases is currently increasing and it is a horrible disease that can have life limiting complications or lead to death. Also if you do miss a vaccine slot then you become much more likely to miss the whole vaccination as you sort of fall off the system, and some parents can be forgetful about these sorts of things (possibly why doc was so forceful?!*)

Dc1 was due mmr at height of controversy surrounding autism (I think most/all of the recent papers actually cannot prove any kind of link between mmr and autism onset, the original study that illustrated such a link was really frothed up by the media) we avoided and had single measles vaccine, but I have failed to get a booster and she is at an increased risk - off now to make an appointment! (Forgetful parent )

bb99 · 21/02/2008 11:40

Surprised doc wanted to vaccinate on a child with cold / fever?

shabster · 21/02/2008 11:44

clam - You are right a letter wouldn't have had any purpose whatsoever I was pushing her because she drives me around the bend.

Im sorry to hear about your DD's health problems - I understand how worrying they can be. My DTS had congenital heart problems and I would have rather been poorly than him

clam · 21/02/2008 11:51

I don't want to put off anyone from having vaccinations - both my DCs were done, and I would do it again, despite the possible complications DD suffered. I don't know the jabs triggered it. And actually, we got off quite lightly with it all in the end. There are no lasting effects that impact on her everyday life now at all.

shabster · 21/02/2008 11:55

clam - so glad to hear that there are no lasting effects on your DD. I think when our child is very poorly we need a reason, or a cause. Just good to hear she is OK

MsHighwater · 21/02/2008 12:10

If your GP's manner left something to be desired, YANBU to be annoyed but he was not being unreasonable to go to some lengths to make you aware of the risks of delaying. Perhaps he suspects you are making excuses to avoid the MMR altogether. Are you?

Remember that, although it's better not to vaccinate an unwell child (at least partly to avoid the mistaken inference that any subsequent illness is connected to the vaccine) there might well come a point where the disadvantages of vaccinating the slightly poorly child are outweighed by the disadvantages of not vaccinating.

I think, for those of you who have been suggesting it, it is deeply and unreasonably cynical to suggest that the GP (and GPs generally) are only motivated to vaccinate by money. Is it too much to expect you to believe that GPs, on the whole, want children to be vaccinated because it will protect them from illness?

Original poster
squimlet · 21/02/2008 12:21

nope we are only postponing it not cancelling it. we want her body to be fitter before she gets it.
I was objecting to his tactics of 'informing ' me rather than anything else

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HappyMummyOfOne · 22/02/2008 09:23

Shabster, maybe your doc and my HV are related. She did everything possible to get me to give DS the MMR and the number of lectures about how I was a bad mother etc remain with me.

DS did get the jabs, just separately. Our choice as his parents and I wouldn't hesitate to go this route again if we had more children.

Mind you this was the same surgery with the midwife who asked me if I knew anorexia was bad for my baby on my initial book in! I'm small in height but if she had bothered to check my records she would have seen my weight remains constant and no problems.

Changed docs since.