How much lying is too much in a marriage?

[PinocchiosWife]

I used to (naively) believe that the only acceptable amount of lying between spouses was zero. Now I'm older I see the need for those little white lies we tell. No darling you look lovely in that new hat, no honestly you weren't boring at all at that dinner party, of course X doesn't dislike you, that kind of thing. But am I being unreasonable to think that lying over big things is just wrong? Am I being unreasonable expecting honesty and openness about important things from my husband?

If I look shit in a hat, I want to know I look shit and my husband respects that. Your other examples are just weird and unrelatable.

I wouldnt lie to my DH about any of these, and I dont think he would lie to me about them either. Why would you?

@Aquamarine1029 @TaggySitz
Not actual examples. 😂🤣🤣
Was trying to think of things that were generalised.
Real example : he accidentally put his hair clippers on closest setting. When he came into the kitchen he had a bald stripe across the side of his head. Wanted to laugh but he was really worried that it was way too short (it was but the missing hair couldn't just be stuck back on) so to be kind I held in my snigger and told him I was sure it would grow back quickly and that it wasn't really too bad.
So that kind of white lie.
(He had to shave the whole lot off to even it up!)

Depends what big things have been lied about.

I lie to my husband. He doesn't need to know the truth about everything. 🙄 🤫 I don't tell him things as well. He's probably the same. But I don't know.
I can't define what makes it something I would or wouldn't lie over. It's just what seems important or not. I've never told a lie that if he found it out, it would hurt our marriage in anyway.

Well there's a few things to unpick there.

First off why didn't you laugh? Is it because he can't laugh at himself and would get angry at you for laughing? Does he take himself far too seriously?

Or were you trying to be nice and to support him in his hour of need?

I lie to my partner all the time. If the truth doesn't serve anyone then why make someone feel like crap.