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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband redundant again - I need to readjust my thoughts on our financial future.

1 reply

Canaryinawharf · 07/06/2023 23:37

My husband has been made redundant for the 4th time in our marriage - I feel so sorry for him as he works extremely hard. He is 50 and so despondent. Was only in the last job for 13 months as company went bust, and then before that two other companies he was working for over the last 4 years looked dodgy financially so he jumped. Being labelled job hopper and not getting past initial interviews.

This is a newish career for him as he re-trained after previous redundancy after 2008 crash. He progressed quickly since training in 2016 (software development) the last few years building to a 95K salary. There are v few jobs, and he is trying lower paid jobs but not even getting those as they think he won't stick. Luckily my career is pretty solid but I don't see how we will manage longer term on one salary and I just don't know what to do to help him. He was getting interest from agents initially two months ago now no one wants to talk to him. He doesn't want to speak to interview coach or career counsellor and won't talk to friends as 'humiliating'. I am worried about his mental health.

When he was made redundant in 2009 it was awful - he went into a deep depression (had been bullied by boss as economic pressure in co got worse and worse), lost his confidence and then eventually started his own company. This had limited success financially, although he was very happy doing it, but he was always trying to deliver a gold-plated service on pennies - meaning family was back of queue for both time and financial resources. This carried on for 5 years with avg annual income of around £12K. It almost destroyed our marriage because he worked so much for such a little return - somehow he decided to do something different and with the re-training was on the right track again.

Given his career history employers unsurprisingly have many questions. I feel so down too and am struggling to manage my fears. Our pensions are rubbish given what happened before and we have teens coming up from uni who we were expecting to largely fund from income. AIBU to panic?

OP posts:
paddingtoncoffee · 08/06/2023 00:05

Canaryinawharf · 07/06/2023 23:37

My husband has been made redundant for the 4th time in our marriage - I feel so sorry for him as he works extremely hard. He is 50 and so despondent. Was only in the last job for 13 months as company went bust, and then before that two other companies he was working for over the last 4 years looked dodgy financially so he jumped. Being labelled job hopper and not getting past initial interviews.

This is a newish career for him as he re-trained after previous redundancy after 2008 crash. He progressed quickly since training in 2016 (software development) the last few years building to a 95K salary. There are v few jobs, and he is trying lower paid jobs but not even getting those as they think he won't stick. Luckily my career is pretty solid but I don't see how we will manage longer term on one salary and I just don't know what to do to help him. He was getting interest from agents initially two months ago now no one wants to talk to him. He doesn't want to speak to interview coach or career counsellor and won't talk to friends as 'humiliating'. I am worried about his mental health.

When he was made redundant in 2009 it was awful - he went into a deep depression (had been bullied by boss as economic pressure in co got worse and worse), lost his confidence and then eventually started his own company. This had limited success financially, although he was very happy doing it, but he was always trying to deliver a gold-plated service on pennies - meaning family was back of queue for both time and financial resources. This carried on for 5 years with avg annual income of around £12K. It almost destroyed our marriage because he worked so much for such a little return - somehow he decided to do something different and with the re-training was on the right track again.

Given his career history employers unsurprisingly have many questions. I feel so down too and am struggling to manage my fears. Our pensions are rubbish given what happened before and we have teens coming up from uni who we were expecting to largely fund from income. AIBU to panic?

I'm so sorry for the stress, upheaval and for having to do it all again.

I'm not sure practical advice is what you need, but counselling for you both to deal with the change in life change could be beneficial.

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