Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to offer advice?

9 replies

BorneoBound · 07/06/2023 22:09

Totally ready to be told I'm being unreasonable.

Our friends (a couple) have both individually told DH that they are in a lot of debt. AIBU to offer to go through their finances with them and give them some advice?

For context I'm an accountant and have helped with his tax return before (he is self employed) so they have shared an element of personal finance with me previously. In my current role I set budgets for a living. I'm not coming at this from a nosy viewpoint at all (I'm actually really busy at work and would rather not get involved) I'm just really worried about them, and I have the experience I think would help. I'm especially wondering about if it would be more beneficial for him to become a ltd co, if he is close to the vat threshold, and what their mortgage payments could look like in a year, which isn't necessarily things they would look into themselves. We are very old friends (20 years)

So let me have it, would I be unreasonable to send them a text to offer?

OP posts:
batsandeggs · 07/06/2023 22:10

They told your partner, not you, so I would stay out of it.

Rummikub · 07/06/2023 22:11

Could your DH offer on your behalf? I think it would be appreciated.

SchoolShenanigans · 07/06/2023 22:11

If I was them, I'd bite your hand off for the advice.

If they haven't told you directly, do you think perhaps your husband could suggest it?

WhatTheFlipToDo · 07/06/2023 22:11

No harm in offering. I think it’s very generous of you.

Summerishereagain · 07/06/2023 22:12

Get your partner to suggest they speak to step change or Christians against poverty. They have the skills and knowledge to help and aren’t their friends - no one wants their friend to go through their bank account.

StopFeckingFaffing · 07/06/2023 22:15

I think that would be a generous thing to do

Since it is your DH they have confided in about their problems then the offer might be best coming from him - e.g. 'been thinking about what you told me last night and wondered if you'd like Borneo to go through your finances with you? She has lots of experience through her job role so might be able to help"

Offer once and if they don't take you up on it then don't mention it again unless they do

ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 22:16

The issue is that finances are very personal. They might be reluctant to tell you the whole truth, whereas a stranger is easier to 'confess' to.

Plus the whole dynamic of your friendship changes. Yes, they get a free £200 session, but then they are demoted to the 'poor relations' bucket. You might not see it like that but they might be self conscious.

Advise DH to tell them to go to stepchange or similar.

Original poster
BorneoBound · 07/06/2023 22:34

Thanks all. I hadn't considered DH offering on my behalf, I like the sound of that. Definitely would only offer once and drop it completely, I totally get where you all are coming from in not wanting to share finances with friends, that's why I wondered if I was bu. Thank you for the organisation names too - I will get DH to mention them in his message so they know up front that there are other options

OP posts:
Equalitea · 08/06/2023 08:23

DH should offer on your behalf.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page