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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand the reason for offering things in fantasy

6 replies

BelleMarionette · 07/06/2023 21:42

Does anyone else experience this? People making offers, but not meaning them. I just think, what is the point? Surely don't say it if you don't mean it.

For example, 'we would love to have your pet when you go away' from a family member. I said sure, then they said they didn't mean the original offer. Or people inviting you round, then when you try to take them up on the offer, it's clear it's wasn't a genuine one. Or inviting you to stay at their place when you go away, but then rescinding. I just don't understand the point.

I find this hard to understand. Why offer at all? How to tell if an offer is genuine or not?

OP posts:
Cyllie33 · 07/06/2023 21:50

I think sometimes people get caught up in the moment, without thinking about the reality eg re: pet. It’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t take it personally.

In terms of people inviting you round, it’s less clear what you mean/what the invite was. Did someone say “Come round for tea tomorrow at 2” or “You must come round some time”? The latter I would definitely still take as an invite but is trickier to follow up, and maybe they didn’t mean it.

Divorcedalongtime · 07/06/2023 21:57

Yes I hate this too.

SkaneTos · 07/06/2023 22:08

You are not being unreasonable, but I also kind of agree with a previous poster. Sometimes, in the moment or in a conversation, perhaps people make an offer/commitment, and then they realize that they can't follow through. And it might be awkward to tell the person they offered to help, so they might make an excuse instead. It's not great, but it's life.

About the invitations - maybe try to invite them over to your place first.

Of course, if it's a proper commitment, and you have a plan ("I will look after your Golden Retriever Tuesday-Thursday next week, I'm looking forward to it. What time will you drop him off at my place on Tuesday?"), then it's very wrong to not follow through, unless there is some kind of personal emergency or something.

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 07/06/2023 22:10

Cyllie33 · 07/06/2023 21:50

I think sometimes people get caught up in the moment, without thinking about the reality eg re: pet. It’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t take it personally.

In terms of people inviting you round, it’s less clear what you mean/what the invite was. Did someone say “Come round for tea tomorrow at 2” or “You must come round some time”? The latter I would definitely still take as an invite but is trickier to follow up, and maybe they didn’t mean it.

Eg, 'do visit when you are in the area', or 'we would love for you to visit', then making plans, with a set day and time, and cancelling twice for last minute improbable reasons. After that I didn't try again as it was clear that the offer wasn't genuine.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/06/2023 22:24

people inviting you round, then when you try to take them up on the offer, it's clear it's wasn't a genuine one

This happened to me once in my twenties. I was invited to a house party and clearly wasn't meant to accept. It was excruciating and one person really made me uncomfortable. There was absolutely no cue that I saw at the time of the invite to suggest it was half hearted. Basically the person who didn't want me there didn't want me there because I'd known her husband from childhood and therefore knew a few secrets that I wouldn't have had any intention of raising at a house party anyway but she was phenomenally rude and I felt ostracised, she wasn't even the host!

YANBU OP I don't know why people do it

Original poster
BelleMarionette · 08/06/2023 07:19

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/06/2023 22:24

people inviting you round, then when you try to take them up on the offer, it's clear it's wasn't a genuine one

This happened to me once in my twenties. I was invited to a house party and clearly wasn't meant to accept. It was excruciating and one person really made me uncomfortable. There was absolutely no cue that I saw at the time of the invite to suggest it was half hearted. Basically the person who didn't want me there didn't want me there because I'd known her husband from childhood and therefore knew a few secrets that I wouldn't have had any intention of raising at a house party anyway but she was phenomenally rude and I felt ostracised, she wasn't even the host!

YANBU OP I don't know why people do it

It's so strange. I don't understand the point of making these offers when they clearly aren't meant.

OP posts:
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