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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send ex this message demanding money

9 replies

lazyfucker · 07/06/2023 19:48

Been split 10 years and he pays no maintenance and never has - CMS says he doesn't earn enough. Two kids aged 16 & 14 - expensive. I'm a teacher and earn quite well but obviously not loads. He inherited at least £200k from his dad 2 years ago and spent the vast majority on a house but does seem to have a bit more money available since then. None ever comes the dc's way though. He has them every Thursday night and every other Fri - Sun. He takes two term-time two week holidays per year(always has - has friends abroad) and often cancels the Saturday night with the dc as he has gigs.

This is his week for having them Thurs-Sun but he told me last week he'd only have them til Sat am as he has a gig. Then today he messaged asking if it's ok if he doesn't have them at all this week as Friday would have been his dad's birthday and he is having a family get together in his dad's town - about an hour away. Doesn't want to have dc on Thursday as it will be too much of a rush (he doesn't drive) and he has loads of marking to do - wfh doing online marking/teaching. Not a permanent role but obviously has loads now and CMS none the wiser.

I'm pissed off. I shop with the plan of dc not being here Thursday as he never cancels that one (it's not the weekend). Now I need to get more food in - it's the logistics of it more than the money. Why is it my problem that he's having a get together and has marking on? I'm a bloody teacher - I always have fucking marking to do but I still manage to have the dc the vast majority of the time. And if he has lots of marking, why can't he chuck some money my way for the dc?

I want to text him back - Ok but please can you transfer me £20 for the food I had budgeted and planned for the dc to have with you? I also have marking/planning to do as always and now will need to do a midweek top-up, which is a bit of a pain to say the least. Presumably you knew about the get together last week so I'd appreciate being asked in advance about this type of thing in the future.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LardyDee · 07/06/2023 19:53

I mean it might make you feel better, and it would not be remotely unreasonable, but there's a much bigger problem here.

Starlightstarbright1 · 07/06/2023 20:01

You can message him but I assume he won’t pay so how would that make you feel ?

Babsexxx · 07/06/2023 20:04

He’s a entitled wanker and you’ve let him get away with too much for too long!

Badbudgeter · 07/06/2023 20:05

Just say no, they need to stay with you as planned.

ChristmasKraken · 07/06/2023 20:07

Babsexxx · 07/06/2023 20:04

He’s a entitled wanker and you’ve let him get away with too much for too long!

How is this her fault? How exactly does she make him pay if cms say he doesn't earn enough?

lazyfucker · 07/06/2023 20:07

Well I'd be frustrated and angry if he didn't pay...but I'm that now. At least in that case I might have the satisfaction of knowing I'd pissed him off and he will know he has refused a request for money outright.

OP posts:
EasterBreak · 07/06/2023 20:07

Say you have plans so he has to have them.

GoodChat · 07/06/2023 20:11

It's worth asking for the money. Worst he can do is say no and you will be no worse off.

Mummapenguin20 · 07/06/2023 20:12

Worst he can say is no

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