Getting evidence back from the police

[Twistedex]

I've posted about my abusive ex before, but have changed username as the specifics of this are outing.

As I say, my ex was abusive (emotionally, mentally and sexually), and when I finally managed to break up with him he harassed and stalked me until the police took him in for voluntary questioning. This was coming up to two years that it started, for several months.

When I reported his behaviour the police took a number of items as evidence, including a huge, 3D silver stag's head ring that he'd left on top of a bunch of flowers shoved into my letterbox. God knows why he thought it was something I would want, it's hideous and very distinctive. The police dropped the case due to insufficient evidence (which is sickening but that's another discussion).

Obviously I didn't want any of the items from him back and thought no more of them, other than being part of a horrible and frightening part of my life.

I have him blocked on all methods of communication and on social media, but we have mutual friends. I've just seen a photo of one of these friends with my ex... who is wearing the stag head ring.

It's made me feel ill; either he asked the police for the ring back, which I don't know is possible, and is now wearing it almost two years on. Or he bought a matching ring and is still wearing it now.

What the fuck? Would he be able to get the ring back from the police? Either way, am I wrong to feel completely freaked out by it?

tumbleweed...

Does the ring belong to him?

If it does and the case is concluded, then it goes back to him as the owner.

No idea sorry, but if you told them it belonged to ex maybe then they'd give it back him.

I don’t see the issue if it was his and the case was dropped why shouldn’t he have it back? (Rubbish that it was but it was so they don’t need to hang on to it any longer) why do you still check out his sm you say mutual friends but if he was so bad you had to involve the police and these “mutual friends”
are still friends with him maybe time to block them too? I’m not sure why you are stay friends with people that are still friends with someone so abusive to you? Just block them or at minimum hide their profiles.

If its his ring then he's entitled to get it back. If the case has been dropped then the police will want rid of anything connected to it.

I'm not checking out his social media at all - the mutual friends are genuinely lovely people and I don't want to cut them of my life because of him. Plus I trust them not to pass on any information about me to him. I cut out a lot of people at the time, but I don't want to lose them. It's only the second time since the police were involved that he's appeared in any of their photos.

With regards to who the ring belonged to, I had never seen it before the day he left it at my house, so he must have bought it for me... just to clarify that it wasn't something he already owned that he gave me. He has small hands, so it's reasonable that it would fit him.

My point is more that he still has it and wears it, given the history of why he bought it and him being investigated for stalking, harassment, sexual assault and rape. Isn't that fucking weird?!

What do you want the police to do with it?

We can't destroy it as its not dangerous or illegal to own

Its not our property - so the owner has a right to have it back

We don't have limitless storage capacity for property - so it has to go somewhere

Yes you get them back - even if it is items seized under the proceed of crime act - if the police cannot sell it then you get it back.

It’s probably a duplicate that he bought to try and mess with your head.

He was weird before he bought the ring, I’m sure he’s still weird now.

I doubt he even realises how weird he is, men like him often don’t.

I can imagine his thinking is he paid for it so may as well use it, you’re overthinking it but that’s to be expected considering what you’ve been through.

But are the mutual friends really such lovely people? I assume they know what he was accused of? Can’t say I’d be keen to hang around with him, never mind taking pics!

Lovely people who are friends with your ex that physically abused you and raped you? They don’t sound very lovely.

anyway yes it’s his so I’m not surprised they gave it back

Again, to clarify, I'm not bothered that the police gave it to him, that's not the issue at all; I just didn't know if they would give it back, or if he'd gone and bought himself a matching one. It's just weirded me out so much that he's wearing it (or, as I wondered, a copy of it) considering how he came to have it in the first place.

But, as @Just4ThisThread rightly says, he was weird before and he's still weird now... well abusive before and abusive now, but that's not going to change. And he probably wouldn't see it as something off either, because he probably still doesn't think he did anything wrong.

My friends are lovely - I wouldn't personally choose to be friends with someone who had done what he has, but he's probably spun them his typical manipulative bullshit and made me out to be crazy (as he did with all his other exes), and I haven't spoken to them in-depth about it because a) it's been hugely traumatic and b) I don't feel the need to convince people that I told the truth about him. I know what he did, but if he's managed to convince people otherwise then there's nothing I can do about that. He's an alcoholic and cocaine addict, so lying comes terrifyingly naturally to him.