Family WhatsApp group

[BlackFlyChardonnay]

It's the family WhatsApp group that's triggered this specific post, but I guess my feelings are about smart phones and always being contactable as a wider subject.

Does anyone else feel constantly bombarded? I keep my phone on silent most of the time, but have to access WhatsApp regularly throughout the day as part of my job. In the space of 40 minutes this afternoon, there's been over a hundred messages on the family chat. It's largely nonsense. There are members of the family that are very active on social media in general, like post a pic of their morning coffee every day, a selfie at the gym, the view view from the window on their commute, any new purchase, even if it's just a sandwich from pret. I'm not like that, but it is fine, i appreciate that people use SM in different ways, and I can hide their posts. But they post this same stuff on WhatsApp. One husband and wife duo comment to each other in the group chat. Like, the husband will post a photo of his lounge and say "finally put those shelves up!" And the wife will reply "well done babe, looks fantastic!!". It's her house. She's sat in her lounge and can see the shelves and praise him in person. Why the need for the public performance?

I feel intruded upon. If I mute the chat, I still see I've got unread messages when i go in to WhatsApp. I got back from holiday this morning and I've already been asked to WhatsApp my holiday pics. I've not unpacked yet, I'm completely exhausted, and then I've been called a spoilsport and a wimp for saying "maybe tomorrow when I hopefully have more time and energy".

On the surface, this is a nice way of dispersed family staying in touch. And I am genuinely interested in the big news and achievements, I just find the constant stream a bit much.

What is the answer? I guess the obvious one is: leave the group. But that is a quite a bold statement that would undoubtedly offend people. I can't very well say "sorry, you lot talk too much drivel so I'm opting out". I already take part minimally in the chat but will comment on things of note (niece passing driving test, nephew's GCSE results, wishing someone good luck at a new job etc) and try to ignore the daily stream of consciousness stuff. I do care about these people and want to know their (genuine) news, but this is too much.

Is this just modern life now? Every club my kids are in each have group chats, as do their school classes, and a hobby I do. All seem to have lots of unnecessary "banter." I enjoy the group chats I have with friends - probably because we are all quite similar and don't bombard each other.

I'm honestly so over having a smartphone and having this expectation put on me that I need to be in constant contact with everyone. Aibu?

Instead of messaging “maybe when I have the time and energy”, just don’t message at all. Update with holiday photos as and when you want, or don’t. The placeholder you sent doesn’t work.

Mute and archive and don’t worry about coming back to 100s of messages. When you go back to work after a holiday do you read every single email or just the latest in the chain?

I’d personally leave WhatsApp altogether and just use texts for people you need to text, and if these weirdos ask just say you’re having a smartphone break. Which is a thing people do!

I don't see how you would be gaining if you follow the advice to mute it then read back over them.
If there are over 100 messages in a 40minute period, then there must be thousands over a week.

Just tell them you have found the sheer number of messages overwhelming, so you are leaving the group.
That way you don't have to waste time scrolling through them, but everyone will know that if they want you to reply to something, they need to message you separately as you won't see the group chatter.
Seems an odd thing to let everyone think you are seeing messages when you aren't.

You should try WhoZis

It’s much cleverer than WhatsApp.

You write a message in here and everyone who’s in the channel can see it. It means you can keep track of conversations better! It has channels! It’s so simple…say you want to talk about, I don’t know…baking. You post it in the ‘cakes’ channel. Then if you’re not interested in baking you just press remove to take you out of it. That way you won’t be bombarded with notifications about cake.

Yup

You can archive chats and just check every few days

Just remember to turn on the notifications! Its in the settings. It's so simple..

gosh. I have COLLEAGUEs who completely ignore emails, or take weeks to answer. They are so very good at that.

I poorly performed in a job interview recently. I reached out to the lead panel member to say I know I won't be hired but if they want to pursue that collaboration opportunity (they mentioned at interview) then please let me know, yet I expect they won't ever reply.

Why are some people so good at ignoring messages they are paid to answer, but then other people can't ignore an inane social feed they could just glance at once a week/month/while.

I actually think it's quite sweet OP's family are so engaged that they post so much to keep in touch. It would be taken as a snub to leave, especially when you can archive instead. I wouldn't post a "I'm only looking here once a week message" because with 100 msgs/day, nobody is going to much register that! Just assume everyone else only glances thru once a week or less, too. MN is the only social media channel I'm on where people post so much (100+ new/day). And I thought I had a big family.

I own the only group WhatsApp I'm member of. We only post functional items on there (volunteer group).

my family just started using an app where everyone shares a photo each day of what they’re up to. Gave us busy folks a really easy / private way to touch base that wasn’t time consuming (plus our kids love seeing their cousins on it) without being overwhelmed by the whatsapp motormouths. It's called wavy, but only on iPhone for now sadly - called Wavy