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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he meant to insult me ?

21 replies

daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:10

If a man said to
You... ' I was only saying to my sister that you're not my usual type '..... would you be offended?
The context was we're discussing about when we first met and how a few months in , how happy he was .

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 06/06/2023 14:12

Nope - lots of people try dating people who aren’t their usual type!

Why be offended? I mean you might have brown hair and he usually goes for blonde? Is that really an issue

Lovingitallnow · 06/06/2023 14:13

Dh is not my usual type. Very kind, sweet, straightforward, straight talking, steady, wonderful human being. It's defo a compliment when I say it.

TeaKitten · 06/06/2023 14:13

Depends on the rest of the story… either he was saying it in a positive way because you are different to his exs, or not. More info needed.

Original poster
daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:15

There a niggle in me , because he has never complemented me in my looks or body or even if I dress up for an occasion, he had never said you look lovely .
I wonder if he doesnt find me very attractive but really likes me.

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 06/06/2023 14:15

I wouldn't see it as an insult automatically. My OH wasn't my usual type - and that's probably why my relationship with him is amazing. I stopped following the same old patterns that led to broken relationships over and over and tried something new and it worked out amazingly and I'm glad I did it as I'm now madly in love and in a long happy relationship.

Sounds like he is having similar feelings and reflections on his previous choices.

Original poster
daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:17

Well the same guy spoke about his ex continuously for first few weeks u til I had to tell him to just stop and he also messaged her to talk when we broke up temporarily, as he felt so broken. His words .

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 06/06/2023 14:17

daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:15

There a niggle in me , because he has never complemented me in my looks or body or even if I dress up for an occasion, he had never said you look lovely .
I wonder if he doesnt find me very attractive but really likes me.

He might not say it explicitly with words but what do his actions show you?

Original poster
daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:19

He enjoys the intimate element.
He is not hugely affectionate but tries .
He refuses to give oral
Sex and isn't as into
Kissing as I am.

OP posts:
AnonKat · 06/06/2023 14:21

My husband's gf before me was thin, tall and conventionally pretty. I'm the opposite, but we have been together 15 years.

I wouldn't say my husband is my type, but I still love and fancy him.

frazzledasarock · 06/06/2023 14:23

If a guy who never complimented me told me he was just saying the other day I’m not his type. Yeah I’d take that as an insult.

actually I wouldn’t be around if he’d been hanging on about his lovely ex to the point I felt I had to tell him to stop. I’d have him talking to himself.

Peachtoiletpaper · 06/06/2023 14:23

I don't think necessarily he meant it as an insult (unless he is a negger elsewhere) but I don't think it needs saying as it makes you feel compared. Maybe it could be said as a compliment as in 'I've usually gone for brunettes but couldn't take my eyes off you from the start'.

If he never compliments you or anything and you're noticing that and feeling hurt then I can understand this might be the icing on the cake. Does he comment on or compliment other people's appearances?

Peachtoiletpaper · 06/06/2023 14:26

Cross post. I don't like the sound of him. Going on about his ex, actually discussing your relationship with his ex, not complimenting you then saying you're not his type and not being very affectionate. I think you can do better

Original poster
daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:32

Yes he comments a lot on tv presenters and celebs

OP posts:
Original poster
daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:32

I think I can do better too

OP posts:
ScientificallyProcessed · 06/06/2023 15:17

Is he unconsciously using you to get over his ex?

SleeplessinScarbourough · 06/06/2023 15:26

I would have dumped him for a lot of the other things but from my experience I hear a lot of male friends and relatives describe their type and then they spend their entire lives dating/marrying/ reproducing with the complete opposite of what they described but if they see their supposed preferred type on TV/ Film they are doing Slick Joe McWolf aka the wolf impressions for all to witness.
I think you should consider ending this relationship.

MasterBeth · 06/06/2023 15:30

daisydaisygivemeananswer · 06/06/2023 14:19

He enjoys the intimate element.
He is not hugely affectionate but tries .
He refuses to give oral
Sex and isn't as into
Kissing as I am.

Mumsnet haiku.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 06/06/2023 15:32

Haven't you posted about this before? Probably under a different name?

CindersAgain · 06/06/2023 15:33

It depends on what he says his usual type is.

If he says he normally goes for [hair colour] and [height] then I wouldn’t worry.

If he says anything like
very attractive
gym body
big boobs

then that’s a problem

DowntonCrabby · 06/06/2023 15:35

With your updates you definitely deserve better Flowers

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 06/06/2023 19:08

I think you deserve better too op.
A guy talking about type is like they are talking about a car or meal choice. The whole being a boobs or a legs man, or preferring blondes or brunettes kind of make my toes curl.

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