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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To keep my nose out of this

8 replies

Bl4h · 06/06/2023 12:09

My sister-in-law's husband confided in me last night that SIL has been depressed for the past 4 years and at times suicidal. I was horrified to hear this. I urged him to contact a doctor and professional assistance and he said he had. He said the cause of it is a family rift between my SIL and her younger sister, which he thinks is a recent event however I've been told by her mother that there has been bad feeling between them from childhood (intense rivalry academically and around image, etc.).

The whole thing is compounded by the fact that their mother stirs the pot between them (favoritism towards the younger sister mostly) and has passed some of her own issues on to both of them (specifically image issues, weight, etc.). To top it all off, they're all incredibly stubborn and won't give in. It's been a mess for years and I purposefully have stayed out of it and neutral on all the issues so far.

I had the feeling that BIL was telling me as he wanted me to try to intervene between SIL and her sister, but I'm reluctant to get involved knowing the complexities. However, I feel so bad for SIL. Am I right to stay out of it, or in the circumstances should I say/do something?

OP posts:
Sissynova · 06/06/2023 12:18

So is this SIL your husband's sibling? If so why doesn't your husband intervene if the dynamic between SIL, her sister and her mother os so bad?

If it is a SIL who married your sibling then I can't see how it is really appropriate for you to get involved at all.

Bl4h · 06/06/2023 12:23

Thanks for your response Sissynova. SIL is my husband's sister. My husband just says "those two (his sisters) are so stubborn there's no talking to them". He worships his mother so I can't convince him that there's any issue there. It's all such a mess.

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 06/06/2023 12:25

Keep well out of it. Deep-seated issues in the family dynamic that go all the way back to their childhoods. You’d be mad to get involved.

EL8888 · 06/06/2023 12:28

MadamWhiteleigh · 06/06/2023 12:25

Keep well out of it. Deep-seated issues in the family dynamic that go all the way back to their childhoods. You’d be mad to get involved.

This. Getting involved has disaster written all over it and may well backfire on you. These issues are clearly deep seated, it’s indicative your husband worships his mother despite her poor parenting and conduct

Bl4h · 06/06/2023 12:42

Thanks all. I thought as much but needed to check. It's true, the dynamic in the family is so complex and so deep-seated that I couldn't possibly resolve it, even with the best of intentions.

OP posts:
DeffoChangingName · 06/06/2023 13:10

You will end up being the shot messenger if you attempt to interfere.

gamerchick · 06/06/2023 13:12

Nope. Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 06/06/2023 13:23

gamerchick · 06/06/2023 13:12

Nope. Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

This 👆

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