Drinking and personal responsibility

[SamanthaCaine]

Just posting for opinions as someone who's tee total and has never drunk.

I was out with friends recently (at one of their houses) and one was clearly not coping very well. She'd not eaten so got pretty drunk, pretty quickly, whilst everyone else was relatively sober.

As a non drinker I often think that it'd be great if people knew when to stop but often people go past the point of no return and it all goes downhill from there. I appreciate that personal responsibility is definitely a factor but is it out of order, when friends can see how drunk someone is getting but continue to ply that person with more and more alcohol? I'm genuinely conflicted as obviously the drunk person could say no but at the same time I see people unable to make rational decisions being put in a position where they have a bottomless glass.

As the non drinker I ended up taking my friend home. She could barely walk and was a complete mess. Perhaps I should've stepped in but the group was large and we weren't all together all of the time. Also I'm not comfortable being the kill joy but perhaps I should?

Was she helping herself to available alcohol, or were friends actually giving it to her? In a party situation where the booze is simply left out, no one is really monitoring how much someone has to drink.

Some people prone to alcohol abuse lack the "off switch" that most people have that tells them when to stop. People like that are better off not drinking at all.

I drink occasionally but know my limits, which aren't very high! The last time I was out with a friend, we ended up trying to get an extremely drunk woman into a taxi, she had wandered from her friends, couldn't remember who or where they were, kept losing her balance and wasn't making much sense at all. She ended up with a male and female police officer who I assume took her home, but it's terrifying to think of a vulnerable woman, no idea what's going on, intent on walking miles home alone, in the middle of the night.

If you’re worried about being seen as a killjoy for pointing out to supposed friends that one of you is definitely over-served and probably needs a cup of tea, this sounds more like a really poor friendship group dynamic. It’s absolutely what we all do for each other in my circles, because everyone knows that sometimes that last drink just hits out of nowhere or you think you’ve had three glasses of wine but actually the glasses have never been allowed to go empty so it’s more like five.

You don’t say that you have to always look after this particular friend so it sounds like just one of those occasions where the personal responsibility circuit shorted. In future, just be a good friend and lightly divert them to a soft.

I like a drink but do know my limits and I’m generally a pretty good drunk - I’ve never fallen over, injured myself, thrown up somewhere inappropriate, got thrown out of anywhere.

I do think that if someone doesn’t know their limit and has gone over the line, their friends do have a responsibility to step in. They certainly shouldn’t be encouraging more drinking and should probably be encouraging the person to call it a night.

Friends shouldn't be plying already drunk friends with more alcohol.

Friends shouldn't stand by and say nothing when other friends do this.

So YANBU to think your friends were in the wrong but you were too.

And yes of course the person most in the wrong was the one who couldn't handle their drink.

You can't really stop someone drinking more than they should, or tell others to stop offering it.

In these kind of situations where I can see one friend getting hammered I get them a full fat coke, water and some crisps.

Personal responsibility. If they can’t handle it they shouldn’t drink.