Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call in sick when I'm not sick?

37 replies

albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:03

DP witnessed a life changing accident in his workplace, it was a colleague, it could have easily been him . He has had zero downtime in the last 2 weeks. His work is in a heavy industry,dangerous and he is in a main role with a lot of responsibility. 12 hour day and night shifts. A lot of additional overtime at the moment due to circumstances.

DP is exhausted, mentally broken and as someone who can struggle with displaying his emotions, it's unlike him to actually vent this out. He has said the accident was one of the most traumatising things he has ever witnessed.

He is so exhausted he can barely drive, hasn't been able to eat for days due to not having a chance at work and simply too exhausted at home. Ive been working and I also work long days, we are used to being ships in the night throughout our relationship.

DP needs a day of being able to rest, of being able to talk, and process. My mind simply cannot settle as I am so concerned about DP, and having been unable to actually spent much time together other then when he comes home and I leave, it worries me that I am still managing to spot the signs of severe burnout from him. He is someone who never complains, is usually very robust and the type of person who simply keeps going until he drops.

AIBU to call in sick? My work is short staffed, and although I am usually a reliable person with a good sickness record I cannot help but feel guilty. Will the think I'm taking the piss?

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 06/06/2023 01:05

Do you have compassionate leave at work? That would seem to be the best option. Really sorry you’re both going through this.

Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:10

GwinCoch · 06/06/2023 01:05

Do you have compassionate leave at work? That would seem to be the best option. Really sorry you’re both going through this.

Thank you. Yes but usually only given for a death in my exprience. It's unpaid. I can cope with working thr rest of the week but I feel I need to be at home tomorrow when DP comes back, and that way he can go to bed, I can deal with cooking and dog walking, and with having me to actually speak to properly it might help, even just a little.

DP is ex-forced and suspected ADHD. Seeing him vulnerable is almost foreign and I'm struggling.

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 06/06/2023 01:12

Can you not ask for annual leave?

BubblyBunchOfCoconuts · 06/06/2023 01:13

I would absolutely take off.
You are absolutely needed at home with him❤️

Newjobformoremoney · 06/06/2023 01:14

Going against the grain here, it sounds like you’re mentally exhausted and need a day off to work on your mental health, which is as important as your physical health

Rather take a day now and work together with your husband to get him on track than head towards a mental breakdown (this goes for both of you).

Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:14

SweetSakura · 06/06/2023 01:12

Can you not ask for annual leave?

I can ask, I have plenty of allowance left. I'm mainly worried about the reasoning behind it and what they will sat. I'm due in at 8am. My workplace isn't always the most supportive sadly.

OP posts:
Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:14

@BubblyBunchOfCoconuts thank you ❤

OP posts:
Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:16

Newjobformoremoney · 06/06/2023 01:14

Going against the grain here, it sounds like you’re mentally exhausted and need a day off to work on your mental health, which is as important as your physical health

Rather take a day now and work together with your husband to get him on track than head towards a mental breakdown (this goes for both of you).

No I think there is definitely some truth in there, I'm feeling pretty mentally drained myself, and since this accident I've been extremely worried about DPs job in general. It is a dangerous sector.

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 06/06/2023 01:16

albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:10

Thank you. Yes but usually only given for a death in my exprience. It's unpaid. I can cope with working thr rest of the week but I feel I need to be at home tomorrow when DP comes back, and that way he can go to bed, I can deal with cooking and dog walking, and with having me to actually speak to properly it might help, even just a little.

DP is ex-forced and suspected ADHD. Seeing him vulnerable is almost foreign and I'm struggling.

Show quote history

That sounds so rough. I would call early and ask if compassionate is an option and, if not, then ask what the alternatives are because you can’t be in work that day. Be it holiday, emergency leave or whatever. If you’ve got an exemplary record I can’t see why they would not want to help. I would be as honest with them as you can be. Lots of love to you both, I used to date someone who is ex forces and he struggles so much with emotions having being taught he couldn’t do his job and have a heart. It was terrible to bring him back to life. Xx

CC4712 · 06/06/2023 01:18

I thought this was going to be about you DH taking the day off after the horrific day he had.

I'm not sure whether this would come under un-paid carers leave or whether I'd just take last minute A/L. Either way- you need to be there to support your DH. He will remember this in 3, 6, 12mths- but work won't recall you had a day off! I hope he is able to get some mental health support for what he saw ❤

Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:19

DP was also part of the rescue team due to the location of the accident and confined space. Paramedics and fire service unable to access it. An area he could very easily have been in himself. It's frightened me.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 06/06/2023 01:21

You absolutely need to be off work for both your sakes. Can you get carers leave?
I'd just explain the gravity of the situation and that you absolutely need to be with your husband. Nobody is irreplaceable please be kind to yourself.
I do hope things improve it sounds awful for you both. X

Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:23

@GwinCoch Thank you. I'm hoping given my long service and reliability, they will surely let this slide. They aren't always the most supportive to staff but I absolutely won't be able to do my job tomorrow, one which is physically and emotionally demanding (in a health care setting).

There definitely is an issue with how the forces expect people to silence all emotion. It's unhealthy and DP had a rough upbringing, became successful and has never really had the opportunity to just...breathe.

OP posts:
Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:24

CC4712 · 06/06/2023 01:18

I thought this was going to be about you DH taking the day off after the horrific day he had.

I'm not sure whether this would come under un-paid carers leave or whether I'd just take last minute A/L. Either way- you need to be there to support your DH. He will remember this in 3, 6, 12mths- but work won't recall you had a day off! I hope he is able to get some mental health support for what he saw ❤

Putting it like that makes me realise yes, one day off is nothing in comparison. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:26

Thedogscollar · 06/06/2023 01:21

You absolutely need to be off work for both your sakes. Can you get carers leave?
I'd just explain the gravity of the situation and that you absolutely need to be with your husband. Nobody is irreplaceable please be kind to yourself.
I do hope things improve it sounds awful for you both. X

I'm not sure I will ask tomorrow, I work in a health care setting but sadly not the most supportive of employer at times towards other staffs absence.

We generally have a good life, good relationship and crack on but this is...too much.

OP posts:
Quitelikeacatslife · 06/06/2023 01:30

He might have PTSD , you will have to keep close eye on him. Hopefully he has support he can access at work

Thedogscollar · 06/06/2023 01:32

If you are NHS so am I and I have known colleagues have carers leave. Forget about the management not being supportive that's tough but you and your husband come first.
Take care of him tomorrow and forget about work.

GwinCoch · 06/06/2023 01:33

albapunk · 06/06/2023 01:23

@GwinCoch Thank you. I'm hoping given my long service and reliability, they will surely let this slide. They aren't always the most supportive to staff but I absolutely won't be able to do my job tomorrow, one which is physically and emotionally demanding (in a health care setting).

There definitely is an issue with how the forces expect people to silence all emotion. It's unhealthy and DP had a rough upbringing, became successful and has never really had the opportunity to just...breathe.

You’re an amazingly supportive partner. You are genuinely brilliant. I really hope that your employer is equally brilliant with you, I just think you need to bring all to bear. It’s only a day. I used to work on healthcare too, I know that situation so exactly. But right now you both need a day (at least) to decompress and start to come to terms. Xxx

GwinCoch · 06/06/2023 01:34

In not on healthcare!

ErmentrudeTheCow · 06/06/2023 01:52

You sound stressed and exhausted, just phone in sick and take the time to focus on your husband.
But as I'm sure you know, one day spent with him is not going to fix PTSD. It's only the start but he needs professional help.

Does he have occupational health through his work? He needs to let his work know how badly he's affected by what he experienced at work so they can arrange help for him. Or encourage him to go to the GP for support. PTSD can grow arms and legs if its not addressed and can start to affect the nice life you have together.
You sound lovely and caring so please help him to seek support

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 06/06/2023 02:35

I'd be tempted to phone in with d&v (not something I have ever done I will add) as it's a health setting they can't have you work and you won't be asking for annual leave which they may reject anyway.

mosiacmaker · 06/06/2023 02:42

Just call in sick. You have food poisoning, you have the flu/covid….no need to over explain anything or ask for compassionate leave etc - people get sick!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/06/2023 03:13

Whatever you say to your work i wouldn't be attending work.

Personally, id use what ever reason you think they'd accept... (normally I'm against telling porkies... But if your employers are hopeless usually...) whether that's emergency carers leave, compassionate leave, or a nice dose of political d&v which will give you longer than a few days.

Your partner absolutely needs to take time off work... It is madness attending when he's si vulnerable in what sounds a dangerous occupation. He's a risk to himself and his team.

Hr needs r & r, and I'd also also speak to his GP urgently to see if there's any support in the immediate term.

Does hus work have any occupational counselling? Some places do this as a matter of course. Sometimes it's just a case of a few sessions to normalise what he's experienced.

Good luck!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/06/2023 03:14

PS if he contacts his GP today... This also creates an audit trail which he may need.

Thatsridiculous · 06/06/2023 03:17

You are not being unreasonable.

Honestly? I would say you’ve got a sickness bug and take the rest of the week off. If your work aren’t supportive, then why stress about it.