To be overwhelmed

[Mourningmorning]

I’m at the stage of everything getting on top of me. Last term, I had an incredibly stressful time in my job and I don’t feel I’ve fully recovered from the stress of it.

Here are some things that are upsetting me:

•I work in a school with poor communication and untrustworthy management. I know I’m not just being negative because prior to this job, I worked in a school that was the opposite and it’s so hard to know that it could be good if people did their jobs properly.

•My sister has randomly cut our parents out of her life which has caused a lot of pain and confusion. If I ask her about it she will cut me out but it’s very saddening for everyone.

•My step son and his mother are incredibly toxic and despite my best efforts are still impacting mine and DH’s lives negatively.

•I gave up sugar and junk food 2 months ago and have been focussing on eating healthily and drinking lots of water but am still so fat.

•My libido vanished 2 years ago when I was on Sertraline and even though I came off it a year ago, it’s still gone.

•The Dr said I have the beginnings of fatty liver.

•I’m struggling with my ageing face.

•People take from me.

•I miss my grandparents who died last year. They saw the good in me and were genuinely pleased for me when things went well.

•I have no agency in my workplace. My boss has meetings about children in my class without my involvement.

• My husband’s family lack warmth. I feel alone in the world with little joy.

Aibu to be overwhelmed or is this just me being a snowflake?

I just want to feel happy.

Hi OP. I am sorry that I have no advice, but I just want to say you sound like a lovely, kind hearted person. Try to focus on small things that bring you happiness, even if it’s just having a cup of tea outside or enjoying a really hot shower. Also thank you for your work in teaching, it takes real skill which is sadly undervalued, but is so important for our children 💐

Thank you for being kind 💕

That sounds exhausting

Counselling might help. I realise it's scarce and expensive but some organisations do means tested sessions

If that's too much expense take yourself away just you to somewhere in the UK you've always wanted to go and just breathe for a bit

That sounds like a lot to deal with. Your boss and the workplace sound awful and thats something you're exposed to every day so it will have a big impact. Can you look for another job?
One thing that stood out for me is your sister cutting out your parents. Its unusual for people to do that without a good reason, so instead of asking her why she did it, have you asked her if she is ok?

This post just serves as a reminder we have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors or what people are dealing with. You sound lovely, big hugs to you. It’s hard when things get overwhelming. Life can be so tough x

Hi @Mourningmorning it sounds like you have so much on your plate. If you think that counselling might help, Education Support Partnership offer free support. I think its telephone and online based.

Thank you. I have been receiving psychotherapy for years and it helps me to navigate life and relationships.

I just find full-time working quite all consuming and now that I feel I’m not with particularly trustworthy or kind leaders, it’s become harder. They have recently treated two of my colleagues badly, blindsiding talented teachers in the cruellest of ways. I’ve helped these teachers use their unions and they have been successful in their fights but it’s sad to see poor management leading to highly stressful situations for teachers who are already very stressed in their roles. It’s made me realise how vulnerable we are to managers knocking our confidence, even if we are good at our jobs. These managers haven’t set foot in classrooms as teachers for decades. It’s all just so unkind and unnecessary.

I don’t have the internal resources to seek new employment because I’m on a low ebb. A new teaching job is an exhausting prospect right now.

Externally things are better in my life than they have been previously, I’ve just hit a bit of a bump in the road. It will be over soon and things will improve, they always do.

My sister is very resentful and bitter about our childhood because our mother left when we were young due to mental health issues and our dad (I think undiagnosed ADHD) wasn’t perfect but he did his best and was there for us.

He’s very much a reformed character to be honest and now my sister and I are in our forties I enjoy a good relationship with our parents and my sister is very cutting and harsh towards them, constantly going back in to the past and telling them what they got wrong. She can be absolutely brutal and filled with rage one minute and then ridiculously generous and helpful the next.

Her moods are very unpredictable and in order to have a relationship with her it feels as though you have to walk on eggshells and agree with absolutely everything, even outright lies about things that have happened.

This challenges the authenticity of our relationship and compromises any genuine closeness we might have had. I get it, she’s in pain, she’s running away from her own issues and is in persistent blame mode to avoid confronting these. I feel for her enormously. I feel for everyone but just so wish my life was simpler.

I feel like I need to go abroad for 4 weeks and just unplug from social media and re-calibrate, re-connect with myself.

I can’t believe how fat I am. It’s really crept up on me and I hate how clothes look on me. I particularly struggle with how all social occasions revolve around sugar and fat and photographs being posted on social media.

I think I’m going to start biking to work each day to try and crow bar some nature and self care in to my working week.

Thank you for being kind. It helps to write it all down.

OP, some of these are in your control, and some are not. You are in control of your own and you are eating good food, cut out sugar and drinking water, it's just a matter of time and patience (this will most like solve your fatty liver too, and the way your face looks). Your sister going NC for whatever reasons, your step DC and DH's family are not in your control.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to focus on what you can actually control. Unmumsnetty hug

You say you are in your forties - I don’t know if you’ve considered the role hormones play in all this? I think midlife is really bloody difficult and I still have family stress, work stress and ageing to cope with but HRT has made a huge difference to the feeling of being overwhelmed.
It also really sounds like you need to find a new job but can appreciate that feels like a big deal.
The changes you’ve made will benefit your health and your wellbeing but it’s just frustratingly slow!

Not really. I know it was hard. I know there were some bits that were hard for all of us but we were always loved and the difficulties were beyond our parents’ control. Do you suggest that cutting people out and holding people to stuff that happened/ didn’t happen 35 years ago is the path to happiness?

My sister has made her choice and that’s fine but she’s not a happy or stable person, she’s racked with anxiety and intense black and white thinking. Often making up narratives and living in victim- mode.

Out parents have done many many kind things over the years to demonstrate that they are sorry and to build bridges.

Thank you, you’re right.
I went for peri blood tests but they said everything was fine.
I’m sure it’s not.

With respect I think you might be talking about your situation. I think mine is rather different.

I think you’re imagining that our mother wanted to leave. She didn’t. Mental health support was bad in the seventies and as for support and belonging as a single parent father working full time with no government support- that was also non-existent.

Our parents loved us, they gave us a lot. Our father saw his commitments as a parent through and still does even though we are adults and he is exhausted from working his.L fingers to the bone well in to his seventies.

I think he and our mother can be spared some forgiveness for doing their best on very difficult circumstances.

I also think my sister has a right to cut out who she likes and process our upbringing as she chooses. I do feel for her. She has a lot of trauma.

My OP was about how I feel. It saddens me. It’s okay for me to look around and feel despairing, disappointed, sad, exhausted by the picture that is my life at the moment.

As I said I have been receiving counselling for many years. I’m well aware of it’s impact. I just dont see the point in becoming bitter and hateful.