To be scared of running alone

[Allyoli]

I'm training for a half marathon. Even though it's very nice, I'm getting a bit bored of doing 5k laps of my local park. Ideally I'd run along a beautiful, but fairly isolated river path near where I live, and through a wildlife reserve. Not a lot of people use the path, maybe an odd cyclist or dog walker, and once you're on it, there's nowhere to exit until you're at the end. It takes maybe 20-30 minutes to run along.

But I don't feel safe running alone there. Am I being overly anxious? I'm struggling to find long running routes that don't involve isolated areas, and sticking to streets and busy main roads takes a lot of the enjoyment out of running for me. Tbh I'm sick of having to miss out on outdoorsy things I want to do alone (hiking, birdwatching, running) because of the risk of being attacked as a lone woman. How do you plan safe, long distance running routes?

We run very early when it’s still very dark. I only run bright streets if alone. I usually run with hubby or a running group. They’re faster than me too, think ever Is 🤣 but they are always in sight and will stop every now and then for pics so I can catch up lol. They’re super supportive so I’d rather feel slow but know I’m safer with them.

If you are personally worried then don't do it. We normally know what is or isn't safe.

I'm not so fussed about isolation in the mornings. For me it's not the odds of a lone rapist, it's the groups of off-their-heads teens and 20-somethings who hang about on the canal/at the country park/on picnic benches after dusk. Every couple of years someone gets beaten up for their phone/wallet or just chased because they think it's funny.

Do you have a Garmin (or similar)
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It can be really hard to get a longer distance route or path that you are comfortable with. I try run a 10k 3 times per week. Personally I much prefer to run in daylight, and ideally I'd like to run from home (not drive to a place, park, run, then drive home). While living back in my home area I could not really do that. The roads were not really suitable, risk of careless traffic on narrow roads, dogs off leash, etc. Plus a few weirdos.

It's a good suggestion to run with a group, that would be perfect, but it can be hard to find a running buddy that is at a similar level, and is available at similar times. I made some running friends through a (not so local) athletics club.

I run in isolated areas, sometimes with my heart in my throat but I think it’s important t to not let the fear of something minimise our lives.

I understand your fears, but I think you also need to not let them limit your life. I run in isolated areas every day. I go at 5.30am, with my little terrier. He won't be able to do much apart from bark (and he may not even do that) but I always carry rape spray where I can grab it easily, I don't have earphones in so I am aware of noises etc, I always have my phone, and I regularly run through my head what I will do if something does happen. Daylight running is safer feeling, but in the winter I have to run in the dark so I ut my brave pants on and refuse to live my life around the possibility that I may be attacked.

I don't think you're BU if you don't feel comfortable and won't enjoy an isolated run, but I've always run anywhere at any time of day or night and not had any problems. My main safety rule was not to have a predictable routine for doing isolated routes, so people couldn't notice me and lie in wait. I also used to run to get to places if I needed to fit in some training, and actually felt more unsafe running through slightly unsavoury parts of town in the evenings. But I would remind myself that a potential attacker would (a) not know I was coming, so would have to make a snap decision to chase me, (b) have to be quite fast as I'd probably have gone past by the time he'd decided to attack me.

I reckon though that your DP could run with you more. I used to be quite a good runner (don't train much now), and there are actually massive benefits to doing higher volumes of training at a really easy pace. Great for endurance, lower injury risk. He might need to do some faster sessions, but he probably doesn't 'need' to train faster than you all the time, and if it's a really easy pace for him, he can just treat it as low-impact extra miles.

I’m the same, take the dog out down a network of river paths, field edges and woods in a morning. I see pretty much the same people every day - a mix of dog walkers, cyclists on the way to work, secondary school pupils heading for the nearby schools and people just out to see the birds and animals.
Later in the day the exact same paths have a different set of people on them, 99% harmless but the odd incidence of flashing, off road motorbike riding etc over the years, so I avoid it at that time.
I worry more about DH out in an evening with his camera photographing wildlife than I do about me first thing in a morning doing 6 miles along and by the river!

But you feel how you feel, OP, so trying to find a Run Buddy is a good idea, or checking out a route at different times of day and seeing if the people there change.
I decided years ago that the threat of male violence wasn’t going to keep me in the same boring park. In fact, the local parks have higher incidences of antisocial and threatening behaviour than the routes I take. Twats are basically lazy, don’t get up as early as me and probably cba to walk as far from their homes as I do, that’s how I rationalise the fear away I have had moments of unease so I make sure I act on them if necessary and know any exit routes to the nearest housing estate etc.

You should do it but I understand. There is something about women running that gets all the wankers out. It's all right by them if women are just tottering along the road but there is something about a woman exercising that really fucks those wankers off.

Even worse if it's a 13-year-old on a school cross country in a skimpy gym skirt.

My husband thought I was making it up when I said I didn't want to go out running alone at any time, day or night, busy or lonely. Actually, fucking forget lonely.

I'm not a great runner but do it because I know it is good for me in terms of cardio-vascular health and a toned arse. I don't enjoy it. Running is a chore like eating broccoli, but I know it is good for me and I know it will end.

But always go running with my husband. He thought that I was just backsliding when I refused to go alone. That's the would-be PE teacher in him. He considered it as a career in his teens. He's not like Brian Glover in Kes, but there is a certain thing that marks out PE teachers from the rest of us normal folk that for the good of our relationship I don't want to explore with him. I swear my husband hears the theme from Rocky in his head when he is out there pounding the pavements.

Anyway, one day we were running along a main road. He stopped to tie his shoe lace and told me to go on ahead. Within moments four wankers in a car shouted the most disgusting abuse at me. I have no idea why anyone would want to say such things, but they did.

My husband tied his lace, caught up with them at the lights and hammered on their van at which point they said: "Sorry, mate! Didn't realise she was with you." Then the lights changed and they vroomed off.

My husband is not a large and scary man and four against one are bad odds. But they were just wankers who'd been caught out and wanted to get out of there asap.

We never discussed how terrifying some men can be on even on a sunny Sunday morning. He now accepts that I would prefer not to exercise alone just like I don't want to sit in a train carriage alone.

Don't get me started on inadequate wankers who can't cope with women who can swim better than them. I'm a good swimmer; miles better than my husband. Some men don't like it.

I bet they wank in the pool so I can swallow it.

You're not being anxious at all, I feel the same since Sarah Everard and an attack that happened to a lone woman by an unknown man in my town. Unfortunately these attacks can and do happen, more frequently than we think.
When I ran with my boyfriend a few months ago he noticed men staring who'd look off when he looked at them, when I run on my own I've been heckled by men. It's honestly put me off running recently, not worth it

I spent hours by myself today in isolated countryside.
Predators go to where the prey is. Shopping malls are good, or pubs at kicking out time. Remote countryside : they could hang around all day getting bitten by random bugs, freezing, bored, nothing to do, no decent toilets or anywhere to buy a pack or fags & not have a single opportunity of someone to crime on.

Criminals are mostly thick as pigmuck but they do look for vulnerability, they assess their chances of success or try to go where the opportunity is most likely to present itself. An adult (less gullible than a child) woman running (not physically weak) is likely to have muscular strength to fight back with, so more of a risk to crime on, can possibly run quicker than the criminal can. So not the most vulnerable option to choose. To the extent our average pigshit-thick criminal will assess their chances before striking, this isn't the picture of a good chance.

So... waiting in the rural remote bushes = likely lack of opportunity, and if the only opportunity is a strong looking person, there's a fair chance the wannabe-Perp will wish they just hung out in the busy city centre at midnight instead, where lots of opportunities should present themselves.

We all get that, don't we @lljkk? We're not idiots. Most of us understand the principles of reward and return.

As you rightly point out, there is less chance of reward for a sex attacker in lurking in a gloriously deserted place like the spot where you like to run or even in an alley late at night in an urban area which is where I live and often walk home from the station at 11.30pm.

That would take days, wouldn't it? But when it happens, it it still shocking, isn't it?

One night I was walking home from a mainline station to my house 10 minutes away. I cut to the side street and a man following me tried to grab me. I was one minute from my home and screamed blue murder. He ran off. It's never stopped me going out along late at night but I always walk the slightly longer way round.

It's much easier as a predator to go where prey is going to be. We all know that, but if you feel the need to scoff at other women then knock yourself out.

I took the the OP as saying that there is something peculiar and disturbing about some men intimidating women who exercise in urban environments like running on roads or swimming in public pools.

I've experienced it lots of times. I guess you might have.

It wouldn't put me off exercising but does make me think about my safety.

There is definitely something that makes some men very angry about women exercising in a public. Have you not noticed it?

I do run anywhere alone in very rural locations both on road and off road. But you're probably right to be nervous. I just love it too much to give it up.

My friend was hill walking in a beautiful spot quite remote with another woman. Way ahead was a solo male hiker, they remarked on though being in a remote area has risks for anyone because of accidents the real reason not to be there alone as a woman is the fear of attack. It’s a very sad fact of life.

Do you have any running clubs? They might do more interesting routes to your usual. I'm the same though, there are lots of beautiful but rural routes here, I have been alone before but don't enjoy it so only go now with DH or friend(s). I am military as well so on paper I suppose perhaps shouldn't be worried about stuff like this, but at the end of the day as a woman I am.

There is definitely something that makes some men very angry about women exercising in a public. Have you not noticed it?

I have never perceived a reaction of anger from me exercising in public from anyone. That is my experience. I cycle, walk, run & kayak outdoors, at least one of those daily, more likely multiple spells. Everyone is friendly except a very few pedestrians who don't like me on pavement (always male so far, I suppose that's true) & random motorists who don't like a 5 second delay from having to wait to overtake cyclists. The pedestrians are the only aggressive people.

last 2 times a pedestrian complained, I couldn't exit the pavement earlier because a car was parked across the dropped pavement where I wanted to get off pavement. If I got off to walk the bike past the car & pedestrian, I would sharply reduce the available pavement for the pedestrian to be on. But they weren't angry at the car or absent car driver. They don't see fault in the car driver who blocked a carpark exit .

I feel similar I've been running for 3 years now and felt ok until last year where locally a lady was raped on a fairly busy cycle path in the middle of the day on a Saturday. I do so many things to try to keep safe, which I hate that I feel I have to do but I don't want to take any risks. I use Strava and use the beacon facility so my husband can see where I am as I'm running. I also let him know when I'm leaving the house and a rough idea of the route I'll be taking and how long I'll be. I generally run along main roads if I'm on my own as it's more public. If not main roads I feel safe in isolated places as in my mind it's not really the place for an opportunist as they would need some sort of footfall. So I run through fields. I always have ID on me too as horrible as it sounds I would wanted someone to be able to identify me. I also say hello to every single person I see in the hope that if I went missing someone would remember seeing me.

yadnbu to be angry about it - it's not fair that this has to be a consideration for women when it's not for men.

But it's up to you whether you let it stop you or not, and neither decision is 'wrong.' Realistically the chance of being attacked (articularly somewhere very low traffic like you describe) is very very low, and you can take action to mitigate it (not wear in ear headphones (I use aftershokz), tell someone where you're going, take rape alarm, go in daylight, plot your route etc.

Is there anywhere else you can try as an interim measure? The fact that there's only one way in/out would put me off that route a bit, is there not somewhere more like a park/beach/whatever that's slightly more populated with more escape routes, even if you have to drive to get there?

Any running groups for women or similar that you can use? There's loads of things on fb in my local area, even just groups that aren't local based just for women living in a local area - if you put a post on saying 'anyone fancy a running/hiking buddy'?

There is definitely something that makes some men very angry about women exercising in a public. Have you not noticed it?

What??? I have not noticed this at all.

I’ve found that sadly other people (men) react to me based on what I look like. When I’m fitter and slimmer they are friendly. When I’m struggling or have put weight on due to being injured or something they start being awful. That’s really unsettling in itself.

I read something that most attacks are from someone you know. Statistically you’re more likely to be attacked in your home. Most attacks happen in cities because predators typically don’t hike their way out into the countryside and wait. They attack closer to home because most aren’t mentally well enough to do that planning / thinking. Not all of course and there will sadly always be a risk but far less than we think.

Has anyone read Rachel Hewitt ‘in her nature’ ? All about women exercising in public. Really good!

I think this is 100% true. I am quite slim and run quite fast, and I never have any problems, but I know plenty of less sporty-looking women who do get abuse shouted at them when running. Not so much in the area I live in now, but when I lived in cities. I think a certain type of man just enjoys picking on women they perceive to already be vulnerable.

That's interesting. My husband, I apologise for bringing up the Mumsnet "my hubby says" trope, but it is relevant, used to encourage me while running with "chase him/her down!"; "own him!", "do it!".

I had to ask him to stop doing that. It wasn't motivational; it was in fact, making me hate him as a bully and engendered an entirely negative and aggressive approach to my core goal from exercise which was making my arse look nice. Improved cardio-vascular health was an invisible bonus.

My hubby is a really nice man with endless patience, especially for weakling lardarses like me hoping to get a bit fitter and lift their saggy arse from the back of our knees But he did used to swallow all that drill sergeant shit.

There's a lot of macho aggression around fitness and feelings of conquest and defeat.

That means lots of people, usually men, feel threatened and angry at the sight of a woman exercising whether they are doing it or not. It gets worse if you have the temerity to actually overtake them. I do that in the pool - I am a very good swimmer - most people are not.

To the women who say they have never encountered that in all their years of running, cycling, kayaking and even tiddlywinks I say: "You are lucky."

It happens. It should never put you off doing what you want but it doesn't hurt to acknowledge it and wish it didn't.

@limitedperiodonly as I said above, I've had very little abusive heckling from randomers as a 'serious' looking woman runner, but I have had lots of competitive attitudes from men as you describe. The weirdest was one man saw me running along while he was stopped (maybe hadn't started yet, dunno) and he said in a totally conversational tone, as though we already knew each other: 'you go on ahead, I'll catch up with you later'. He never did. The funniest was a whole football team of 12-year-olds trying to outrun me (they couldn't - they were more built for sprinting, not distance!). Normally it's quite good-natured, but it's still sexist (can't be beaten by a woman).

@ZacharinaQuack unless it's the Olympics 100m final, it's not a competition, is it? But lots of people believe it is. Mostly men, but women buy into it too. The mature thing is to say we have our own goals and literally jog on.
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