Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report this to the police or mind my own business?

30 replies

GoneSeaFishing · 05/06/2023 19:57

Early hours of the morning today lots of shouting and screaming coming from next door, there are also a series of loud bangs. The female runs out of the house the male chases after her swearing. The male returns 15 minutes later alone.
Roughly half an hour later the female returns with a group of friends and they confront the male, they were accusing him of hitting her and threatening her with a knife. It got physical, it was loud and went on for roughly 45 minutes. Myself, their other next door neighbour and the house opposite all have ring doorbells.

I think I should report it and I want to but last time I reported him assaulting her he came to my door being verbally abusive and pushed me over, I am home alone with small children. Reporting anonymously doesn’t help as he has done similar when someone else reported an incident between them that I wasn’t even home for. So pretty much I know the moral thing to do is report but I am selfishly worried about mine and my children’s safety, what would you do?

OP posts:
DahliasEverywhere · 05/06/2023 20:03

I think if you were going to report it you should have done it when it was happening, ie dial 999. It’s a bit late to report it now as there is no immediate danger and potentially could cause you a problem. If the woman wants to report it after the event that’s up to her. That said, if she reports it and the police ask for the ring doorbell footage then hand it over.

Elysiaxo · 05/06/2023 20:05

last time I reported him assaulting her he came to my door being verbally abusive and pushed me over, I am home alone with small children.

I wouldn't report if I were you. Not your circus not your monkeys.

Redglitter · 05/06/2023 20:09

Scenarios like this drive me nuts at work. PLEASE for goodness sake phone at the time it's happening. Phone and say you don't want to leave your name but don't wait almost 24 hours to report it.

TheShellBeach · 05/06/2023 20:18

Wow. You should have reported this while it was happening!
Poor woman.

Museya15 · 05/06/2023 20:28

My neighbour kicked his partner and her mum down the stairs, then punched and kicked them both until the mother was unconscious, I rang the police as the screams were unbearable.

Original poster
GoneSeaFishing · 05/06/2023 20:34

Maybe I should have reported it while it was happening but there is a full street of houses that could also of reported it. I didn’t report it as I was worried for mine and my children’s safety after previous incidents. I would imagine that that is also why none of the other 15+ houses in the street reported it at the time.
Saying that I do have a conscience and now feel terrible for not reporting it and wanted to know if it was still worth ringing 101 and offering the full recording as evidence.

OP posts:
Worryaboutwork · 05/06/2023 20:39

GoneSeaFishing · 05/06/2023 20:34

Maybe I should have reported it while it was happening but there is a full street of houses that could also of reported it. I didn’t report it as I was worried for mine and my children’s safety after previous incidents. I would imagine that that is also why none of the other 15+ houses in the street reported it at the time.
Saying that I do have a conscience and now feel terrible for not reporting it and wanted to know if it was still worth ringing 101 and offering the full recording as evidence.

I would. I would also explain to the police your concerns about reporting as they can redact the file and approach any investigation sensitively so you're unidentifiable. What you don't want, is for the day the lady finally has courage to leave/report him come and it be his word against hers or for something really sinister to happen and then you wish you'd said something sooner. Xx

MaxwellCat · 05/06/2023 20:41

I wouldn't report..

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 20:43

So all other 15+ houses are probably thinking 'someone else will report, I don't have to'.
I understand that you are in fear of harm coming to you or DC, I really do. Can you let your neighbour know that you have recordings and will happily talk to police if she wants to go ahead with a prosecution? You'd like to think one of her friends either reported it or tried to encourage her to report it yourself but not everyone in abusive relationships are ready for this, for many reasons a lot of us may not understand.
I'd personally start keeping logs of all incidents, making sure you have copies of any and all video and audio recordings in case they are needed in the future. And maybe phone the police at the time of the incident if (when) it happens again

Evaka · 05/06/2023 20:51

It's positive that she came back with friends to confront him. Suggests she's not protecting him and she had people backing her, and hopefully somewhere to go if she needs to. Sorry for you OP. Easy to say report it if you're not stuck living next to the scumbag x

LeefPeeper · 05/06/2023 21:00

GoneSeaFishing · 05/06/2023 20:34

Maybe I should have reported it while it was happening but there is a full street of houses that could also of reported it. I didn’t report it as I was worried for mine and my children’s safety after previous incidents. I would imagine that that is also why none of the other 15+ houses in the street reported it at the time.
Saying that I do have a conscience and now feel terrible for not reporting it and wanted to know if it was still worth ringing 101 and offering the full recording as evidence.

If it starts kicking off again in the future, ring and say you were driving past and saw it. Don’t say you are a neighbour

SuperbSummer2023 · 05/06/2023 21:02

Elysiaxo · 05/06/2023 20:05

last time I reported him assaulting her he came to my door being verbally abusive and pushed me over, I am home alone with small children.

I wouldn't report if I were you. Not your circus not your monkeys.

@Elysiaxo

would you want your neighbours to ignore it??

SuperbSummer2023 · 05/06/2023 21:03

@GoneSeaFishing I'd call the police and explain the situation. I'd just be careful of who you open the door to.

Opplesandbononos · 05/06/2023 21:06

Report it at the time

FlissyPaps · 05/06/2023 21:08

When it happens again, which it will, please report it asap to 999.

Keep a diary of the incidents that you hear/witness. Save all ring doorbell footage.

ODFODeary · 05/06/2023 21:10

Evaka · 05/06/2023 20:51

It's positive that she came back with friends to confront him. Suggests she's not protecting him and she had people backing her, and hopefully somewhere to go if she needs to. Sorry for you OP. Easy to say report it if you're not stuck living next to the scumbag x

This

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/06/2023 21:11

Do they have children?

If they don't then I wouldn't as clearly they keep going back to each other and are going to intimidate anyone who gets involved. They're grown adults if they want this ridiculous relationship to go on that's up to them.

However no child should ever have to live through anything like that so report to social services and police if they have children.

Original poster
GoneSeaFishing · 05/06/2023 21:14

Yes there is a child aged 5/6 in the property, I am not sure where they were during this incident as I did not see or hear them. I know they have had social services involvement previously as I have reported them and i know of a few other reports from neighbours. The situation is very very sad.

OP posts:
Kinneddar · 05/06/2023 21:56

Tbh if you were too scared to report it at the time reporting it now is pointless. If you reported it when it was happening & the police had attended they could have dealt with it as they found it

After this length of time you're going to have to get more involved and speak to them, give a statement etc

The whole 'someone else could have reported it' way of thinking is absolutely depressing.

Let's hope you don't have the police knocking your door in the future because your neighbour has been murdered

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/06/2023 22:00

Thats horrific that children have to grow up in that environment:(

GwinCoch · 05/06/2023 22:07

Worryaboutwork · 05/06/2023 20:39

I would. I would also explain to the police your concerns about reporting as they can redact the file and approach any investigation sensitively so you're unidentifiable. What you don't want, is for the day the lady finally has courage to leave/report him come and it be his word against hers or for something really sinister to happen and then you wish you'd said something sooner. Xx

Show quote history

Yes absolutely this, if you explain to the police your previous interactions (for want of a better word) with him and why you and your family also need to be protected then they will ensure that happens. Even worse that there’s a kid there too. Please don’t leave it to others to report, the bystander effect is such a sad indictment on how we manage to turn a blind eye. Please call and share the recording. Sending you all the good vibes because I totally appreciate what a horrible and scary situation this is.

Meesechelt · 05/06/2023 22:43

I haven’t read all responses. I would just like to add something however… I if I were you would have completely felt the same and scared to call for fear of it harming me however I’m sat here wishing and pleading in prayers that my neighbours would just call the police. I hear the cars outside and I hopefully think oh this will stop it. Obviously it’s all calm here again “ for now” but I don’t have mates like your neighbour to bring round to back me up so what I’m saying is that all cases are different but as someone who is in a volatile situation right now I’d give anything for someone to ring the police

FrogOfFrogHall · 05/06/2023 22:59

Meesechelt - I'm sorry for what you're going through. Look at your local police force website, they will probably have an online form you can fill in to report and you should be able to state how you want them to make contact. Wishing you all the best

justgettingthroughtheday · 05/06/2023 23:32

@Meesechelt are you ok? Are you safe?

Please please take steps to leave as soon as you can. You deserve so much better.

Meesechelt · 05/06/2023 23:32

The bank you I have looked at that . The thing is and I’ll try and use an example from what happened to me with my husband back over 8 years ago. We had a massive massive row he was very violent but I was vocal and I threw something ( I’m ashamed about that) he kicked and punched etc and I called police of my redundant landlline secretly and left it in background. When police showed my husband said in his composed manner oh sorry officers the neighbours must have just been concerned with our arguing . The police then said nope it was your house that called the police. This changed it for me for the rest of everything with him . He would have been able to just try and talk himself into how it was normal for police if neighbours but when he knew it was me I had to promise if never do it again and I only kept that until this month when I’ve broken that promise . Sometimes you may mine met with agro from them for calling but I honestly think there are so many times my neighbours have heard such awful
things but they are worried to do anything, I think that it can only be helpful as long as it’s not malicious reports based on suspicions then surely ot always has to be call them ? Sorry for long message