to think neighbours are being unreasonable?

[chinchi]

We have a laptop in our back bedroom upstairs which joins on to the bedroom of neighbours two daughters bedroom, ages 11 and 5.

DH chats to his parents on the Internet using Skype usually 3 nights out of the week when he's not in work. Usually opens net at 9pmish and is done by 11pm. He by no means shouts, but talks at a level he would do with me, yet everynight this week there has been a bang on the wall hinting for him to keep the noise down.

Granted, he does have a deep voice, but can that be helped? Its a different story when they have their summer BBQs and Xmas parties and have the music balring til 4am with a 5 month old DS with us, yet DH talks for a couple of hours on a night and we get a braying on the wall.

We cant move laptop to other spare room as the miserable middle-aged guy on that side gets up at 3am for work and brayed on the wall many a night when DH used to talk in there. (His wife told my Mum when we moved back to UK that the reason he didnt come to our welcome home party was because DH is Turkish and he cant forgive Turks for the football fiasco several years ago when a Leeds Utd fan got killed. Hmmm sounds racist to me?)

The neighbours have not approached us about this, despite seeing us lastnight as we were getting out of the car at the same time, so is it just the girl trying to be cocky do you think?

Starting to feel like we cant please ourselves in our own home!

I think that at 11 and 5 they are too young to be kept up til eleven on a school night if they can hear him

I am not saying that he is loud or that he doesn't have a right talk to his parents but it is loud enough for them to be kept awake.

If it was me i would do it earlier or on a weekend.

I have to say that I am not sure that they are being unreasonable. If it was their childs bedroom then having to wait until 11pm for the child to be able to get to sleep. (don't know if this is the case)

I also think that 3 nights a week from 9-11 is quite alot of noise disturbance in comparison to perhaps 3 bbq's each summer and a Christmas party.

Deep voices can't be changed however they do carry much more than a less deep voice.

Banging on the wall is getting to you and not the right way of approaching the situation, however, what would your reaction be if they did approach you, are you open to changing the amount of time your Dh is on Skype each night?

If the chap the other side complained it would suggest that the noise is carrying more than you think, even if they are not great neighbours.

Could he move the laptop downstairs so that he isn't disturbing anyone trying to sleep?

The difficulty about wanting to please yourself in your own home is that they could potentially say exactly the same thing about not being able to go to sleep in the bedroom before 11pm.

I am not having a go.. I am really not sure if you are being unreasonable, just giving you some wider thoughts on the subject.

I really appreciate the replies.
It just seems strange that the parents havnt approached us if thats the case.

I agree that DHs voice may actually be carrying more than what we realise, but surely the girl would have mentioned this to her parents?

Do you have a head set to use with the skype? A microphone on a headset is close to the mouth and so he could speak more quietly. And you wouldn't be able to hear the parents as they answer.

Maybe they just don't want to rock the boat. It would be hard to say to someone could you not talk in your own home pleae.

I agree with others though that 2 hours, 3 times a week is to often to be disturbing these children (even though I know it's not intentional)

remember though that they are just children so I think it would be generous of you to find an alternative place for your dh to talk.

I'd talk to them about it.

When my SDs were younger, we had a problem with a neighbour wanting to play music loudly, so the kids couldn't get to sleep.

We agreed that we had a 'sleep' switch off, we'd go round when the kids were going to sleep and the music would go down just while the kids went to sleep. Once they were gonners, we'd let him know and he could have his music back up... it worked for us and meant that he didn't feel constrained while we got peace for the kids...

Do you know if the parents know that the walls are being banged, or is it just the daughter?

Are they approachable and could you ask..is everything ok?

If you are in a semi or a terrace everyone makes noise and it's something you have to live with (IMO) to a point.

Also has the banging just started (IYKWIM) and has he talked on net for longer than the banging?

If you at least know what's going on you know whether or not to worry - my (ex) neighbour once banged on the shared fire brick so hard and long that I thought someone had broken in and attacked her and her DH, but she was just having a hissy fit cos I'd got a fire lit past 10pm! I nearly called the police!

He talks on the net like this every week, but its only been this Sun, Mon, Tues that theyve knocked.
Im presuming its the daughter as we saw the Dad last night and DH was stood chatting to him and he never mentioned anything.
Were in a mid-terrace so noise from all directions really!
LOL at the hissy fit

I agree DH may need to talk elsewhere, Im just stumped about the whole thing really!

Are you sure they are banging, and not one of the children turning over in bed. Both our dc's beds are against the wall and they often bang against the wall when they move in their sleep.

my first thought was that he must be talking loud if both neighbours on either side have banged
Am quite shocked someone would speak for 2 hours 3 timesa week to their parents tbh. Seems a lot , no?

not sure there is much reason to be stumped. the neighbour one side has complained about the noise, sounds like the other side are complaining, are you resistant to him moving downstairs so he doesn't disturb anyone?

I thought that too posie - can't imagine what I could talk to my parents about for 6 hours a week

If your other neighbours could hear when your dh talked in the other room, then it would seem that the noise is travelling more than you think. Not saying your neighbour is reasonable to bang on your wall to resolve this though - you really should speak to them about it. But if the noise is really causing them a disturbance, and it's a few hours an evening two or three times a week, that is a lot - you can't really equate a few noisy summer parties to that.

Our neighbours for some bizarre reason use the front bedroom on the first floor (directly next to ours) as a living room and it made my life an absolute misery. Even if they were only talking at a normal level I could hear everything, including the tv programmes. With a very young baby, I would be lying there in the late evening trying to get to sleep and instead would just get extremely wound up and irritated. In the end we had to have the wall insulated as they refused to do anything about the noise. It sounds as though you are very nice reasonable people though so am sure you will be able to resolve it!! Could you get a laptop and use a wireless connection, then your dh could sit in the living room or wherever else he fancied?

I heard on the radio yesterday that people who live near busy roads are reporting more noise over the last week so. Something to do with the weather. The sounds travel faster through the thinner air, bounces against the colder upper air and this is making deep sounds louder than usual.Sounds bizarre but it's true.

Can't see that this would affect noises in a house though?

Can he not use the laptop downstairs?

SK

it obviously isn't the neighbours being unreasonable if the neighbour the other side had already had a problem with it.
If your OH is aware that he has a deep voice, why has he been upstairs on the phone, knowing that people may well be trying to sleep in the next room? Seems a bit inconsiderate to me.
Why can he not do it downstairs?