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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU School uniform summer alterations

21 replies

SoccerMum1 · 05/06/2023 11:50

Hey all,

DS 14 has decided this morning that cause the weather is nicer, he wants to wear his school tie looser, with the top button undone which will be visible (which is against the school rules, however seems to be not enforced)

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to do it up and wear it properly (like it would be done in the workplace)

YABU: It's fine, let it slide
YANBU: Make him to it up properly and fasten top button

Thanks

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 05/06/2023 11:54

If he is prepared to accept any sanction if there is enforcement, then OK.

lanthanum · 05/06/2023 11:54

Leave it to him. Two reasons: (1) it's his problem if he gets into trouble (and he may be perfectly able to judge which teachers will enforce the rules and which will let them get away with it), and (2) if he doesn't agree, he'll just loosen it as soon as he's out of your sight anyway.

Confusedmeanderings · 05/06/2023 11:55

He's 14 and old enough to know about consequences. I would tell him that it's up to him but it's on his own head if he gets pulled up for it, then let him get on with it. To be honest, even if he leaves the house dressed properly, the chances are that to button will be undone by the time he gets to the end of the street!

EarthlyNightshade · 05/06/2023 11:56

How would you make him do it up properly?
Do you mean you'd sanction him at home?

Tamuchly · 05/06/2023 11:56

At 14 I’d remind him what the uniform rules are and tell him that any consequences from him not following them would be his responsibility alone. It’s good to make your own decisions as a teenager.

dementedpixie · 05/06/2023 11:57

It's not really something I could get worked up about tbh

HoldingTheDoor · 05/06/2023 11:57

YABU for regularly posting about your school uniform/top button/tie fetish.

ANewAdventure · 05/06/2023 11:57

Find a better hill to die on!

It’s not unreasonable for you to remind him of the rules. It is unreasonable for you to attempt to enforce a rule which is not yours, and you know he’ll just adjust it as soon as he’s out of sight. Why make it an issue between you?

Also, drop the “workplace” justification. School uniform is enforced way more strictly than the majority of workplaces.

Testina · 05/06/2023 11:58

HoldingTheDoor · 05/06/2023 11:57

YABU for regularly posting about your school uniform/top button/tie fetish.

Interesting! Will refrain from posting.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/06/2023 12:00

My dc are teens. As far as I'm concerned they can make whether alterations they want to they school, but they accept the sanctions imposed by school

Original poster
SoccerMum1 · 05/06/2023 12:00

@EarthlyNightshade just by making sure it's done up properly before he leaves in the morning

@HoldingTheDoor not sure what you're on about / if you've got me confused with someone else - i've never posted about this before

OP posts:
HoldingTheDoor · 05/06/2023 12:01

Interesting! Will refrain from posting.

He's been here for over a decade. The posts are so easy to spot and yes I've reported it.

A quick Google shows just how many threads there are discussing school uniforms and undone top buttons.

bussteward · 05/06/2023 12:04

HoldingTheDoor · 05/06/2023 11:57

YABU for regularly posting about your school uniform/top button/tie fetish.

Ooh, is there a uniform troll?

Original poster
SoccerMum1 · 05/06/2023 12:07

Not entirely sure what some of the replies are referring to - i've been a long time lurker on the site but only posted on here a couple of times recently (with nothing to do with uniform) - admins will be able to confirm. Definitely not some troll / fetish I assure you all that.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 05/06/2023 12:16

It's totally unreasonable to expect children and young people to adhere to dress codes that adults are able to relax for themselves in hot weather.

When my dc were small male teachers came to work in cargo shorts, tee-shirt and flip flops, wome teachers in strappy sundress or shorts and vest tops when temperatures hit the late 70s. Every child from age 4 was expected to be in school in a collar and tie, socks and closed in shoes.

I wrote to the chair of governors and staff covered up and if a senior male teacher took off his tie in assembly so could all the children. Nowadays I guess there would be a WhatsApp group.

Few people wear a tie nowadays, except perhaps for a client meeting.

KrisAkabusi · 05/06/2023 12:23

How do you think you can enforce it? So he leaves the house with his button done up, walks round the corner and it's open again. How would you know/be able to stop that?

StarmanBobby · 05/06/2023 12:27

Just leave it. It's up the school to enforce uniform and it's not like he's rocking up in jeans and high tops.

HoldingTheDoor · 05/06/2023 12:30

Ooh, is there a uniform troll?

There is. They also post the same things on The Student Room.

Ilovedthe70s · 05/06/2023 12:45

You can try.
Unless kids are different than we were in the 70’s ours would have been undone by the time we got to the end of the road!

EarthlyNightshade · 05/06/2023 13:06

SoccerMum1 · 05/06/2023 12:00

@EarthlyNightshade just by making sure it's done up properly before he leaves in the morning

@HoldingTheDoor not sure what you're on about / if you've got me confused with someone else - i've never posted about this before

Would he not think to undo it again before he gets to school?

Coffeaddict · 05/06/2023 14:47

I went to an all girls school so can't relate to the tie issue but our skirts had to be a certain length. All the girls would roll them up at the bus stop in the morning and roll them back down in the afternoon on the way home.

Dito taking off the top layer of clothing going into the disco to expose the skimpier outfits underneath. Unless teens have become magically more compliant in the past couple of decades he's just going to undo it once he's around the corner. Lave the school to sanction him if they want.

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