Obsessing over what he did before he met me

[turkeydinosaurs6]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months.

A while ago, I went onto his Reddit on his phone to show him something, and in his searches was “XXX onlyfans”. I got upset and he said he never uses Reddit anymore, and he admitted he used to search for this before he met me. In fairness it did show dates of activity and it was almost a year ago.

I also saw onlyfans on his suggested websites on his laptop - he then searched for it in his history to show me, and it said it was last accessed in September so before he met me. He said he was single and bored but didn’t use it much.

It all makes perfect sense, plus I’ve seen his phone a lot and I have zero reason to think he’s doing it now.

But I suffer from anxiety, diagnosed OCD and retroactive jealousy, so I can’t get it out of my mind. Even though it was before he met me.

How do I stop obsessing over activity before he knew me??..

How embarrassing that you even brought this up to him, and then made him go through his onlyfans account 😂

Maybe stop going on his phone and you won't see stuff you don't want to see? Pretty simple really.

With this thinking I think you will always find something to judge or be upset over, then you may realise it won't make you happy

Yep, so when a woman comes on here and tells how her husband is searching her phone, quizzing her about what she's doing/who she's speaking to, her previous relationships we need to say "poor chap, he needs support"?

he admitted he used to search for this before he met me

He said it, not admitted it. There is nothing to admit.

If one of my friends told me the person they were in a relationship with checked their internet search history I'd be absolutely horrified.

What? im not sure I’m making sense of what you’re on about.

what does a woman who has a husband going through her phone have to do with this?

but since you asked - OP is as abusive as any man who’d do it to a woman.

soooo….yep poor boyfriend. He needs to run a mile!

The majority of men like porn, when single or in a relationship. You just have to accept it.

No she doesn't.

It sounds like you are not ready for a relationship. You should break up with him and focus on yourself.

What bollocks. OP, you have some suggestions here from other posters on how to work through this. Understandably this has made you feel uneasy, but he has shown you it was all before you. You absolutely can be in a realtionship. I hate when people say shit like this, as though only the most put together, confident and winning at life individuals are worthy of a relationship.

I think the key thing is time. And just let him know you are feeling a bit insecure/untrusting about it and hopefully he is the sort of guy that will understand this and try and work with you. So he'll be open with you about things and not create unnecessary unease.

Its not about not being in a realtionship. Its about being in a relationship with someone who cares enough about you to have your back when you're having a wobble.

I had an ex who struggled with anxiety and often felt insecure. If it helped to tell him I loved him a million times a day, or text him when I got back from seeing friends, or whatever, then thats what I did. Eventually we split, amicably and not over his anxiety, but at no point did I think he shouldn't be in a relationship. He just needed more reassurance than perhaps your average joe bloggs down the road would.