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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stranger commenting on DPS parenting ( on picnic)

18 replies

summerfinn · 04/06/2023 21:06

Was out today with my family having a picnic and ds is 14 and is typical teenager with mood swings and can really test our patience at time with how he speaks to us ect. Ds muttered a curse word or two under his breath at DP and DP was understandably fed up with him and perhaps a bit more dismissive and short with DS. When DP left to bring younger son to toliet the lady that was sitting smoking beside us alone started chatting to me about weather general chit chat. Then out of nowhere said my son reminds her of her now grown son. Went on to say her ex husband hated the older son and it looks like my DP is the same way with my son. That she heard how he spoke to him and that our son will grow up to hate his dad.

This was all while my son sat there. I was in shock . I kinda didn't say anything. Yes DP is a lot more stricter than me but he was sick today and making an effort to be there on a family day out. This lady just made assumptions. It ruined my day. AIBU to think it was wrong of her to say this to me in front of my son. Or am I missing something?

OP posts:

LisaD1 · 04/06/2023 21:08

Yabu to let the ramblings of a stranger ruin your day and not tell her to mind her own.

ShakeDatTing2 · 04/06/2023 21:08

If you know she just made assumptions and it's not true, why is it bothering you?

Unless it's hit a nerve?

Tigofigo · 04/06/2023 21:09

Maybe she can see something you can't...

Or maybe she's just projecting...

No point stewing over what she said and who was there as you can't change it, but maybe worth reflecting on why she may have felt the need to say it. She obviously didn't have context.

Food for thought either way.

Freefall212 · 04/06/2023 21:09

Did you speak up and back him up or suggest she keep her thoughts to herself?

She was out of line and given your other son was there, did you say something?

Beezknees · 04/06/2023 21:11

Bit weird but I'd probably let it go.

That aside it sounds a bit miserable. Did your 14 year old want to come or did you force him? I have a son a similar age and the last thing he'd want to do is go on a family picnic to be honest.

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 21:13

I can't imagine my 14 year old DSs (when they were that age) ever wanting to come on a picnic really, although they loved them when they were younger.

But then again, I can't imagine them getting away with swearing in front of us either, so I have no idea why the woman thinks she'll grow up hating his dad?

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 21:14

he'll not she'll.

Original poster

summerfinn · 04/06/2023 21:21

It was at a family friendly music festival. So we got food and sat down to eat it prob wrong choice of words with picnic. Ds has a major attitude problem lately that DP is finding particularly difficult. So it did hit a nerve . Especially as my son sat there listening.

OP posts:

Original poster

summerfinn · 04/06/2023 21:24

Beezknees · 04/06/2023 21:11

Bit weird but I'd probably let it go.

That aside it sounds a bit miserable. Did your 14 year old want to come or did you force him? I have a son a similar age and the last thing he'd want to do is go on a family picnic to be honest.

Ds loves coming places with us most of the time. He was happy to be there but just has a bad attitude and tone of voice at times. He had cursed under his breath at DP a few times because he was asked to share a few chips with his brother. Then cursed again when he felt he had enough room on the blanket (which he did) dp told him he did and to stop with the attitude.

OP posts:

Papernotplastic · 04/06/2023 21:24

Well, she might be a loon or she might be spot on. Sometimes an outsider can see what you can’t.

AutumnCrow · 04/06/2023 21:28

What are curse words where you are, OP? What are we talking about, out of interest?

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 21:30

I think the lady might have had her own issues

bibbityboppityboo · 04/06/2023 21:32

Very rude of the stranger! Sounds like she's projecting massively tbh.

Also, saying curse words at someone is a bit different to just saying them about a situation - it's really rude and tbh I'd sort of expect to be pulled up on it if I did it?

I'd think maybe a better response would have been telling her to mind her own business! Saying that in-front of your DS is very rude.

Daffodilmorning · 04/06/2023 21:42

It’s impossible to judge without being there. She could just be an interfering person who was projecting her own situation onto you… or she could have been trying to highlight how awful your DP’s behaviour was in a conversational way in the hopes that it would prompt you to take it seriously.

It depends what ‘a bit more dismissive and short’ means, really. If he sounded like he dislikes your son, that’s a problem.

Dibbydoos · 04/06/2023 21:43

LisaD1 · 04/06/2023 21:08

Yabu to let the ramblings of a stranger ruin your day and not tell her to mind her own.

Completely agree with @LisaD1

Why does her view matter to you? Talk to your DS and make sure he isn't dwelling on her ramblings, but otherwise brush it off....

Original poster

summerfinn · 04/06/2023 22:32

I guess I was just taking off guard. But I think the projecting her life onto me is probably right. My DS purposely does things to wind his dad up all the time. DP finally gets rightfully pissed off and corrects him in a firm tone, he never shouts . I guess this is what this lady heard. Lately nothing is working to change our son's behaviour.

OP posts:

BeverlyHa · 06/07/2023 20:19

Strangers talking to you out of the blue about your family affairs and telling you , your son is going to hate your husband is just a sign she is mad herself and has been hating someone or feels hated herself

calmcoco · 06/07/2023 20:25

summerfinn · 04/06/2023 22:32

Your son is behaving like many teens, of course nothing works to change his behaviour, it is a developmental phase. Just ride it out with appropriate boundaries when he goes too far.

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