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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A sun hat saga ☀️

26 replies

Anxiousmuch · 04/06/2023 16:48

My three year old son goes to a childminder with another three year old boy. The childminder asks for a bag of spare clothes which we provided including a spare sun hat. They went out on Friday to the park in the sunshine and the other little boy had forgot his hat and didn't have a spare. So childminder used my son's spare sun hat for the other boy. She didn't ask my permission but I didn't mind as I'd hate a little one to get sunstroke. However, at the park the other boy lost our spare sun hat. I've just received a message from childminder asking us to provide a replacement spare sun hat for our son. AIBU to think that the other boy's parents or she should replace the lost sun hat? I don't have another spare so it'd mean me purchasing one.

OP posts:
thatone · 04/06/2023 16:51

YANBU - I would have thought that the childminder should provide a spare sun hat.

FlounderingFruitcake · 04/06/2023 16:53

Childminder should replace. She gave it to another child and didn’t keep track of it, which was not her place to do. The other boy’s parents didn’t have anything to do with it.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 04/06/2023 16:53

I'd be asking the childminder to replace the hat, your son had a spare hat and she chose to use this, not great but fair enough. She can't then expect you to replace it when the child she gave it to, lost it.

Jojobees · 04/06/2023 16:54

Nope, the message back is hi childminder, I’m sorry your other charge lost our spare sun hat. I can send you a link to replace it. Thanks Anxious

Clymene · 04/06/2023 16:56

Either she or the other parents should replace it. Your child had two but now only has one because she was careless.

Hellocatshome · 04/06/2023 17:01

I would be absolutely fine with the childminder using any of my child's spares so another child is safe/comfortable/can participate BUT I absolutely would be replacing it if they then lost it. I would just message her back and say as it was lost in her care please can she replace it.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 04/06/2023 17:02

Hi childminder, apologies, I think you meant to message the other little boys parents. My son has/had a spare hat, however the other boy you lent it to lost it. I've attached a link to the spare one for either yourself or the other parent to replace.
Thanks
X

JudgeRudy · 04/06/2023 17:03

YANBU
The childminder took your spare hat without your permission (you've forgiven that and possibly set a presidence). She's lost it by allowing the child she was responsible for to leave it at yhe Park. She is responsible for replacing like for like or monetary value to your satisfaction. She should have insurance for these type of occurances.

JudgeRudy · 04/06/2023 17:05

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 04/06/2023 17:02

Hi childminder, apologies, I think you meant to message the other little boys parents. My son has/had a spare hat, however the other boy you lent it to lost it. I've attached a link to the spare one for either yourself or the other parent to replace.
Thanks
X

Spot on. This removes the need for awkward conversations and expresses the expected resolution perfectly.

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 17:07

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 04/06/2023 17:02

Hi childminder, apologies, I think you meant to message the other little boys parents. My son has/had a spare hat, however the other boy you lent it to lost it. I've attached a link to the spare one for either yourself or the other parent to replace.
Thanks
X

This.

What a right cheeky sort if she expects you to replace something she lost. If they'd left it in the blimmin bag it wouldn't have got lost. You don't provide clothes for the other kids. It's not your fault the other kid didn't have a sun hat or a spare sunhat.

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 17:08

JudgeRudy · 04/06/2023 17:03

YANBU
The childminder took your spare hat without your permission (you've forgiven that and possibly set a presidence). She's lost it by allowing the child she was responsible for to leave it at yhe Park. She is responsible for replacing like for like or monetary value to your satisfaction. She should have insurance for these type of occurances.

I can't imagine it would be worth her claiming for a sun hat on her insurance..

MidgeHardcastle · 04/06/2023 17:11

When she told you about the sun hat being lost, wouldn't that have been the time for the replacement conversation? To be messaging you she must have forgotten that it wasn't your ds who lost it.

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 17:11

Just how many sunhats does she expect you to buy for one summer?

Carebearstartrek · 04/06/2023 17:20

A hat is a lot easier to replace than a good childminder. Pick your battles.

JenniferBarkley · 04/06/2023 17:23

YANBU in principle, but for the sake of a few £ in Tesco I'd just replace with something cheap. A good relationship with my DC's nursery is worth more than that to me and so I'd roll my eyes and send the hat in if it's a one off. Not worth an awkward conversation.

AngelinaFibres · 04/06/2023 17:23

Carebearstartrek · 04/06/2023 17:20

A hat is a lot easier to replace than a good childminder. Pick your battles.

This. I dare say you can buy one from primark or a charity shop for a couple of pounds. If she's good and your son is happy that's worth a lot more

SaveMeFromForearms · 04/06/2023 17:25

Not worth getting into a debate about really, what's a sun hat from Primark, £2 or something?

Hankunamatata · 04/06/2023 17:27

She needs to replace if she lost it.

Clymene · 04/06/2023 17:27

SaveMeFromForearms · 04/06/2023 17:25

Not worth getting into a debate about really, what's a sun hat from Primark, £2 or something?

In that case, the childminder or the other parents can buy it then can't they? Cheap and easy to replace Smile

AngelinaFibres · 04/06/2023 17:28

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 17:08

I can't imagine it would be worth her claiming for a sun hat on her insurance..

Show quote history

She should just have a stash of spare hats,wellies, coats that children wear if they haven't brought one that day. My grandson is dressed entirely in free clothes from Facebook marketplace and gumtree. Lovely clothes for nothing. Small amount of effort to save a whole load of hassle

SaveMeFromForearms · 04/06/2023 17:42

Yes but for a good relationship I'd just suck it up. Small small problem.

KarmaStar · 04/06/2023 18:52

She's a c.f.!

Clymene · 04/06/2023 18:55

SaveMeFromForearms · 04/06/2023 17:42

Yes but for a good relationship I'd just suck it up. Small small problem.

It's just adding insult to injury. She's lost the OP's hat because she gave it to another kid and now she wants her to get a replacement.

And when I was working full time with a toddler, popping to Primark to pick up another one wasn't a quick and easy thing - it was a colossal pain in the arse.

SeeingSpots · 04/06/2023 19:03

I would be super shocked at her cheek in e
contacting you to be honest. I can't imagine sitting there and sending such a message knowing it was my fault the hat had been lost.

The embarrassment of losing it is one thing but to then ask you to replace it when she could instead get a spare just as easily next time she pops to the shops is next level cheeky fuckery.

Sprogonthetyne · 04/06/2023 20:22

She's is being cheeky but stuff gets lost at child care all the time and I don't send anything I would mind getting lost. I would probably have just replaced it next time I packed the bag and noticed it was gone without worrying which 3yo was responsible. Having said that, my kids hats are from the £1 shop, so can see why it might be more of a big deal if it was an expensive one.