Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just resolved yesterday to stop spending money like water...

15 replies

CheesyOnion · 04/06/2023 16:31

I'm a fairly comfortably off recent widow (my own job, nothing to do with being widowed, that all went to DC) who has spent the last couple of years building a new life.

"Company" when you're single costs money in a way that it doesn't when you're part of an established couple. E.g you go out for coffee /drinks/food/cinema rather than vegging on the sofa together. Also I've developed new hobbies that cost money and taken on some personal challenges, I'm just back from a week's adventure on my own.

Anyway, I resolved on my way home that I really must have a few months of not spending so much. Not becuase I can't afford it but because with inflation etc and never knowing what's round the corner.

Then I met some friends for breakfast (already failing at the first hurdle) whosr pretty much opening remark was "are you coming to <event in interesting European city I've never been to> with us?"

I'm rubbish at this 😆

OP posts:
Evaka · 04/06/2023 16:34

You can't take it with you OP! Sounds like you've had a sad time recently and are doing all the right things by finding new interests, traveling etc. Once you're not ripping through your retirement ££ and have rainy day savings, go on the trip and enjoy.

Wisterical · 04/06/2023 16:35

That sounds really tricky for you.

Original poster
CheesyOnion · 04/06/2023 16:36

Evaka · 04/06/2023 16:34

You can't take it with you OP! Sounds like you've had a sad time recently and are doing all the right things by finding new interests, traveling etc. Once you're not ripping through your retirement ££ and have rainy day savings, go on the trip and enjoy.

I'm a long way off retirement

OP posts:
highlydiverse · 04/06/2023 16:40

Sorry for your loss 💐

perhaps grieving and spending freely go together better than grieving and frugality - it’s probably not a very good idea to turn down any invitations that appeal to you. Maybe there will come a time to apply more restrictions later but recently widowed probably isn’t it!

YeahOkWhatever · 04/06/2023 16:41

Every month I resolve to be better with money....ha!

I pay my half of bills etc to the joint bills account (we don't have a joint account otherwise as I'm a spender he is not!). I've got a decent pension with work that I'm over half way to pay day now and I save an automatic amount straight from wages. However, I dip into savings all the time as I just like doing stuff.

The only positive for Lockdown for me is that I was able to stop spending due to having nothing to do, although I probably made some unnecessary purchases at the supermarket...

You can't spend it when you're gone, have fun with it...go to that European City..if costs are covered elsewhere then why not?

highlydiverse · 04/06/2023 16:42

That said, if you are a long way off retirement now is the time to think about how and where you’d like to spend those years. Are you saving as much as you can for it?

Original poster
CheesyOnion · 04/06/2023 16:44

Yes, my retirement is well catered for.

OP posts:
Stratocumulus · 04/06/2023 16:50

Shrouds don’t have pockets! Just make sure you have a nest egg for tiles coming off roof, new boiler, that sort of emergency, and spend the rest.
So long as you can pay your bills, have a reliable car and enough food, what’s the problem? No good lying on your death bed thinking about the trips you never made.

isthismylifenow · 04/06/2023 16:51

I don't have the same fortunate position as you wrt to having spare funds, but I do agree that it's expensive being single. If you are into socialising that is.

Probably why it's a good thing I'm an introvert and happy in my own company.

But go on the trip ... You're in a new chapter of your life now.

AssertiveGertrude · 04/06/2023 16:53

I think I would enjoy yourself (you have good weather now so you don’t need to pay for expensive coffees - get a nice book and cafetière and sit in the garden - go to the cinema at cheap times ) but I would not turn down a great trip !!! Go for it
also could you take up a small Part time bit of work it that makes things more comfortable

Original poster
CheesyOnion · 04/06/2023 16:56

AssertiveGertrude · 04/06/2023 16:53

I think I would enjoy yourself (you have good weather now so you don’t need to pay for expensive coffees - get a nice book and cafetière and sit in the garden - go to the cinema at cheap times ) but I would not turn down a great trip !!! Go for it
also could you take up a small Part time bit of work it that makes things more comfortable

I already have a very full on FT job, that's why I'm "comfortable"!

Of course I can sit in the garden with a book, it's the social stuff that costs money.

OP posts:
NellyBarney · 04/06/2023 16:58

You experienced a great loss and have to rebuild your life. It's a time in your life that is worth investing in. My parents spent all their spare money on travel, cruises, eating out etc because they never knew how long they had. Now out of the blue, my df, always super fit, got health issues and they can't do much anymore. But once they need care, they'll spend whatever they will have saved like the Niagara waterfalls, so what's the point in saving? As long as you don't go silly and get into debt, enjoy this stage of your life as long as it lasts. With time ticking, there is no other time in your life to explore and make new relationships and memories.

ShandaLear · 04/06/2023 16:58

I am sorry for your loss, OP. My mum lost my dad recently and she’s rattling around, not really knowing what to do with herself. Don’t be too hard on yourself, at least not for a year or two. Consider it a period of readjustment, where you’re finding your own space, exploring what you like/want to do and what you don’t, and it doesn’t need to be all or nothing. If you want to go on a trip with your friends then absolutely go, and enjoy the coffee, and when you’re ready, look for more cost effective activities, start to explore those. My mum, having never been much of a drinker, started drinking quite a lot by her standards, but luckily, after a few months, she decided it was doing her no good and stopped.

SwedishDeathClearance · 04/06/2023 17:42

Honestly- spend whilst you can and enjoy life

We decided that it our 20s we would spend and have a great life for us and our children. Didn't save (except pensions) In our 50s my DH was diagnosed with 3 types of cancer

Dont regret a moment of spending and what we did for 30 years. You cant take it with you.

Surprise1WinnerWeekend · 04/06/2023 21:03

Good friends are worth their weight in gold, so please continue to have fun with them

Live frugally when you are not with your friends

Enjoy yourself 😁

New posts on this thread. Refresh page