Child Maintenance

[scorpiogirly]

Hi all. Just looking for some advice to see who's in the wrong here.

I work from home 2 days a week. Went PT when I had my daughter who is now 4 and started school in September.

Single parent and dd lives with me.

As it was half term last week, working proved a little more difficult. The first day was okay, but the second day was difficult in the afternoon so I asked my manager if I could finish early. We have flexi so usually not an issue.

My manager asked how I was going to cope in the summer holidays and said that my ex would have to step up and take some annual leave to watch her when I work on occasion. Otherwise I would have to get childcare and go into the office. Everyone on my team works from home. I also have plenty of annual leave to take.

So I spoke to ex on Friday and asked him if he would be able to take some time off to help during the holidays and explained what my manager had said.

His answer was no. Why should he take annual leave just so I can work? He added that this is what he pays child maintenance for.

When I applied for CM he was extremely annoyed. He called them and the lady told him apparently that the CM covers everything that he doesn't have to pay another penny. He also thinks that gifts from him for birthdays and Christmas should come out of the CM. Even though he does buy her gifts for both of these occasions.

I explained that the CM was to cover her general living costs. He doesn't buy clothes or shoes or pay towards activities. It all comes from the CM which is fine by me.

He then said that when he called CM when I first applied he wished he had asked them if there was any way I could be accountable for the moment in the form of receipts to him to make sure I wasn't spending it on myself!! He actually said tobacco and drinks. I do smoke and I usually have the odd drink in the house on a Friday night. Sometimes one or two in the week. Certainly none of his money goes on me.

So is this the case? Is child maintenance basically paying the resident parent to look after the child whilst the other absolves themselves of any sort of responsibility?

I will add that before I called CM we couldn't settle on an amount for him to pay each month. He suggested I keep the receipts of everything I bought for her during the week, add them up and we would split it. He them offered 100 a month which I wasn't happy with.

Yes he is right child maintenance is all he legally needs to pay and he doesn’t have to pay extra. My ex only had to pay £7 for our 4 children and that’s to cover everything.

I do understand that. I never have asked for another penny. My question is though is that it's for the upkeep of our daughter surely and not paying me to be a 24/7 babysitter whilst his life hasn't had to change at all.

It sucks, but he is correct. All he has to pay is the child maintenance. Do you claim Universal Credit? I believe you can claim the childcare element for school holidays (although it was a while ago when mine were that age and it was tax credits then).

I do claim a top up of UC yes. I didn't think the childcare element could be claimed if the child was in school.

Also, do you have a contact agreement in place? Ideally he should have her for some of the school holidays, although I know lots of men including my ex don't.

Looks like you can :)

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/childcare/childcare-options-youre-getting-universal-credit/#:~:text=Once%20your%20child%20is%20at,childcare%20costs%20in%20universal%20credit.

Again you can ask for extras but legally he doesn’t have to pay anything extra. My ex never has our children and has never had them overnight. It’s rubbish but not sure what you can do? You can’t force him to.

I claim the childcare element for before school and after school care when I am working. You can claim for holiday childcare too as long as the holiday club is ofsted registered then you can get help with 85% of the cost of childcare. My kids love going to holiday club if I do have to work over the holidays, they would go every day if they could!

No. He basically sees her every weekend coming and going as he pleases. Things did get bad between us and I implemented him seeing her every other weekend and handing her off on the doorstep. He wasn't happy with this of course but I explained that it wouldn't be fair for him to have her every weekend as I would never get chance to do things with her. He thinks time after school is quality time for me and her. That arrangement slipped as we started getting on better but it's going down the pan again now. I did mention setting up that arrangement again but he went mad and said he would take me to court.

I don't want extras. I don't want and have never asked for a penny more. But I didn't think the CM covered me just looking after her without him having to take time to have her also?

I've sacrificed a lot by going PT and obviously my pension will be greatly affected. Options for promotion have been scuppered as these are usually FT positions.

I'm not complaining as if I worked full time at the moment I do not know how I would cope and I would barely see her. But it just seems unfair that I've made all these changes whilst his life hasn't changed at all.

Yes it does as the amount you get is reflected on how often he has her overnight so if he has her less nights you get more maintenance if he had her more you would get less.

EOW is a perfectly reasonable request. I would be stopping the coming and going and encouraging him to get a Child Arrangement Order.

Legally he only has to pay CM. Many NRP pay extra eg my ex pays for our kids to have phone contracts and I often see references to exes paying half of school uniform.

By the sounds of it you need to set up some more formal access arrangements.

You have every other weekend, but most people I know then split the school holidays 50/50.

Although if he is then having her more, this would reduce the child maintenance payments...

As you only work 2 days a week, I suggest looking into some sort of childcare club for your daughter on one of the two days, or you look after a friend's child on one of the other days when you don't work, then do a swap so she then has your daughter on one of your work days.

(I'm not a single parent but I look after a friend's daughter after school once a week, and in return she helps out for a day in the school holiday when I need to get work done)

You’ll need to look for holiday clubs , yes it’s rubbish his stance but it is what it is realistically he’s not going to budge and is that type of person.

Both my children go to holidays clubs, Hubbie and I do take time off however w e don’t have endless amounts of leave and our jobs ( emergency services) have minimum staffing levels and holidays are impossible to get off.

You absolutely can claim childcare help when the child is in school if you use a registered provider, I've done it myself in the past when DS went to wrap around club. If you can find a local holiday club that is OFSTED registered you will be able to claim back 85% of the cost.

It sucks I know. My ex pays CM but doesn't see DS at all.

He has made it clear he is disney dad only and you cant rely on him to be reasonable or consistent, I would formalise contact including school holidays so everyone knows where they stand you know what childcare you need to find. You cant WFH with a young child.

Child maintenance commensurate with CMS formula is the only legal requirement and some NRP find a way around that too. Beyond CM yes any parent can opt out, sometimes both do and children end up in the care of other relatives or in the foster care system. Beyond the finical contribution the law doesn't enforce anything else. Even if you go to court to get child arrangements finalized it's still the case that he can just not turn up as it suits him. It's more about saying he can only have DC at the specific times and that you must make DC ready for him to pick up at specific times. Yes a good father would want to share the holiday care,. He's shown you that's not something he will ever be.