to ask you to help me out of this constant fight or flight anxiety, especially bad during the night, 2am, 3am wake up anxiety, can’t switch off.

[GenXsurvivor]

I’ve dealt with extreme amounts of stress due to DS’s horrendous time at secondary school, every year of it. Thankfully it’s almost coming to an end as he’s Y11.

We’ve dealt with MH difficulties, SEN diagnosis, injuries resulting in surgery and he’s been bullied, so much so that he’s had lessons provided at home by the school and he’s completing only core subject GCSES.

Just wanted to paint the picture of why this has built up and up over time.

I think I’m almost waiting for the next incident, the next thing we need to worry about. It’s been a constant.

I need to be stronger for him so is there anything you can recommend that helped for you?

Little life events are becoming big events too, our NDN are funny sod’s and currently going through a phase of not speaking, even though we have done nothing I can think of, this causes the daytime anxiety, just as an example.

I’m sorry I’ve posted on AIBU but there always seems more traffic.

I’m possibly going through the menopause (have coil fitted so don’t have periods) so don’t know if this would be adding to the symptoms?

MENOPAUSE yes!!!!!!

CBT helped me lots with anxiety and depression - so much so that I became a practitioner as part of my old job.

But Melanie Tonia Evans' Quanta Freedom Healing was what organically shifted it all. I never have depression or anxiety now, and if I do, relief is only a 30 minute shift away. I certaily do not have to monitor my thoughts and follow certain behaviours to change those thoughts, the way I did with CBT.

When I began QFH, I had PTSD as I was being stalked by an abusive ex - it really helped me to sleep and function.

I know I sound like an advert, but my goodness, after working so hard with CBT for 20 years, QFH changed everything in about 6 months. You could also try out a free 3 minute exercise when you next wake: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-soothe-ptsd-anxiety-and-depression-3-minute-exercise/

But CBT is not woo if you prefer scientifically based stuff, and does work if you keep on monitoring your thoughts and following the behaviours needed to prevent urealistic thoughts from arising. So it you don't fancy QFH, then take a look at that. Be careful with your practitioner though. If you are not given 'experiments' to disprove (or prove!) that your thoughts are true, and then given behaviours to similarly test to see if they prove the replacement thought is true (or disprove that), then you are not getting CBT.

Following some big medical events in the last few years, I now have PTSD, which means that when my brain senses me falling asleep, it mistakes that "switching off" for dying, and wakes me up with a huge surge of adrenalin. It's horrible, and I really empathise.

The main thing that is helping me is a really good CBT therapist. I was a bit wary initially, as I hadn't heard a lot of positive stories about it's effectiveness, but I'm finding it really working for me. Understanding exactly what is happening in my brain and more importantly why my brain thinks it's doing the right thing to protect me, really helps me to rationalise in those first few moments when the fight/flight/panic kicks in.

I still don't sleep "well", but I have gone from 4 x 20 minute naps each night, to managing to sleep between 2 and 4 hours each night - although still usually broken into 2 individual sleeps. However, I have only been in therapy for 5 months, and expect this to continue to improve as I continue with therapy.

The other thing I do, which isn't suitable for everyone of course, is once or twice a week (when I have nights where I have nothing to do the next morning, as I will be completely useless until around midday the next day) is take a couple of sleeping tablets. I still get the startle awake thing as I'm trying to drop off, but it will usually mean I get a block of around 5 or 6 hours, which helps me get through the rest of the week.

I'd definitely recommend CBT as your first port of call though, I feel hopeful about my sleep for the first time in nearly 2 years.

Thanks so much for all of your replies so far, certainly given me something to look into.

I will come back later, just in the middle of back and forth to the shops, so once I’ve got more time later, I’ll sit down and read your replies thoroughly.

It’s a nightmare and I just want the anxiety to go away!

I'm not quite sure why my reply is being moderated so I'll try again. My suggestions were: hrt

And melatonin gummies

Ah OK worked out what the problem is now - bizarre- and audiobooks. I find that they stop me lying awake and stressing, rather I switch one on and drift away listening to it instead.

You could try yoga nidra. It's a form of meditation, relaxation and if I can't sleep I will put one on my phone, follow the instructions and it helps stop racing thoughts. You may even fall asleep during it. It has been a lifeline for me during a period of chronic illness and depression. Even if you don't sleep, it is a nicer way to spend awake time and over time will force your body and mind to relax so you are basically in a sleep style state. Better than lying awake thinking

This is apparently very common in (peri) menopause. I find sleep stories work to distract me - there are lots of free podcasts putting out stories specifically to help you get to sleep.

My DS is early 20s. Teens were very difficult. Self Harm, undiagnosed SEN (diagnosed now, but a bit late) MH issues, drugs.

My low point was just before we took him out of school. I was feeling physically sick every day waiting for the school to call with another litany of disasters and also had very poor sleep because I was constantly anxious.

Please investigate any options given to you, but what helped me the most was distancing myself and regarding it all as "a DS thing he needed help with" rather than "my fault, my problem". Once I took myself out of the equation and viewed it a bit more pragmatically and avoided getting too emotionally caught up in it all, it was easier to manage and I felt less anxious.

Of course I still loved DS and still did everything I could to help him, and of course I was still concerned for him etc., none of that changed, it was just the way I looked at it.