To not want to check if its OK for boyfriend to meet son?

[Redcliffe1]

I split with my ex a couple of years ago and we co-parent pretty well - 50/50. I have been seeing someone for 9 months and a few weeks ago he ended up meeting my son (aged 8) as he got on the same bus as us (he was waiting for me in the same place I have gone to with my son and I was taking him back to his dads, so he got the bus a part of the way - maybe 10 mins) and got off before us to go shopping and my ex was very upset about meeting.

I have been given free tickets for something today - 2 adults and one child. Normally my teen (16) would be here (who hates the idea of me having a bf so would never suggest meeting) but as he's doing his GCSE he's asked to stay at his dads for the duration. So after checking with my son I have invited my bf along. But now I'm seconded guessing myself - should I not have done this? Should I have asked his dad first if I could invite my bf? Or should I just let him know before (or after) the event.

To me it seems fine.
Turn it round, your ex has a new girlfriend, they've been together nine months, would it be ok if they went out to a low pressure day out? Probably.
You're not asking to move him in, just that they can build a relationship slowly I presume.

Absolutely. My teen is here another couple of years at least so no moving in plans at all!

Ex sounds controlling. Some men feel like they still 'own' you even after splitting up.

It's not like that thread with someone bringing new men overnight after knowing them for 2 weeks.

The same guy after 9 months of knowing him, seeing him in a public setting, not overnight in your house.

I’d let him know, given he reacted badly last time. It’s just basic good manners to jointly manage introductions to new partners.

Good point. I've sent him a text just asking if we could have a quick chat (he also doesn't like me texting about important things as he would rather talk) so hopefully it will be ok.

When his parents split there was a ton of other grownups brought into his and his sisters lives very quickly which he hated so its possibly a bit of a trigger for him.