To distance myself from MIL

[Fatshamed]

My MIL has an eating disorder and controls everything she eats and monitors what those around her are eating .

I understand this is a illness, but she has no insight into it and is really rude with it.
She thinks fat people are disgusting and worthless. When my partner and I got together I was a size 8 and she treated me well, but due to ill health I'm now a 14/16. She let's it be known I'm worthless and can tell she is disgusted by me. She can't even look at me eat. My views have no value. I've been told she has looked at people in restaurants eating who are larger and loudly voiced her disgust so the person can hear. I really struggle to accept her behaviour.

My partner said she has invited us round for dinner tomorrow. I quite frankly don't want to go and be subjected to it.

Am I being unreasonable to avoid her or should I go and accept she has an illness.

Fuck that OP. Stay at home and treat yourself to a takeaway. You DP can tell his mum what he wants, I'd be having nothing to do with her.

I would spend time with them just for the pleasure of insulting them both and seeing how they like it....if you've got time for that sort of thing
if not just avoid them!

How does your partner react when his parents are so rude to you? Does he stand up for you? Why does he expect you to go there and be treated like this?

Tell your DP that you won’t be going because his parents are both unpleasant and go out of their way to be nasty to you. DP can go on his own if he wants to but you don’t need to join him.

I wouldn't go.

She'll probably give you a lettuce leaf.

Invite her to you, and serve her a saucer of milk. 😼

Do you know. I just said No I don't want to go. He hasn't even asked why, because he knows. He knows of he gets into a conversation about it he will be stuck in conflict between his mother and me. I don't want to put him in that position. I'm glad he hasn't asked why to be honest, because at the moment my answer would be harsh.

Honestly he is a victim too. He knows what they are like, but says he loves them.

He has no confidence. I wonder where he lost that 🤔

Wow they get worse at every post. I'd be tempted to emigrate

How sad. I think it would be best for you both to distance yourself from his parents, just make yourselves unavailable when invited. Nobody needs to be surrounded by such negativity.
Talk to your partner OP and support each other in this.

Wow! They sound absolutely awful, dont go, stay at home and enjoy your peace ❤️ I wouldn't go ever again to be honest!

I feel sorry for your husband and his sibling shaving to grow up like that, no wonder he has no confidence, it would do him wonders to go NC too, maybe if you do it first he will be more inclined to think about it?

Your husband's parents sound absolutely awful. I would never see them again.

Always remember... having a mental/psychological/physical illness and being a total arsehole are NOT mutually exclusive...

My husband has bpd... he used this as an excuse to belittle and denigrate (because he felt shit he wanted me to feel shit too)

7 years ago I moved out. I live 1 mile away. I see him 3-4 days a week. Sometimes more , sometimes less. We holiday together, speak several times a day .. but ANY poor/disrespectful behaviour and I walk away of tell him to go home .. you know what ? After 6 months it stopped. He had to make a choice between being with me or not being with me so had to modify his behaviour. He chooses to spend time with me .

Moral of the story is that his BPD does not make him rude. He did it all by himself and now doesn't because he has been called out.

BPD is a difficult illness that I know well and know the behaviours.. I have sympathy and empathy when he is on a roll.. however rudeness is NOT a symptom...

We now have a very happy marriage!

I agree with @UCknowitall . My DC2 also has BPD. But is a thoroughly decent, loving human being and works very hard at not letting the illness turn them into someone they don't want to be. There's an element of choice here.

Oh my. There is more.

The absolute worst comment I've heard come out of my FILs mouth was that the women going to court about Harvey Weinstein is that 'they (women) were all getting something out of it'.

I remember just being frozen and looking at him and thinking 'what rape'?

@Redshoeblueshoe
I absolutely want to emigrate. But brexit has ruined it.

I'm glad you had the skills and patience to see this through to a happy result.

I don't think there is a capacity for change in this case. I've run out of patience after many years.