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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I thought he’d be even a bit concerned?

23 replies

pineapplecup · 03/06/2023 10:06

I may be hugely over reacting here

I’ve gone through a really hard time recently which has caused my mental health to spiral. It’s been affecting me and DP a little bit and he said I’ve changed a bit (which I have, not been myself at all) but he’s still been super supportive and loving.

I decided to try medication last week. I’ve been having side effects, nothing major but I’ve been going light headed during the day, having extreme nausea and insomnia.

Last night DP went out with his friends. I decided to stay in, I haven’t been sleeping well and felt a bit down.
i didn’t sleep the night before and fell asleep at 8pm - this is so unlike me.

He texted me at 10pm “aww you’re probably fast asleep aren’t you! Sleep tight xx”
And again at 11:30 “I’m gonna join you and sleep now can’t wait to see you tomorrow I love you xx”

I dunno.. I just thought because it’s so unlike me to fall asleep early and I’ve been having all these bad side effects he would be more concerned? Or at least asking questions like “are you okay” like he didn’t even ask.

Am I over reacting? Have the tablets hit too early? 😂

OP posts:

Newusernameaug · 03/06/2023 10:11

Yes you’re over reacting. DP seems very loving and kind from those messages, please don’t be daft and push them away and punish them cos you’re not feeling great

Newtry · 03/06/2023 10:12

Way overthinking this. They sound like nice messages and if he knew you hadn't slept well, he ofc would think you fell asleep early - he even put it in the messages.

I hope the side effects start settling down for you

Azandme · 03/06/2023 10:16

Yep, you're overreacting. You didn't sleep the night before, so the logical and expected outcome of that is that you would fall asleep. Which you did.

He used logic and reason to figure that out - and he was right, so no need for concern.

It sounds like he really cares and is kind - your brain is trying to find problems where there are none.

Understandable with new meds, and you just have to ride it out. I hope they balance soon.

PointlessTrophy · 03/06/2023 10:17

Gosh. Surely he assumed you hadn’t slept well and had an early night. Which is a good thing.

Do you think he should have worried that you might be dead or unconscious? Poisoned by the meds? Did you want him to rush home? Or did you just want him to panic?

I am struggling to understand your expectations here. We are pretty stoic in our house, very independent of each other and don’t expect lots of indulgent pampering so that might be affecting my perspective.

Thebigblueballoon · 03/06/2023 10:20

He sent you loving texts while he was on a night out, fully aware that you aren’t sleeping well, and were in need of an early night… There’s no issue here at all, you’re making something out of nothing.

MRex · 03/06/2023 10:20

I would have expected you to be asleep by 10 in that situation too, so you're being unfair to him here and I don't even know what you would have selected him to do differently. If the medication is for anxiety then it can make symptoms worse initially, and it's possible that is making you a bit unreasonable. Alternatively, it could be that the medication is causing some erratic emotions and you ought to stop taking it. As you have other side effect concerns already, it could be useful to dial 111 and arrange to speak to an out of hours GP so they can judge if the effects are expected or problematic.

MRex · 03/06/2023 10:21

*expected, not selected

HowNowBrownElephant · 03/06/2023 10:23

Yes, sorry, you’re over-reacting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/06/2023 10:25

Give him a break! He was out, assumed you were getting an early one and still sent nice caring messages. He’s your boyfriend, but your parent or doctor or therapist. Don’t push him away if you want to be with him, he’s obviously being very supportive in a difficult situation.

ProfessorXtra · 03/06/2023 10:25

So he has been super loving and supportive.

He, correctly, assumed you were asleep. But you are hurt that he didn’t continuously ring you to wake you up? Come round and knock you out of bed, risking a bad nights sleep again

and him texting your twice during your sleep, isn’t enough.

It isn’t unusual for people to have an early night. Even if you rarely do, it’s normal reaction to think ‘bet she had an early night with her not sleeping’

I mean this kindly, but do you usually over react like this? I wonder if it’s worth speaking to someone very soon about your medication?

quietnightmare · 03/06/2023 10:29

He's being very supportive. It's your tablets and mood that's all

BellaJuno · 03/06/2023 10:30

Another one gently saying you’re over-reacting and looking for an issue that isn’t there. You were clearly on his mind as he texted you twice and it’s a no-brainer to think you may be asleep. He sounds like a keeper OP.

SmileyClare · 03/06/2023 10:37

I honestly don’t think anyone would be concerned by a partner having an early night?

It was far kinder to leave you to sleep than pester you with calls asking if you were ok

Your dp sounds very considerate. It is hard to support someone through a mental health episode so don’t spoil his night out by guilt tripping him or accusing him of not caring.

I hope you feel better after getting some much needed sleep

HeadacheEarthquake · 03/06/2023 10:39

He sounds lovely! You should give him an extra big cuddle in return.

You'll need up to six weeks depending on the meds you are taking to feel normal again and woe betide you if you forget for a few days. Your dp sounds brilliant and you should try to appreciate his messages for the well meaning gesture they were.

AlligatorPsychopath · 03/06/2023 10:42

But there wasn't anything to be concerned about..? Medication side effects aren't fun, but they don't pose any threat to you. You weren't having any kind of health crisis.

Fleebags · 03/06/2023 10:43

You are massively over-reacting, give him a break.

Fleebags · 03/06/2023 10:44

AlligatorPsychopath · 03/06/2023 10:42

But there wasn't anything to be concerned about..? Medication side effects aren't fun, but they don't pose any threat to you. You weren't having any kind of health crisis.

This.

DitherDother · 03/06/2023 10:47

He knew you hadn't slept, he knew you were taking medication that put you out of sorts, assuming you were sleeping was the best thing he could do.

What other options did he have? Demand to know why you weren't answering, come and break the door down?

TBH in that situation, I'd expect him to go out having wished me well and not hear from him again until morning, just because there's nothing he can do, so it's best not to not get a response iyswim.

DontBePassiveAggresive · 03/06/2023 10:49

Sorry, it's seems like you are over reacting. He sounds lovely.
How are you feeling now?

GiltEdges · 03/06/2023 10:49

I feel for the poor guy. You sound like hard work OP.

itsgettingweird · 03/06/2023 10:50

He was out and still found time to send you two loving messages.

Yes - you're over reacting.

Send a reply to say that yes, you were out for the count at 8pm, thank him for caring and ask if he had a good night.

Men like this don't come round very often - embrace it!

Original poster

pineapplecup · 03/06/2023 12:22

Fair enough - maybe the tablets are kicking in 😂 thanks all

OP posts:

GettingStuffed · 03/06/2023 12:26

Having had mental health issues I think your condition is probably the cause, most people wouldn't try to analyse what's going on. He was showing concern not checking on what you were doing.

Take care of yourself.

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