Ex always introduces new girlfriends after a week

[Axon]

I was with my Son’s Dad for 2 years. Left when baby was a few months old. I didn’t love him and found him immature.

Since this date he has desperately tried to have a longterm relationship but never manages it. He has on average a different girlfriend every 18 months. They always leave him.
Just dealing with the last two years. He met a woman with two children. One a boy the same age as our son (9).
After the second date she was introduced to our Son and within weeks our Son was full of excitement about having a step brother. He also referred to the girlfriend as his step mum and his school teacher showed me a picture of the girlfriend and her son and he’d added them to his family tree in school as his step mum and brother. The school teacher expressed some concern as she was aware they’d only been dating a few months.
After many declarations on social media of his undying love for her he proposed with my Son there holding the ring. He took my Son to buy a suit for the wedding.
Around the same time I got married (to ny partner of years and he was the only man my son had ever met).
My Son seemed sad (which my ex insisted in a letter was because I’d got married and suggested he have custody 🙄). My Son eventually confided in me that he’d overheard his Dad and girlfriend arguing downstairs while he was upstairs. He said he hoped he’d still be able to see his ‘step brother’. My heart broke.
Well the relationship was all over with from first date to end within 17 months.
I have helped my Son to process the loss of what he considered his step brother and the family life he thought he was getting. He’s always wanted a brother. I am currently pregnant so he will have a brother soon although obviously a big age gap. He is excited for the baby though.
Anyway two months ago our Son came home saying his Dad had a new girlfriend. It would have been around 3 months since he split from the other lady.
My Son said he’s not quite as comfortable with her as the previous one. She seems nice but is a lot older than his Dad (she is 44 and he is 38) I guess she seems old to a 9 year old 😂. Thankfully her children are adults so he won’t be introduced to ‘step siblings’ this time.
This new girlfriend is predictably all over social media now and He’s ‘never been happier’.
I totally understand wanting to find love. I don’t judge him for wanting to date. I don’t even judge him for his jumping in to relationships too soon and the protestations of love after three minutes. That’s fine if he wants to do that and I think this comes from desperation of wanting to be in a relationship.

I just really really wish he’d wait a few months, ensure it’s a solid, long term relationship before introducing our Son to them. Our Son loves meeting new people as is very accepting of anyone you introduce to him. He was excited by my Husband’s presence the moment he met him. Apart from this latest woman he’s been really excited in meeting the other women he’s dated. He trusts they like him and want to stay in his life. So this is so disturbing for him.
You can’t know that quickly if a relationship will work longterm. Is it really that wrong to wait a few months until you’re sure? I personally waited a year before our Son met my Husband.
I do worry about the long term impact on our Son. I don’t know what I can do to minimise the impact of this.
He only sees him every other weekend at least which minimised the impact (I hope).
I can’t speak to his Dad. He will just decide I’m unreasonable. I once did ask if he could wait 6 months before introducing but he said no.

AIBU to just think you can wait a few months to see if the relationship will be long term?

Door o know the post is long!

Given the first 6 months of a relationship are the honeymoon period then it is unwise to introduce any kids in this period!

Some people are so quick to rush relationships then wonder why they sour.

He can’t seem to just relax, enjoy the relationship, get to know the person, see if they’re compatible.
He starts so strong and introduces our Son. Convincing him this is his forever life partner.
Just worried for my Son

You are right to be worried, but sadly not a lot you can do other than support your son in the way you have been. The fact that he’s not as keen on this one suggests that he is learning not to get attached to new women in his dad’s life. And hopefully the fact that you’re in a happy and long-term relationship will give him the balance to his father’s more transient love life.

I agree with you although the example you gave about the relationship that lasted 17 months would have had this impact whether he waited 6 months or not.
Its a bit odd on the woman’s side too as you’d think they’d have some consideration about meeting a child too quickly and forming a bond themselves even if they don’t think about it from your sons point of view.

No, it’s not the right thing for your ex to be doing but I suppose you can’t stop him. All you can do really is try and instil in your son that these women probably won’t be forever, just so that his expectations are set. Although I suppose as he gets older and meets more and more of these women he’ll be beginning to realise that! His dad is not being a great role model for him unfortunately.

You last example lasted 17 months so waiting awhile wouldn't have affected anything there, have there been other, shorter relationships prior to that?

I agree with not introducing children to quickly, I think 6 months is about right but can't see how that would have changed things in the circumstances above.

Your son will get the idea that dad’s new girlfriend won’t be around forever and he’ll get used to it

He shouldn't be doing that but he thankfully has one stable/sensible parent so he's hardly going to be damaged because of it.

All you can do is say something like you seem really happy with new girlfriend so sounds like it's a long term thing and you really want it to work out so maybe holding back on introducing your son might be best for everyone? And also does he want to switch his weekends to help with this?

Sounds like my ex. I introduced one man to my children, I'm still with him over 20 years later. Exh introduced a new woman every year for 7 years till he eventually remarried. Each relationship lasted about 8 months. All had children of their own. Very intense relationships with loads of drama every single time. And there was sod all I could do about it.

What happened in our case is our children refused to engage with his gfs. They got very hurt the first couple of times so naturally stepped back from even remotely trying to get to know new gfs. By the time he met and married his now ex wife, they were very distant. Ex wife called them snotty and rude. They probably were. Not the kids faults, dads fault!.

It's bloody hard. Hope your lad gets on ok x

Totally agree with you! My bf ex is exactly the same she has a tendency to move in men pretty quick this had happened a few times she was with my bf 9 yrs left him for someone else when the daughter was 2, she stayed with him 6 years had 2 children split 3 yrs ago since then I’ve lost count how many men those children have been introduced too ☹️ the youngest is 6 and I worry she will think it’s acceptable to do this meet and move in it’s sad so sad

Awful 😢

It sounds a bit as though he uses your son to make the relationship become more serious than it would do naturally - getting the boy to hold the ring while he proposed pretty much guaranteed that she wouldn’t say no. I feel a bit sorry for the girlfriends too.