Boyfriend telling things to his friends that I've told him in private

[Lucy5551]

Hi,
I am 28 and been with boyfriend for 4 years.
Like most people, I sometimes vent to boyfriend about problems. Recently I've been feeling distant from a friend and I've confided in him about this - things like feeling left out and her being off with me).

Anyway, he got drunk 3 nights ago and told his friend how I've been feeling about my friend and how he doesn't like her.
However this friend he told is also the friend of my friend's boyfriend. (Sorry so much use of the word "friend").
I'm paranoid Incase all this gets back to her and I'm currently annoyed at him as I told him it expecting him to keep it to himself.

In what context did he involve himself?

Not that it really matters, he should have kept your confidence - not stirred up trouble.

How have you left it with him?

@Itsanotherhreatday I'm not sure, I wasn't there as it was a "boys night out".
I just mentioned earlier today how I'm feeling a bit low and he said, "I mentioned to 'friend' that I don't like the way she acts towards you and 'friend' agreed".

He might do this or might not, you wouldn’t know but think carefully how to respond in case she confronts you. She might decide not to confront you just to make a note for herself.
The problem is your BF . Why did he discuss you and your friendships with his friend? It’s so childish unless it’s a very big thing like you’ve lost your job because of your friend or something similar. Did they have nothing their own to talk about e.g sport, holidays , DIY, cars, beers, mortgage rates etc? Does he always talk too much when drunk?

Omg, what a big old gossip he is!

I would find it highly unusual for my husband to go out with his mates and discuss my friend issues 🤣.

It would actually give me the ick.

@pizzaHeart I don't know myself why he said it and I'm also upset about it because I don't want everyone to know my "problems".
I've asked him why and he said it just came up in conversation.

@DannyLaRuesBestFrock I know! Nevermind the fact he's probably going to end up making the friendship situation worse as this other 'friend' is also a gossip 🤦

He shouldn’t have blabbed your confidence/.. but now that he has, would it be terrible if she knew?? It might make her have a ‘OMG I’ve neglected my friendship with @Lucy5551 & need to contact her asap’ moment…..

Or she might be cross…. But if she treats you like shite anyway maybe you’re best off without this particular friend

It could be that he’s answered a question how things were at home mentioning that you were upset as you’ve got problem with a friend. In that case it’s not good but understandable. I would have a chat with him about not telling others your private stuff.
However if the problem is that he can’t control himself after a drink. It’s a bigger issue. Some people just can’t.
Don’t worry so much about your friend . The chain is so long: you, your BF, his friend, her BF and only then she. You can always pretend that you were upset that things were not good between you both and that’s all: “He said I’ve said this and this? No, I never said this”.

Or think about other appropriate to situation response.

YABU.

You're 28, not 18...?

Most people overshare or chat bollocks on a pub night, at least your boyfriend was honest - and it's clearly bothering him enough to bring it up when tipsy with friend-of-friends-boyfriend. Surely you respect him in a 4 yr relationship more than a friend you're not happy with. He's also allowed to tipsily admit his own opinion on someone.

This sounds like a drama with no llama. If you're really that bothered, the adult thing to do would be to simply reach out to the person you feel shunted by and asking for the chance to discuss how you both feel.