To stop trying for children?

[ivfregret]

Sorry to post for the second time this evening, but I'm feeling really down about this.

I really don't know whether to continue trying for children. I've had five miscarriages now and it's getting so exhausting and just like I don't know what direction my life is going in and I've lost control all because of this thing .

I'm so confused, I was always ambivalent about children anyway, so why am I chasing this thing I just can't even answer the question I have no idea what to do for the best .

My husband says he wants children one day than the next. He says he's really doesn't care is creating a strain for us because I have asked him for about six months ago and get a genetic test to see if the issue could be him and he hasn't done it, which is making me really upset after all the tests and pain I have had to go through.

I guess I'm posting to see if anyone has decided one day just to stop trying how did it work out for you?

No advice but bumping for you. I hope you can make a decision you're comfortable with. So sorry for your losses 💐

@Arewethebadguys thank you so much 🙏

I'm so sorry your going through this, multiple miscarriages must be so hard to go through physically and mentally.
I have never been pregnant and didn't get a choice about stopping trying to conceive as I developed health issues that made the decision for me .
But I just wanted to say that although it was difficult to come to terms with I am happy now and have a good life without a child.
My relationship with my husband is good and we are happy.
If you are ambivalent and exhausted with it all then I think you should stop and give yourself a break for a while at least.

The one thing I would say is that after an ectopic I desperately wanted to get pregnant. I was extremely ambivalent about having a child. I believe it was a combination of psychological loss and hormones (I had never had a deep desire to have kids before this) . Depending on your age maybe give yourself a break for a little while and have a think about whether you really want children.

Tbh if your DH hasn’t done what you have asked then he’s probably not that committed to having kids but he should also be unwilling to see you go through miscarriages if it could possibly have something to do with him. I know my DH would have wanted to stop TTC immediate if he thought there was a possibility that he was contributing to pregnancy losses.

@Noicant that's part of the problem he thinks it defo isn't him so it's wasting his time to get the tests but my point is after lol the knee and pain so far it's two hours of his day wtf he should want to rule everything out?

I also haven't got the time for a break I'm late thirties

@ivfregret I think after trying for so long and having the horrendous miscarriages you've had it makes sense for your brain to think about stopping. I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time. I'm old (almost 45) and have been trying IVF with donor sperm, so not the same, but I do have thoughts at times of being "free" if my next round fails - like doing things I don't do "just in case" - get drunk, dye my hair, wear nail varnish (!), do a strict diet and lose loads of weight ( I'm scared to restrict calories too much now). For me it's a protective mechanism, as I really wanted children but I'm going to make the most of life if it doesn't happen.

I wonder do you feel you want to be releases from trying in some way? Like make your decision and that's it? It's exhausting, and you've had a much more difficult time than me. Do you think you could give yourself the rest of the year "off" and see how you feel?? Or do you want to make a decision?

Take care x