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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a trampoline one

61 replies

HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 20:40

We have a considerable sized garden, around 100ft. We created a kind of split around two thirds of the way down - we have a bench under a freestanding Arbor with trellises attached, so the end of our garden is not completely cut off but is a bit of an obscured view from the house. The idea of this being we have a large patio for entertaining, followed by a pretty garden area with the trellis, then behind the trellis is the kids area. Here we have additional seating, a ping pong table and a trampoline against the back fence.

A neighbour that backs on to us has been round to ask us to move the trampoline. I want to start this by saying we are absolutely on board with moving the trampoline away from the boundary and we plan to do this. However, the neighbour also decided to write a letter, and the letter is so far off of the tone she was giving out in person. She asks in the letter that we move the trampoline a considerable distance from the boundary, or get it removed completely as she doesn't want to be able to see the trampoline or my daughter on it at all. Our garden is set higher than theirs, so even though we have a six foot fence, it is not six foot on our side iyswim probably more like 5ft - I don't think moving it up by the 8-10 metres I have available in the kids area will meet her requirements. She specifically states that as we have a large garden we have the space to move it - while technically this is true, I don't want to move the trampoline in front of the trellis as that was the point of putting the split there, I want to view my pretty garden and the kids have their own space. Yes I do have a large garden, but I paid a premium for it so I could use it how suited me, not so my neighbours can tell me how to use it.

The meet in person had me sympathising completely, but the letter and how it is worded has really got my back up. It has given me a deadline to move said trampoline (I would have moved it tomorrow following our talk) and the entire thing comes across as really confrontational and threatening. I could understand if she had spoken to me about it before, but I've literally never met her. In the face to face meeting she also briefly mentioned our ping pong table and fire pit (fire pit has been lit twice in a year, once to BBQ).

My plan is to move the trampoline as far up the kids area as possible but say that's as far as it will go even if she can still see the trampoline or the top of my child's head. It will mean re-working the space though so the ping pong table will need to be much nearer the boundary fence so the noise of that will be worse. I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be good enough for the neighbour. AIBU to tell her tough if she comes knocking again? While I'm absolutely looking to compromise by moving things around in the kids area, am I being a complete cow for saying I want to keep my pretty area of garden trampoline free?

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 02/06/2023 21:25

Increase the height of the fence AND move it further up. The trouble is trampolines tend to squeak anyway and a child is likely to bounce higher than the height of the fence, plus if more than one, they will talk, laugh and scream but she would hear that from any part of your garden. So she might still not be happy but if you have tried to compromise, she should respect that.

We have an L shaped garden with houses / gardens at right angles to part of it. Our neighbours asked us to move our trampoline up to where they couldn't see it / the children. Luckily there are high bushes and trees between us and the next neighbours garden, so no one minded and it meant we could see most of the trampoline from the house which helped with supervision if other people's kids came round.

I think you need to do something as you (and us) put your trampoline as far from the house as possible for a good reason! (Despite the shirty letter).

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/06/2023 21:29

However-if you move the trampoline into the adult zone does that move it closer to another neighbour who might get annoyed?

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:35

pookiedoodlepuppy · 02/06/2023 20:54

So you put the kids area as far away from your entertaining area ,and far from your house, so you can have peace from the kids noise and your neighbour has to endure the noise and carry on from your kids .
You are being really unreasonable .

Yes I did put the kids area far away from my house. But I brought the property with this in mind to suit my wants. They brought a house with a small garden so it's kind of inevitable they will be close to neighbours. Am I morally obliged to use only the area near my back door closest to my house (and in the process possibly risk annoying my next door neighbours in the process) to appease others?

OP posts:
Tygertiger · 02/06/2023 21:35

I have neighbours with a trampoline. It’s not so much the sight of the kids, it’s the noise (repetitive springs twanging constantly, kids shouting). Our gardens are all small so there’s nothing I can do except grit my teeth really. In your case, there is something. You have a massive garden so be a considerate neighbour and don’t subject your neighbours to the noise which you obviously don’t want yourself (or you’d have put it near your back door).

Tygertiger · 02/06/2023 21:39

HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:35

Yes I did put the kids area far away from my house. But I brought the property with this in mind to suit my wants. They brought a house with a small garden so it's kind of inevitable they will be close to neighbours. Am I morally obliged to use only the area near my back door closest to my house (and in the process possibly risk annoying my next door neighbours in the process) to appease others?

Show quote history

This really comes across as “I’m richer and can afford a bigger garden so my neighbour with a smaller budget can just suck it up”.

A trampoline isn’t a human right for your kids. It’s a luxury and it comes with the PITA that it’s an eyesore and noisy. It’s your choice to have it, so yes, I think the moral duty is on you not to inflict it on your neighbours.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:39

ThankYouLifeGuards · 02/06/2023 21:01

How long is her garden?

It's small. I'd say around 10-12 metres maybe

OP posts:
hungryh1ppo · 02/06/2023 21:42

Could you consider adding a trellis? I wouldn't move the trampoline out of the kids' area. We have a trampoline and I get it can be annoying so don't let the kids on it after 8 - and they are not out there hours on end. Similarly - next door don't have a trampoline but they play music in their garden and have a fire pit but also try and be considerate. If she wanted to live in pure isolation then she needed to buy somewhere without neighbours.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:43

RichTeaCheddars · 02/06/2023 21:06

Can either you or her increase the height of the fence so she has more privacy?

It is already a 6 foot fence so I don't think I am allowed to put in a taller fence. Trellis' on the top I hadn't considered which a couple of people have mentioned. Does anyone know if trellis is allowed on a 6 foot fence, or does this constitute making the fence too tall?

OP posts:
TheCheeseTray · 02/06/2023 21:45

Just say no.

IGoWalkingAfterMidnight · 02/06/2023 21:45

Dig a pit to lower the trampoline and leave it at the end of the garden?

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 21:48

So you put the trampoline furthest away from your house so don’t get disturbed by it but think it’s ok for your neighbourd

nice

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:50

Thatboymum · 02/06/2023 21:13

Yep this

Show quote history

She is more than able to create a pretty garden herself. She could put in hedges/plants/climbers. I really don't think seeing the very top of a trampoline in the distance over the top of a fence is really stopping her. I can still see part of the trampoline myself - the view is obscured but not completely cut off

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 02/06/2023 21:50

You’re not coming across well in your OP or replies OP so maybe you have something in common with your neighbour and don’t communicate well in writing. It’s your garden but be respectful. Also 10-12 metres?? That is not a small garden.

Morred · 02/06/2023 21:51

Swap the entertaining and kids areas over for a bit and have lots of loud parties - all day Saturday, late summer weekday nights. Invite your noisiest friends and encourage them laugh, hold forth loudly on boring political subjects, etc. Fire pit to the max, something smelly on the BBQ, outdoor music, string loads of fairy lights all over the fence and accidentally leave them all night. Put up noisy wind chimes and a loud water feature. Tell them you’re so glad they suggest swapping the kids/adult zones over and do a mumsnet TM tinkly laugh.

CleverLilViper · 02/06/2023 21:51

Tygertiger · 02/06/2023 21:39

This really comes across as “I’m richer and can afford a bigger garden so my neighbour with a smaller budget can just suck it up”.

A trampoline isn’t a human right for your kids. It’s a luxury and it comes with the PITA that it’s an eyesore and noisy. It’s your choice to have it, so yes, I think the moral duty is on you not to inflict it on your neighbours.

Show quote history

This.

OP, YABVU.

You absolutely have the right to enjoy your garden-but others also have the right to enjoy theirs as well. They also have the right to privacy. Both things you are likely to be breaching with this.

You likely know that the trampoline is going to be a nuisance-which is why you've chosen to put it as far as you can from yourself so you can enjoy your garden as you please. Without any real consideration or thought to how this will impact your neighbours.

Trampolines aren't a necessity for kids, you know. They won't suffer without them.

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 21:51

Oh and just because you can doesn’t mean you should
all this nonsense these days on here about kids have the right to screech and scream in their gardens and neighbours have to put up with it …
no, bust mo. It’s not right, not fair and while kids should be able to play happily outside should also be taught to keep the noise down and be considerate !

pookiedoodlepuppy · 02/06/2023 21:52

OP do you need binoculars to see your kids ?
You know you are being unreasonable .

Whinge · 02/06/2023 21:54

I really don't think seeing the very top of a trampoline in the distance over the top of a fence is really stopping her.

And what about the child bouncing on top of the trampoline...

You have lots of space to move the trampoline, or dig it out like others have suggested. Why should she have to change her garden when you have so many other options, and are the one who caused the problem in the first place.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 02/06/2023 21:57

It's hardly op's fault or problem her garden is bigger....

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:57

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 21:51

Oh and just because you can doesn’t mean you should
all this nonsense these days on here about kids have the right to screech and scream in their gardens and neighbours have to put up with it …
no, bust mo. It’s not right, not fair and while kids should be able to play happily outside should also be taught to keep the noise down and be considerate !

I haven't written anywhere on here about the noise. The neighbour also didn't mention any problem with noise from the trampoline.

My DD is 12 and nearly always uses the trampoline on her own (she usually meets friends out and about, they occasionally come over). She uses it for exercise, and to practice skills for trampolining at school. There is no screeching or screaming going on. At all

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 22:07

Then move it right next to your house. Problem solved !

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 02/06/2023 22:08

Your garden sounds amazing!
Offer to move the trampoline as far away as you can, but still in the kids area and discuss adding trellis to the fence with her.
Surely she can’t moan about making the fence higher if she is moaning about seeing your DD.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 22:08

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 22:07

Then move it right next to your house. Problem solved !

Then it's right next to two other neighbours who are either side of us, not problem solved at all 🙄

OP posts:
SapphOhNo · 02/06/2023 22:14

Tell her to nob off, leave your trampoline where you want it to be and enjoy your garden as you like.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 22:18

Thank you for all the responses, positive and negative. I am going to move the trampoline tomorrow and move it as far away as I can within the kids area. If it's not good enough for her I will suggest the trellis idea - not sure if I'm allowed in theory (ie making fence higher than 6ft) but if she is in agreement hopefully no one else would be bothered. Digging the trampoline in I don't think would work unfortunately as we have several big trees in the area and I don't think we would find an area big enough without roots in (trees were there before myself and the neighbour so I'm not doing anything to risk their damage).

OP posts: