Concerned about hygiene

[Pancake2463]

I have a family member who is hosting a birthday party but everytime I have been to their parties. Their house is not very clean. Additionally, the food will be cold, the lady has big hair that will be in the food, the plates will be dirty. It's a 4 hour drive but generally not sure about going. This is long term and can't really cut off family because of this but not sure what to do as they will be in our lives forever.

Eat before you go or stop for a meal just before you arrive.
Offer to bring a couple of dishes and only eat those.

Bring your own food perhaps you have dietary requirements 😉
Eat on the way then politely pick at the cold buffet if that's what it is.
Don't go.
Say you have a prior engagement and turn up a little late and already fed.

Bring your own food and say it's for dietary reasons, or don't eat whilst you're there.

I can't really tell from this post if you're being reasonable or if you're being a bit neurotic. You say the plates "will" be dirty but not clear how you know this.

At any rate if it's a four hour drive can't you just say it's too far? I don't think I'd ever travel four hours for a birthday party.

If you have to go get food on the way.

Big hair? 😂

On all occasions I've been there we have been served food in dirty plates like food dried on there. Serving dishes too. So that's why I assume it will be the case again.

Make an excuse, unless it's an 70/75/80th.

Can you just eat the crisps or something?

Do you like this relative? If you don’t then it’s fine to make a polite excuse regarding an eight hour round drive being too far to do in a day. If you do like them then I think it would be a shame to let something like dirty plates affect a relationship. As other posters have said, either take a dish or eat beforehand. As to the cleanliness of the house: I’d imagine you’ve eaten food at a picnic on the grass or the beach which aren’t exactly pre-cleaned environments, and have been absolutely fine. Think of a less than pristine house in the same way.

Come up with an intolerance to something very common and eat before you go.

I’d imagine you’ve eaten food at a picnic on the grass or the beach which aren’t exactly pre-cleaned environments, and have been absolutely fine.
That's a bit of a daft comparison. When I go on a picnic, we eat from the containers we bring the food in or transfer it to a plastic plate. I don't dump the food on the grass or on the sand and eat off of the ground!

You could
a) make an excuse and not go
b) say due to driving time you won't make it in time to eat so you'll eat at a service station on the way up, then if offered food keep saying you've eaten thanks
c) offer to make and bring a couple of dishes and then only eat those. Say you'll bring some paper plates too (if it's a buffet) to save the relative having to wash up
d)invent a food intolerance or say you're trying out a vegan lifestyle and for that reason and so as not to inconvenience anyone you'll bring your own food

Great response.

Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, I would really not want to have a falling out with family. Will eat beforehand and take a dish. Seems simple but hadn't thought of it.