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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I too overprotective over 3 year old

22 replies

Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 00:17

I have a very active 3 year old, this past 5 days I have been attending wedding parties (Indian) that’s why there so many days. Anyway the parties have on average 300-600 people depending on which event. The wedding halls are big venues with a few floors and big reception areas. Most parents were allowing their children to run around whilst they sat and ate or took pictures. Children from the ages of 2 upward were left to play, I stayed with my 3 year old at all times when he needed the toilet etc when he was eating most of the time I spent with him as I don’t like to not have him in my site as I get anxiety, for example what if he leaves the building as doors open car parK straight outside. My child is very active and has no fear with lots of energy. My question is am
i too overprotective I do let him play at arms length but he’s always in my sight as that’s the only way I feel comfortable I can’t relax not knowing where he is or what he’s doing.
others mums/dads are you like me or am
i too much

OP posts:
doubtfulguest · 02/06/2023 00:22

It definitely isnt unreasonable to keep a 3 year old in your sight .It is normal good parenting. Unless you know another responsible person is watching them I couldn't relax either.

continentallentil · 02/06/2023 00:26

I think you need to know someone is keeping an eye.

Does he go to nursery? If not that would be a good way to build some independence

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2023 00:29

No way are my 3yos allowed out of adult sight, I know the too well!

WineIsMyMainVice · 02/06/2023 00:30

Any event with that many people is difficult as they can get lost in a crowd.
good suggestion re nursery though.

NumberTheory · 02/06/2023 00:37

I think this depends on how much you can trust the "village" in these circumstances. At a family party, I could rely on any of the adults or older children to be concerned at younger child heading to the doors without supervision or the like. But in a larger venue with lots of guests I didn't know, I wouldn't be so confident and doubt I'd be happy for them to run around in the situation you describe.

It is a concern, though, if your decision making is driven by your anxiety rather than a reasonable risk assessment. If you think it may be driving you to do unreasonable things in other situations, your HV should be able to point you towards some resources that can help. Tackling anxiety early on is way easier than waiting until it's grown to be really debilitating.

Maray1967 · 02/06/2023 00:42

I never let my three year old out of my sight in situations like this - there is no problem with parenting like this. I was in a gym once when a child of about 2 had wandered off to the lift, pressed the button and gone down to the lower floor - panicking parent frantically trying to find him after having been sitting chatting to her mates with no idea exactly where he was. Kids at that age can move quickly and end up in a risky situation.

Dazedandbemused0 · 02/06/2023 00:43

My children are 3 and 5 and I never, ever allow them to play out of my range of vision. If I can’t see them near enough to me to reach in an emergency then I can’t relax or enjoy myself anyway. You can’t physically be TOO protective of kids that age, in my opinion.

Reugny · 02/06/2023 00:46

If you don't know how your child acts in crowded spaces and there is a chance they will run into the path of cars, then please keep an eye on them.

I've looked after road aware 2 year olds and 8 year olds who would run into traffic.

Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 00:51

Yes he has no fear would run into traffic

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 02/06/2023 01:01

Kids wander. Seen three kids run off and been brought back without parents knowing. Also ran off myself when a preschooler. You were doing the right thing.

BubblyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/06/2023 01:04

It's not "anxiety".
You are just being a good parent.

Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 01:05

I think the same they can get up to anything in such busy crowded places why would other parents just leave them to it. However I dont want to judge others parenting skills but I felt other parents glaring at me like why doesn’t she sit down and why is she always with him lol. Others suggesting Leave him sit down let him play he will be fine he won’t go anywhere etc. glad to see others share similar views to me

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 02/06/2023 01:07

I find that people who accuse mothers of being over protective in these circumstances have either had very timid and compliant dc who naturally stay close to their parents and dont wander off, or had there dc solong ago that the mists of time have smoothed out their memories of yelling at dc for running straight out into the car park and almost getting run over…
YaNBU

Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 01:10

He is starting nursery in September. I have no issues leaving him with my sisters or mum
and others that I trust to watch him but I do believe that children when they are very young do need to be watched especially in busy crowded places. I am usually the one watching other people’s children stopping them from leaving the venues or taking them to their parents when they are crying or lost.

OP posts:
GiveUsACoffee · 02/06/2023 01:13

You're being responsible. Just letting him roam freely where he could get lost or run outside is completely neglectful. You're doing the right thing. Keep an eye on him. There will be plenty of parties/events he can enjoy freely when he's older.

fUNNYfACE36 · 02/06/2023 01:45

Depends a lot whether he has just turned 3 or nearly 4

Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 01:47

He turns 4 in February

OP posts:
BubblyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/06/2023 01:49

fUNNYfACE36 · 02/06/2023 01:45

Depends a lot whether he has just turned 3 or nearly 4

Actually the specific age doesn't matter.
She's being a good mother unlike so many others.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2023 01:50

You are a responsible, loving mother. Anyone who allows their three year old to run around unsupervised should be charged with neglect.

Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 01:56

Thankyou makes me feel better to know that my parenting style is shared by others. I am usually the one babysitting everyone’s children in the end at these events as it hurts me to see children so young being left and trying to run through open doors whilst their parents just chat away

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladybug85789 · 02/06/2023 01:59

Thankyou for the kind words. The parents that don’t supervise their young children look at me like I’m completely mad. i would never be able to leave him out of sight by choice as I feel as their parents we have the responsibility to make sure they are safe especially when they are so young

OP posts:
WrongWayApricot · 02/06/2023 02:07

YANBU, a lot of the younger children you saw playing alone probably had older siblings playing too. I noticed this when my kid started playing with other children after school. The kids that at first glance looked 'unattended' often have older children with them. If this is your first then he won't have that extra bit of watching and you will feel more tense, rightly so, about taking your eye off of him. I feel a little less tense now my kid has a group of friends. When they run around and dip out of sight, I know there's a few other parents looking at them all too.

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