To think this is an intrusive conversation? (Religion)

[showslope]

DH is a strong Christian, along with most of his family. I used to have the same beliefs, so we raised our 2 DC in this way. DD23 used to be very committed, but in adulthood she decided it was no longer for her.

DD told me today that she ran into our family friends in town. After some standard small talk, the wife of the couple said 'so are you doing church online then?' (I imagine she knew the answer to this, as word spreads when you stop going to church).

DD has been working on being less of a people pleaser alongside moving on from Christianity, so she was quite pleased to tell me that she simply said 'no, I don't go to church anymore. I did online church in lockdown, but not now'.

The wife responded 'oh, so are you looking for a new one then?' and DD said 'no, I don't go to church anymore'. This was followed by a disappointed/disapproving look, and the husband jokingly said 'so you're a backslider then' to which DD laughed and said 'yep'.

AIBU to think this is quite intrusive & we shouldn't normalise being outwardly judgemental like this?

Before assumptions are made, I know that not all Christians are like this. However, the type of Christianity I was a part of (evangelical/pentecostal/ Hillsong-type beliefs) was quite intense, so this is common.

I also know simply asking a question isn't a big deal. I'm just not a fan of the way people are sometimes made to feel inferior for choosing to not go to church anymore.

Your daughter is a very polite woman.

YANBU. Your daughter handled that brilliantly, and her honesty in the face of this disapproval does you both credit.

Are you in the UK? I think of this as a very impudent and personal question, but I used to live in Texas , and these sorts of remarks were very much part of the tapestry there. I always thought they were very intrusive and rude.

I'd love to say what I think but don't wish to offend.

Your daughter sounds level headed.

I guess it depends on what denomination it is?
I was brought uo.as a Catholic ,went to church every Sunday unill.I was about 19
Im More agnostic now I have never had anyone question my beliefs no r would I question anybody else's as I believe it's a personal thing I haven't attended church regularly for many years although if I go to Catholic funerals etc, I take communion as I feel.it's more of a cultural thing for me but I would never judge anyone for what the do or don't believe

Obviously YANBU OP but, as you say, that type of behaviour is an intrinsic part of Evangelicalism.

IME you still get it in mainstream Christianity but not remotely as much.

Tell your daughter that if they were genuinely good people with strong faith they would have no need to belittle others. It's the weakness of their beliefs that makes them mean.

Swap the word church for yoga/the gym.

Is it won't US I've if someone from the gym says "So you're doing workouts online now?" etc.

I think they were just making conversation, unless they 100% knew Your DD wasn't going to church, I which case they're we're just being rude, not intrusive.

you can't change other people.
is and ought are parallel lines.
they don't intersect.
your daughter sounds sound !

If this is what the people in the church are like it sounds like she dodged a bullet by leaving.

Some people are just snarky and judgmental about stuff - it's not that anyone is 'normalising' it. Your dd dealt with it admirably.

I think they were just making conversation, unless they 100% knew Your DD wasn't going to church, I which case they're we're just being rude, not intrusive.

Did you miss the bit where they said "Oh so you're a backslider then?"

That was said jokingly according to OP. Very different to being said disapprovingly.