Deluded mother always making up tales

Theeora · 2023-06-01T11:07:05+00:00

My mum is a narcissist and quite an annoying person. Have worked through the trauma of accepting this. I'm always overhearing her making up stories/recalling conversations that just never happened. I wouldn't care if they were told to strangers but it's extremely aggravating when relayed to family/family friends. Loves making her kids to look like wet blankets who are totally enamoured with her/live only to serve her.

Original poster

Theeora · 01/06/2023 12:08

Anyone else have experience of this?

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 01/06/2023 12:10

Well if you are actually present when this happens you have the right to respond. Our late queen nailed it really :‘recollections may vary’.

If they are people who know your mother well I’ve no doubt they have the measure of her anyway.

Thehippowife · 07/07/2023 02:47

I would smile and say “did that really happen? “ and just politely call it out. Once you start calling it out she will probably stop, whilst in
your company at least

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2023 03:44

Don't just sit there like a lemon, obviously. She's only doing this because she's getting away with it. If you start challenging her every single time, she won't be doing this nonsense because she'll look like a fool.

Lacucuracha · 07/07/2023 04:41

I agree, don’t let her get away with it. I would laugh and say what are you on about, that never happened, did you have another dream.

Anycrispsleft · 07/07/2023 04:58

My mother used to do this. It was rare to catch her in a lie directly but sometimes afterwards I would be talking to someone and realise she had been talking absolute rubbish about them, and when I was in my 20s I went overseas to meet some of the extended family for the first time and there was a lot of "you're a lot different to how your mother describes you." From what I could gather she had given this impression that I was some kind of highly strung, intolerant genius type . It's often quite hard to counteract that first impression they've been given. I kind of just assume that people who knew my mother better than they do me are going to think I'm a bit weird. That doesn't bother me so much, but I wonder if there are people I wrote off as a teenager because my mother was badmouthing them to me? I think I sometimes missed out on making friends because of that.

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 07/07/2023 06:30

I have one of these mothers.She rewrites history to fit her own personal narrative. I think its pathetic and never comment as she always slips up somewhere in telling her tale. Same story different end to suit whomever she is talking to every time . I know she is a liar and its enough for me to know that, I don't need to do anything, she has lost far more than shes ever gained in er relationship with me. Now I tell her nothing of importance at all so she doesnt know anything, not that I have anything to hide but she doesnt get to know any aspects of my life and to share anything and thats all her own doing. I tell her odd bits the kids have done but thats it.

LoisPrice · 07/07/2023 06:34

Thehippowife · 07/07/2023 02:47

I would smile and say “did that really happen? “ and just politely call it out. Once you start calling it out she will probably stop, whilst in
your company at least

Agree with this

”oh here we go another one if ^mums* stories” said with a wry smile and the same exact phrase used every single time she does it

RiseYpres · 07/07/2023 06:38

Anycrispsleft · 07/07/2023 04:58

My mother used to do this. It was rare to catch her in a lie directly but sometimes afterwards I would be talking to someone and realise she had been talking absolute rubbish about them, and when I was in my 20s I went overseas to meet some of the extended family for the first time and there was a lot of "you're a lot different to how your mother describes you." From what I could gather she had given this impression that I was some kind of highly strung, intolerant genius type . It's often quite hard to counteract that first impression they've been given. I kind of just assume that people who knew my mother better than they do me are going to think I'm a bit weird. That doesn't bother me so much, but I wonder if there are people I wrote off as a teenager because my mother was badmouthing them to me? I think I sometimes missed out on making friends because of that.

OMG Snap. Exactly the same with mine.

I actually moved continents in no small part due to this. After not seeing her for 5 years due to covid and other life events she came here and i invited her to lunch with some of my friends and she decided this was the time to tell everyone stories about me as a child that made me look bad - how I was as a teen etc.

It is easy to say 'challenge her' every single time but if the OP's mother is anything like mine that would result in volatile and aggressive behaviour as well as playing the victim.

RiseYpres · 07/07/2023 06:41

To add... most of the stories she told were exaggerated. How I was suspended from school for refusing to attend (I wadsn't and I didn't) etc. How I refused to go and see her mother etc (that is so far from the truth ... in fact her mother was a vicious bitch who used to verbally abuse my mother and i would go to visit WITH her as i thought I would protect her somehow). Just stupid things that quite honestly even if there were true no-one would be interested in hearing stories about.

flapjackfairy · 07/07/2023 06:43

It messes with your head somewhat find when the gaslighting is so.insidious it starts to make you doubt your own sanity and memories.

Fairyliz · 07/07/2023 06:44

Can you give some examples so we can judge?
People actually have unreliable memories as shown by police witnesses and also view events through their own perspective.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend who described herself as ‘laidback’. Now if anyone had asked I would have called her fairly uptight, so which of us is correct? I didn’t challenge her because it doesn’t really matter to me, I quite enjoy her company either way.

DustyLee123 · 07/07/2023 06:50

I’m going to come in from the other side and say that, as an adult when my DD was a child/teen, some of her recollections of situations are wrong. And I think a lot of this is fuelled by SM.
I saw her recently and she was talking about her MH problems of the past, and how no one knew what was wrong for years, when that’s wrong. Her DF had crippling anxiety so I recognised what DD had, I encouraged her to see the GP, suggested antidepressants, paid for private counselling, took her out for the coffees and walks that made her feel better in the moment. Yet apparently we did nothing.
I just said nothing, as I can’t win, she is right and won’t listen to anything we might say.

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/07/2023 06:53

My mum does this. Always telling me things kids have said which are absolutely untrue, telling me things that happened when I was younger which aren't true. She's got severe mental health issues and she completely believes what she's saying is true. It makes me feel very uneasy. A complete fantasist.

Blankstatement · 07/07/2023 07:15

I do challenge when she says I did/said something that I blatantly did not do/say. I correct her in relation to DH/DC also. For the rest just listen sceptically.

She is 87 and paranoid and quite delusional.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/07/2023 07:38

This is perfect! With a raised eyebrow and a condescending smile

Our late queen nailed it really :‘recollections may vary’.

RoyalImpatience · 07/07/2023 07:47

@Anycrispsleft

Unfortunately I've suffered this a great deal dromedary older siblings as well a a parent and yes, it's so hard to undo that initial impression.

But it shouldn't be. People should be open minded and take as they find