Cocklodger or not?

[OnenightinBangkok]

Hi all, a close friend has been in a Fwb arrangement for a couple of years with a guy, they had a brief fling but he announced he wasn't ready for a relationship so they remained friends with occasional sex.
OK not judging that at all but he's currently on his uppers and really needs a place to live, still at home with parents who think at aged 30 he should leave. I agree with them. He's a bit of a slacker and only sporadically works. Last job: 2015. Plenty of work around where we live btw.
All of a sudden, he wants a proper relationship with my friend and to move in with her. She's established in a good job with her own house.
The cynic in me just think well that's convenient after a couple of years of fwb where he kept his options well and truly open by not wanting to 'label' their relationship.
Both single when met with no ties, BTW.
She's delighted at his sudden change of heart but I'm thinking yeah right.
It's not my business and I won't intervene but I'm really cynical about it. Aibu?

Friends with utterly stupid romantic choices, you are not alone on that one.

However it’s up to her if she’s gullible enough to not see through that one.

Last job 2015? I'd run a mile. She's gullible.

I'd tell her. Sorry but I couldn't not say something.

Yep, cocklodger.

'Label' their relationship particularly gets my goat. If they're truly into you, they'll soon label you as girlfriend/partner!

Again, nothing wrong with fwb but it's the sudden convenient change of heart.

Last job was eight years ago? What’s he been living on?

Blatant cocklodger.

You can’t influence your friend’s “romantic” choices (and you will burn the friendship if you say he’s a cocklodger.

I would just advise her to protect herself financially. It’s her home which is a good thing. Basically don’t put him on the house deeds and whatever happens don’t marry him or get pregnant with him.

If I were you I would definitely intervene..
It is completely obvious he is wanting this out of convenience. What a loser he is.

It's technically not your business, but you love and care for your friend and want the best for her, so therefore as friends then it kind of is your business, same as if you could see she was about to jump recklessly into any foolhardy venture that was highly likely to bring bad things to her life. Have a strong word with her!

I recently saw the phrase "hobosexual" on here and think it suits perfectly.

Funny that know he's needing a place to live that the women he's been keeping dangling on a string for years, with a house and a good job, is suddenly worthy of a relationship!

There's not much I can do, unfortunately, she's utterly besotted with him.

Well it's not just me thinking he's just using her then.

@OnenightinBangkok

You need to decouple the romance/sex element of the relationship from the financial side.

If she is besotted she is not going to listen to you right now if you cast aspersions on him as her partner or lover.

But you can give her a clear headed view of the financial risks. If you can, get her to talk to a lawyer so she can protect herself with respect to the house.

At the moment she’s in a strong position because the house is hers so if he turns into a ne’er do well she can kick him out. What she needs to avoid is allowing him to acquire any legal rights to the property. It would be a nightmare if he decides he wants to marry her.

I would couch it as “I’m thrilled he has come around but please make sure you protect yourself financially: here’s a couple of practical things to think about.” Spell out to her that if they marry, the default position will be that he will entitled to half the equity in her home. That should focus the mind.

No one falls in love quicker than someone who needs somewhere to live.

Ugh, what a silly woman. He’s 30, lives at home and hasn’t worked in years and she wants to move him in? It’s going to be a hard lesson for her, I’d place bets she’ll soon be pregnant.

Make sure your friend has something legal in place if he moves in - what he’s expected to pay etc. He may think he’s after half of her house!

I will inform her of financial risks. I cannot believe she cannot see the blatantly obvious but love is blind.
I personally wouldn't date a long-term unemployed guy in his 30s who still lived with his parents - that in itself would be off putting to me - even if we'd met AND he wanted a relationship from the get go. Or soon after meeting.

But, nevertheless, he clearly IS just using her.
He once told me that he regarded her as a 'drinking buddy' and 'one of the boys'.
Yeah he's suddenly in love. Grr.

Why do women (and some men) fall for this?

She's falling for it because she wants to, hopefully once she realised what a CF he is when he's in her home she will get rid quick.

Red flags abound. Reminds me of "what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

I hope so. I don't think he's going to turn into a househusband where at least she'll come home to a clean house with chores all done and a meal prepared.

She appears confident but I'm beginning to doubt that now because if a guy referred to me as his 'drinking buddy' and 'one of the boys' it would be clear to me that he didn't see me in a romantic and/or emotional way.

In your shoes I would certainly communicate my misgivings about his sudden changing tack. I wonder why his parents have enabled him all these years.
Sounds as if he's been spoilt by them.
I think she might be in for a rough ride if she let's him move in.
But......she is an adult and has to learn by her own mistakes, how ever costly they may turn out to be

This is reminding me of a woman I know, whose boyfriend flatly refused to get married, even after 10 years together. She won 3 Million on the lottery, and he was straight down on one knee proposing marriage. Quelle Surprise. Why can't women see through this bullshit?