To find this annoying - to be expected to do all the visiting.

[WhoSaidWhat123]

Just doing this to see what others think of this!

So often various family member’s tell us (myself and DH), “we never see you, why don’t you come around more often”, but they never, and I mean nev-er, come to see us, it’s always us that goes to them.

DH was asked the other day by his DM why he doesn’t go see his siblings much, DH told her that no one goes to see him, she answers “fair enough”. I think his DS has possibly been talking to her that she never sees us. We have 2 young DD’s (1 is only 10 weeks old), so between visiting parents who live 20 (his), 30 (my dad), 50 (my mum) minutes away from us on a weekday evening or Sunday because of work and school + after school activities and play dates, we don’t have much spare time to see much of anyone else. DH also has 2 DB’s and they, as well as his DS, have children who are grown up, youngest being 20, so IMO as we have 2 young DD’s, it’s more of a mission us getting out of the house and it’s easier for them to come and see us, because a - they don’t have any after school club commitments or birthday parties at the weekend, ballet, swimming lessons on a Saturday and b - they are off on weekends and don’t tend to do anything.

DH’s DS also told him on the phone yesterday that she’s only seen our youngest DD once and asked sarcastically where we’ve been and why we don’t go to see her. We do normally visit but we haven’t lately because between the 2 DD’s we’ve had several fevers, several coughs and colds and biggest has had chicken pox, so we’ve not felt the need to visit other family member’s besides parents recently considering how everyone has been under the weather!

Just to clarify I’m not expecting people to come and see us and that we shouldn’t have to go to other’s houses. I’m just saying I find it annoying when people comment how we never see them like it’s our fault and our job to make time for everyone else but they don’t have to make the effort.

So!!! Let’s vote-

YANU - it is annoying.
YABU - they are right, you need to do more!

Do they drive? We have family like this, in the 20 years we have lived in this house theyve been here no more than 5 times, but we get "you never visit us"....we visit them prob 5 times a year, ok not a major amount but 5 times a year more thab they come here....and they are like this because they don't drive.

You take it in turns, obviously.

did you move reasonably far from
everyone and that’s why they expect you to do more of the visiting? Otherwise it should be equal?!

Yes they all drive. It was us who moved further away from everyone, however, we live closer to town, which my parents and his parents go to often to do shopping but will never stop by on the way to or the way back. And his sister passes by the area we live to work and back daily. We do still take our DD to the same school that she was in before, which is the village DH’s sister lives in but of course she isn’t home until an hour later after school pick up so we don’t visit after the school run.

We obviously make sure we visit parents regularly because they’re our DD’s grandparents, so we tend to try and fit in everyone the same day because it’s easier and cheaper with fuel. DH siblings we have previously visited each of them every month but it got harder when I started working nights and eldest DD started after school / weekend activities so now we will go to see them every few months. But yes, they all drive so don’t get how it’s on us to make the effort with visits! Taking in turns would be much fairer, maybe I should mention something like this next time there is a comment!

YANBU.

When they mention it, say that they are welcome to call in on x date. Put the ball in their court.