How do we get people off their phones?

[PurpleWalls]

It's driving me crazy at the moment. Nobody is having conversations anymore or even making eye contact. Will life always be like this from now on?

I went to a party the other day, all the kids were sat on a wall on their phones.

I went to school pick up yesterday, all the adults were on their phones, didn't even look up or say hi.

I am guilty of it too sometimes, it feels like an addiction, it is an addiction. I feel angry at myself for wasting away life looking at my phone.

Will people look back on these years and think that we were stupid or is this the new normal?

I really hope that something happens to stop this way of life. Or maybe we need to be the change?

Does it worry you or AIBU?

It upsets me. I find most friendships these days are lived out on social media. I often just want to look into someone's eyes or get a hug in person.

It's doing strange things to our brains. The number of MNers who never open their doors is proof..

I agree...I know I've got a phone addiction. I get FOMO and anxiety when I don't have my phone on me.
I sit down to watch something on TV and automatically get my phone out to play Tetris at the same time.
I've read and am currently re-reading the book "How to Break Up with Your Phone" on my new Kindle to actively curb my phone addiction.
At the same time, I want to be more mindful about what I do with my phone. Such as actually messaging or calling someone, doing online banking, doing online shopping, e-mails, taking photos (I'm constantly taking photos and videos of my DD). Instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media or whatever.

I am old enough to remember time before the Internet even. So I can see how different my DDs childhood is to mine. And the pressures.

It took me realising I was incredibly lonely before I gave up my social media accounts and I've not looked back. Absolutely the best thing I ever did

I think until we get to the point where everyone has the same level of introspection and realisation their poor mental health is almost directly linked to their consumption of digital media no one will give it up.

I love it , it makes socialising possible for me . I can do it when I want and how I want. I don’t have to worry about eye contact or my selective mutism (I have ASD as well) so many other reasons. I feel like it’s opened the world up for me and I’d never give up my phone .

I can't bear the constant photo taking, drives me bonkers.

When I visit my friends none of us are checking our phones. Perhaps people are on their phones because their friends are boring 😂

Why do people have to get off their phones? I find it odd that people seem to feel that people being distracted is a new thing. Look at old pictures of people on trains in the 1950's they would all be reading papers.

My DM thinks young people are on their phones too much, but she's always sitting there crocheting while watching TV or talking to others, but apparently that is fine but kids looking on their phones is the height of rudeness.

Society has changed. If you have a problem with your phone use, you change it, others might be very happy with theirs

I agree phone addiction is a thing but at the end of the day you can only worry about yourself. If you are sitting there with no phone enjoying yourself, why does it matter if some kids are sitting against a wall with phones? Just enjoy your activities without a phone and don't worry about what others are doing.

I think it's just part of the human condition tbh. We always find ways to distract ourself and/or avoid social interactions unless we happen to be in the right frame of mind.

Smart phones obviously open up access to more ways to disengage with the real world but it's something people have always done.

I do have time off my phone (walking, exercise, when out for dinner etc) but to be honest I do spend a lot of time on it too- I guess the reason is is because at that particular time I do prefer it to whatever the other option is. But - why is that necessarily a bad thing? Sure, it's not what we did 50 years ago, but it's what everyone is choosing now.
Myself and my children have completely different likes and topics of conversation most of the time. Quite often when I've 'forced' us all to sit round the table conversing, every single one of us, myself included, would rather be on our phones. But. Why is that a bad thing? Why not, if it's what we all want to do?

I went on an overnight spa break last month, walked into the sauna where two young women were stretched out on the benches both on their phones watching something on their screens with the volume turned up.
Then whilst sat in the foot spa area, a guy was glued to his screen. In a hammam for fGs!!!!
I thought it was incredibly invasive.

You see that’s another positive for me, it helps with so much. Going to an unfamiliar place I can take photos and then the next time I’m due to go I can re aquaint myself with the area etc

I having been striving hard recently to get a better balance with my phone. If i am home and find myself drifting to mindless scrolling or playing of a game, I make the conscious decision to put it down and pick up a book. I take my book with me everywhere I go, so instead of scrolling I will read.

I leave my phone in my car at pick up, so I can chat to my friends at pick up.

I made a rule with the family that on holidays, days out the phones are only allowed to be checked on the journey there (or when we arrive if you are the driver obviously!!) or for taking photos. And they are not allowed whenever there is food about! At home or out if we are eating the phones have to be put away.

Weirdly I have found having my I watch liberating from my phone. I don't have to constantly check it. Phone is on silent, my watch alerts me to messages so I can see if it's anything urgent or not and decide whether it needs instant attention. Generally speaking it doesn't.

But all of that said, phones are part of our everyday life. I love taking photos all the time,I love social media, I love being able to google things whenever I need to. The key is finding a balance.

Phones should be banned in spas

I went out a while back with my husband and his friends from the military. They had a rule that if anyines phone went off, they passed it to the person to their right, so they could reply. Some of the replies were hilarious, although the original recipients didn't think so. But it worked, they socialise and phones are in silent and out if site...

Drives me mad when out with anyone and their sat looking at their phone

Exactly, no one was dying to make eye contact with the person on the train next to them or a random mum at school pick up.

I'm usually on my phone at nursery pick up, i'm finishing up emails for the day so I can spend my time with my DC and DH in the evening. I don't want to waste 20 mins I don't always have making polite small talk with someone when neither of us really care about eachother meaning I'll probably have to find those 20 mins for work in the evening instead.

I find having my phone liberating as I don't need to spend so much time on my computer, eg I can do all my banking whilst having dinner / watching tv etc. I use my phone to count my steps, as a medical monitoring device, to read the news and to catch up with friends.

Call me antisocial, but another benefit I particularly enjoy is that I don't need to engage in (largely pointless) small talk with strangers in queues or waiting rooms!

There's a colleague of mine whose only topic of conversation is complaining. Just one rant after another. Daily mail stuff. I just don't want to listen to her at all. Why would listening to her boring drivel be superior to eg scrolling through something im interested in, simply because hers is audible?

I hate it. I won't have a smartphone.
I'm on my old beloved PC at the mo - & then I log out & my time's my own, (or for others!)
I enjoy MN. I'll have a look on FB to see what my older kids have posted - if anything - then I'm done.

I don't think it has replaced chatting with random people, but it gives those who don't want to be chatted to an out. I am a chatter. I will talk to anyone anywhere, but sometimes I just cba, so hiding in a phone is the equivalent of a newspaper. In fact, my dad spent my entire childhood hiding behind a newspaper, only to emerge at random, to exhort us to be as angry as he over something or other. He has now replaced newspaper with his phone, but the effect is the same.

I am learning to play an instrument (badly). I lose myself when I play, just like I can lose myself in my phone. I know which one my family prefer😁

I honestly just don't see this. Sure, on the school run waiting outside the gate but frankly, I always assume that's because people don't really want to make small talk with random parents. Similarly in long queues - it's a way to pass the time.

Children all on phones at a party? I just don't have that experience. Yes, sometimes, they'll get out a phone or an iPad to play a game online together which isn't really any different to the way me and my siblings got our gameboys out when at a friend's house, but the rest of the time I see them doing normal things like playing games or chatting or whatever. We regularly have days at friends/families and it's always lovely to see how the kids inevitably have a good time together.

ditto at meals out or whatever - no one I know whips out their phone and starts scrolling. there might be a need to keep an eye on a phone because of waiting for a call/message from someone but it's a 10 second check and respond if necessary, usually with a quick explanation and an apology.

And yet here you are posting on MN that most people will be accessing... on their phones! The irony.

I mostly use an ipad for my online stuff so I find it easy to not really spend time on my phone. And my ipad generally "lives" in my room. So I spend a bit of time on there in the morning, in bed with coffee. A bit of time at lunchtime, maybe half hr after work, not always. Then before sleeping I use the kindle app on there to read. Other than that I do other things.

So I think for me, as my phone is just used as a phone. I don't really think to do anything else with it. So it doesn't distract me.

It does drive me mad with others though. I visited a relative I hadn't seen in ages, only stayed one night. I was due to leave at lunchtime. Thought they were taking ages getting ready that morning but they were just sitting in their room scrolling through their phone (on bloody tik tok!). Put me off visiting again as I thought if they'd rather do that than spend time with me, what's the point?

I think (hope) that in future years we will be more aware of the potential damage to mental health and addiction issues and have a lower tolerance for phone usage like having phone free areas. I understand someone who can't do small talk but I find it strange then that they chat on social media. Fair enough with an adult who had learned social skills but chooses to step away but young people are not developing skills in the first place and I think there will be serious repercussions for this in society. I also think there is a benefit in doing nothing like standing at a bus stop, yes it's boring but so what, imagination and insighfulness stems from boredom. And its the nature of what they are doing too, I'm convinced tiktok rots the brain and reduces concentration. What worries me the most is the addiction element is not a side effect, big media companies design apps with the goal of maximum addiction and exposure to ads. The whole industry is unethical, I hope that's properly addressed in the future.