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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend just left me

18 replies

Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:19

Albu to try get him back /hope we can work it out

We have had a rough patch sparked my nothing i can put my finger on. He just been so distant lately. I tried to talk to him and been getting nowhere. Tonight, just now, he says he wants to call it off and it's for the best. He say we've grown apart although he still loves me.

I am broken

We live together and I thought this was the man I would marry. He doesn't know what he wants anymore. I don't have anywhere to go but I love him so much. It really hurts right now. I feel blindsided and confused.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 31/05/2023 01:22

Yes, YABU. He’s recognised you have grown apart and called time. That’s it. He’s fine the right thing not stringing you along at this point. Take some time to be upset and at some point a suitable person will cross your path.

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 31/05/2023 01:23

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:26

@WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt over 2 years. Its been a roller coaster but I thought we were happy and loved each other. Just feel so broken and confused right now. I don't know how to process

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 31/05/2023 01:27

Oh pal. Horrible and shit and awful. But not as bad as him feeling like this and stringing you along. Heartbreaks is horrible and only time heals it. Don’t do the pick me dance, you’ll only hate yourself for it later. Take a day or two, he can move out and sofa surf for a few days, he’s the one who has done this! Find yourself somewhere to go and have a good fucking weep about it for as long as you want.

user1473878824 · 31/05/2023 01:27

But also, it shouldn’t be a rollercoaster two years in. Two years from now you’ll be thinking thank FUCK I didn’t marry him.

SparklyBlackKitten · 31/05/2023 01:28

"He doesn't know what he wants anymore. "

He does .

He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Don't go begging for his love!
Don't go looking for scraps and crumbs

OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/05/2023 01:29

Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:26

@WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt over 2 years. Its been a roller coaster but I thought we were happy and loved each other. Just feel so broken and confused right now. I don't know how to process

Have you recently moved in together? If you have could it just be too full on at the moment for him?

Is it somewhere you both got together or is it one of yours?

It sucks. Sorry you're going through this

Original poster
Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:30

@user1473878824 it's his house not mine. It was a rollar coaster because of other circumstances which meant it moved very fast / we went through a lot in early stages

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:31

@OneMoreCookieMonster I moved him with him about 18 months ago

OP posts:
quiettimes · 31/05/2023 01:33

I’m sorry you’re hurting but I think it’s for the best. I don’t think you can work things out if the spark has gone or if the other person isn’t interested any more.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/05/2023 01:34

Sorry, I was grasping at straws for you.

He may feel differently in the morning. He may also need time to process everything. Has this Come out of the blue?

I really hope you can get some sleep and think it all through.

maddening · 31/05/2023 01:34

He has someone else lined up, he would not admit it even if pressed.

Retain your dignity and get set making a new future and new memories, you will look back and be amazed how much importance you placed on him,.it will be a distant memory and it won't hurt given time and space.

quiettimes · 31/05/2023 01:36

Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:30

@user1473878824 it's his house not mine. It was a rollar coaster because of other circumstances which meant it moved very fast / we went through a lot in early stages

this could explain why you’ve grown apart now things have calmed down

Original poster
Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 01:40

@OneMoreCookieMonster he had seemed a little distant for about a week or so after a trivial argument but he just came out with it tonight and I wad not expecting that. Just struggling to process what is happening. I can't imagine not being together. I just feel a mess and i think i am.in shock. Im afriaid i didnt hold myself with dignity. I felt numb. Then I accepted. Then I cried. Then I shouted. Then I cried. Then I said nasty things. Then I cried. Then I said sorry. Then I begged. Then I had a panic attack. Then I cried some more. It was not the dignified response.

OP posts:
OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/05/2023 02:01

Honestly, can feel your pain. There is nothing dignified about having your heartbroken. You've acted in the way that best fit with how you're feeling at the moment. And, lashing out when in pain is a normal human response. Please don't beat yourself up.

Sometimes, it's those little arguments that push everything to a head. From what you have said, could it be possible because you both moved so quickly at the beginning that possibly if you had waited this would have naturally fizzled out before getting so far?

Twinsforthewin · 31/05/2023 07:12

I had something very similar happen just after my 30th. This is so so hard to hear right now but it's a lucky escape. Distract yourself as much as you can this summer: friends, trips, cinema on your own... You will look back one day and be like "thank God, I dodged a bullet"

But right now you will feel terrible, sorry, that's how it is, just keep going XXX

PS do NOT go begging

Original poster
Heartishurting · 31/05/2023 07:35

@Twinsforthewin thank you I feel numb this morning. Its not sank in.

OP posts:
TheKobayashiMaru · 31/05/2023 07:51

Sorry this happened to you 💐 Do you have somewhere to go?

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