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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working hours

12 replies

Cassie1394 · 30/05/2023 17:52

I'll start with saying sorry if this doesn't make total sense.. currently suffering a stress headache.

I started a new job end of 2022, working 2 days a week and then an offer of another 2 days came up (initially for a year. started in April) and I accepted, so I am now working 32 hours over 4 days. However, it’s just not working. There is a noticeable difference in my dc since we’re both not at home as much. They are 3 and now in childcare 8-3, 4 days a week. As soon as I arrive home they go into ‘meltdown mode’ meaning the few short hours we do get to spend together are not enjoyable for either of us. There are other things too, such as family members becoming ill and car trouble (my commute is around 40 minutes) which have just made the short time since April even more stressful and I feel like things were a lot easier/happier when I was just working 2 days. WIBU to tell my manager that I would like to reduce my hours already?

OP posts:
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 17:57

Was there a trial period? If so I mean we're only in May so probably best to end the extra days now? Or do 4 days over 5?

peacelemon · 30/05/2023 17:57

Or offer to do 3

Original poster
Cassie1394 · 30/05/2023 18:01

There was no mention of a trail period, maybe because colleague has reduced her hours but can ask for them back next April if they want. Yes I have only been working the 4 days for 9 weeks but due to the added stress it feels so much longer

OP posts:
Sissynova · 30/05/2023 18:06

When did you start in April? It’s only the end of may, so I think you need to give it longer than this to make a rational rather than a rash decision.
8-3 4 days a week isn’t crazy, if they are already 3 they could be doing close to that 5 days a week in school in a years time.
Plenty of children go to preschool until lunchtime even if the parent stays at home.

Working until 3 four days a week is still a pretty good balance between having something for yourself, the financial benefit and having lots of time to spend with DC.

Ultimately it’s up to you but I would advise a friend to give it longer.

Original poster
Cassie1394 · 30/05/2023 18:15

I started at the beginning of April, so this is week . My working hours are 8:30-5:30 but I am able to drop them off at childcare at 8 and either DP or a family member picks them up at 3.
By the time I get home I feel they are overtired and miserable.
Maybe I am just feeling guilty as this is the most I have worked since returning to work after maternity leave so obviously used to having a lot more time with them

OP posts:
BelindaBears · 30/05/2023 18:16

8-3 for 4 days a week isn’t excessive in terms of time spent in childcare, it sounds unusual for this to be spoiling the “few short hours” (4/5 depending on their bedtime?) you have in the afternoons and evenings on those days.

But if the new hours aren’t working for you and you can afford not to work them then don’t.

LlynTegid · 30/05/2023 18:26

No option to work from home one day a week?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/05/2023 18:30

What does it mean that they go into meltdown mode? Are they hangry? Wanting attention from you? Being normal but you’re stressed so snappy?

Not judging , just trying to understand the situation.

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 18:33

9 weeks is nothing for them to get used to it, you are quitting at it too soon. And it’s really not an excessive amount of time to be working. But it’s up to you, ask you’re employer if you want and see what they say. How many DC is it?

stayathomer · 30/05/2023 18:35

Is it the new routine though? The days I don't work life is so much easier-we don't have to get up as early and there's not as much rushing. Is it something like this that can be shifted a bit? Or is it that you're home later so they stay up later and are more tired?

bussteward · 30/05/2023 18:44

8-3 doesn’t sound like a long childcare day to me but I appreciate it’s a change.

What happens after pick-up and before you finish work: is whoever looks after them giving them some quiet time, some exercise – mine is always loopy after nursery and needs a bit of calming down, but also a runaround in the park, it’s a balancing act between a quiet activity and exercising her like a dog. She also needs a substantial snack, water (always forgets to drink it at nursery), and attention. Is your DC melting down not because of childcare but because of what’s happening afterwards?

Original poster
Cassie1394 · 30/05/2023 18:57

No option to work from home unfortunately as it’s a community based role.

Meltdowns as in lots of tears and tantrums over small things such as, going for a bath, getting dressed into pjamas, crying asking for other family members (grandparents). I would say maybe usual things a 3 year old might protest over however it seems to be every evening. I think you are right about the whole me being stressed and them wanting my attention, and probably where most of my guilt is coming from :(

Just the one DC and I realise I probably am being a bit precious but as I said previously I’m just so used to having much more time at home with them

I think the over-tiredness may be a reason for the meltdowns and then by bed time it can take them a lot longer than before to settle to sleep. They would sleep 12 hours from 7:30pm previously and now it’s closer to 8:30 which is not ideal when I’m waking them at 6:30/6:45 each morning

Thank you for all your responses. I think I’m going to give it some more time before making a decision

OP posts:
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