To be disappointed in a friendship

[Livelifelaughter]

My closest friend for over 40 years has become passionate about politics in the last few years. This is great on some levels but almost now most of what she says has a political angle. We rarely seem to have conversations with any emotional connection. I recently had a very upsetting break up and she really offered no support whereas my other friends in our group were truly there for me. She never asks how I am, even if I ask her. It's like she has found a new religion and spends all her time going to events with people from the political party. She seems to make no effort with friends she has known for years. She has never been the most empathetic of people but had other qualities but now it's almost as though none of her experiences are devoid of a political angle. Anyway I just feel as though I have lost a friend, as one of my friends said "her world has become very small"

Other than this break-up, what ’emotional connection’ are you looking for.
My bet would be that you are40, she might think - like I am thinking - that you are old enough to deal with some boyfriend stuff on your own already.
I mean, it does get boring after years to listen the same cries.
No offence.
And whatever else you used to talk about - maybe she thinks it’s all hash out already and now she needs to talk about actual stuff, perhaps to her, this is the deep talking.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you've lost a friend, OP, but I have to disagree with you about the "small world" comment. After all, what do most people chat about to their friends? Maybe films we've seen, holidays, news about our mutual friends etc etc. To be involved in something that could have a real impact on people's lives, to be passionate about making a difference - you may not agree with her, but IMO you should admire her.

We used to talk about how we were feeling about things, thoughts about the future....I am actually mid 50s and this break up is the first in 15 years..

Since when does being political or into politics mean you aren’t empathetic?

I think the point about the "small world" is that the only views she is hearing are those from people who share the same views as her own. One of our friends is recovering from cancer and is depressed, I had a bereavement and a break up in months, another friend a bereavement... Another friend has become very involved in the church and goes on weekends away with them, weekly dinners, Sundays of course but she still asks how people are. The irony is that the friend in politics scoffs !

That's no what I said at all. She does struggle empathy and had some help in the past it's absolutely nothing to do with politics.

So why not just stop trying to get something out of her that she can't or won't give? It sounds like you have a good group of friends who you can talk and share your personal life with, give and receive the support you need. Not all friendships last forever, unfortunately, and it's OK to go low or no contact if that's less upsetting and stressful for you.

I can understand what you're saying. I suppose it's because our lives are quite emeshed we know each others friends and our families know each other. But I suppose if focus on other friendships I will feel less disappointed.

I can understand it feels like a loss. It is a loss of sorts. She’s no longer as interested in your life/feelings - ie, no longer as interested in you - and it’s perfectly natural to feel the sting of that. Also if she’s super focused on politics to the detriment of all else it can be very boring for others, even if her cause is worthy (which it may or may not be!).

So YANBU.

Thank you, that's how it feels.
It's also local politics which I am.not suggesting is unworthy but it's really quite hard to be interested in some of it when I don't live in the same area tbh I would struggle regardless.

I've got a couple of friends who are rubbish at any kind of emotional support but they are good friends in many other ways. I've got one friend who is very supportive but her conversation revolves around her daughter. That can be frustrating at times but I never expect more from her. You can't expect everyone to fill all your friendship needs. She may calm down a bit but maybe she's found something that fits really well for her and you could be happy for her.

You are feeling dreadful understandably unless she has experienced something similar she may simply not comprehend how much it os affecting you. I would tell her what you have told us, in the most tactful way and hopefully she will respond. Communication is essential.

"I mean, it does get boring after years to listen the same cries."
Assuming you're not a troll, this is unnecessarily horrible. You know absolutely nothing about this breakup or the OPs relationship history.

Op I hope you are okay. It sounds like the friendship isn't satisfying for now, maybe put it on the backburner and see if she changes in future.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling neglected/missed by this friend. Yes, it is like she found a new religion, and in time, she'll probably find more of a balance of being there for friends again.

Take time to grieve this friendship, but remember, it may be that in the future, she may be ready to reconnect.

Thank you, that's kind.

Thank you

I was really happy for her for a while but honestly I barely hear from her unless I am initiating it..